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Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The Returning Gift
Like any parent who wants different for their children, I wanted different for my dogs than how I grew up. I wanted them to have the freedom to express and think for themselves (gee, how did we end up with Huskies??) and I wanted their personalities to shine, not be stuffed in a box or made to conform. I wanted them to live and experience life to it's fullest and not be tied down to rules and regulation. Has it been easy? No, and sometimes it is harder than hell. And as much as I believe in it, I still struggle within myself the acceptance of being able to do that. I have beat myself up because my dogs aren't like the other dogs or can't do the same things. They don't always have the best manners and they have special circumstances that make them outcast compared to other dogs and people I know. Sometimes I am embarrassed and ashamed and will go through periods where I try to "fix them," only to find myself swallowed in guilt, begging their forgiveness, and looking in those soulful eyes asking myself, "what am I doing?" Then I take a deep breath and bow again to these souls that lift me higher than I should be, reminding me of the reason I started this road. For these are my own inner struggles to be myself. I recently discovered that the gift I have been giving them is being returned to me ten fold. My dogs are teaching me how to have the freedom and beauty to be myself.
For far too long I have wanted the perfect dog, but my belief in letting them be themselves overrides that want and holds a richness that inspires me to hold myself to the same principles. A feat still in progress and a journey that we are taking together.