On the sly, we became best friends

There are some things that I find so challenging to write and one of them is my relationship with Zappa.  He has always been a sort of enigma and I find it difficult to express what is happening between us.  It is also difficult to understand what is happening and the bond that is forming.  That seems to be the mystery of it and the part that I can't explain in human form.

It seems like I can't even begin to try.

I recognized this a long time ago about Zappa.  He is hard to explain.  He is an old soul, with a wisdom beyond measure and eyes that cover eons of time.

It is so different from my bond with Brut

There has always been a riff between Zappa and me before Brut died.  Brut may have been aggressive with Zappa, but Zappa would never submit to Brut and that would cause Brut to lash out at him.  Zappa is also a tester.  He will test his limits and push them as far as possible.  It was another reason Brut would snap at him.  Not that Brut was innocent, but Zappa is part to blame for the friction that went on between them.   And it didn't help that Zappa was smarter than Brut and used his wits to his advantage.

I witness these taunts from Zappa quite often, but I was always too late to stop anything after Brut would attack.  I had a small, growing resentment towards Zappa because of the way he was and because he would do the same thing with me, pushing my limits and such.  I didn't help that he had a bigger mouth on him than all the dogs put together pending my aggravation of him further.

As Brut's aggression got under some control, Zappa and I developed an "under the table" kind of relationship when we were by ourselves.  And when Brut died,  it was Zappa that took me under his paw and gently guided me through the devastating loss.

I wasn't able to accept Zappa as the new king and I refused to for some time.  I don't know when that all changed, but it did.  Zappa has become my rock.  When I don't know if I can hang on any longer with this life and wishing for the next, he understands and lets me know I'm OK.  Silent and still, he lets me know things are going to be alright.  The same thing Brut used to do but on a simpler level.  Somehow with Zappa he has given me the strength of Brut and the calm of his mother, Silver, to show me everything is going to be fine. 

A blessed friendship that has grown so slowly over time is really beginning to blossom.

I love you Zappa!

It is so cool when we both "get it!"

Interesting thing about having independent thinking dogs is watching them make their own decisions.

For example:  Chance and getting used to the nail trimmer/grinder

First, I started with the grinder in my hand while it was off and started with "touch."  Chance has this command down pat.  He touched his nose to the tool.  Click and treat.  Then he starts touching the trimmer with his paw...jackpot of treats.  

Then I turn on the battery operated grinder and try again with "touch."  He does touch with his nose, but he's a bit more hesitant.  Still holding the machine in my hand I keep pushing it towards him and asking touch.  He starts backing up and is visibly getting more upset and scared.  

I stop.  Turn the tool off and put it out of sight.  

The other dogs caught on really quick and made way past this step in minutes flat.  I think I was expecting the same response with Chance to catch on. This was too much, too fast for him.  

Chance was still willing to play, I just needed to give him a chance.  

So I put the tool on the floor, told him "touch," and let him decided what he wanted to do.  

One treat for a nose touch and bunch more for touching with his paw.  

He caught on quickly now that I wasn't trying to make him do it.  

Nose, treat.  Nose, treat.  Paw, lots of treats.

Then when he was feeling confident, I turned the grinder on and set it back on the floor with the same guidelines.   Again, giving him the chance to decided what he wanted to do and how to do it.   

It was so fascinating to watch his confidence grow, his body relax, and he was smiling.  He was so proud of himself for conquering that humming little machine and I was so proud of myself for listening to him, so I could change my game plan.    

Very cool.  Don't you think?  Chance was able to face his fears and have control over how he wanted this training bit to go.

(Next time I will try to get video, or at least some photos!)

Walking with the Wise Dog.

The weather was gorgeous and was close to 70!  Quite rare around these parts, especially in November!

Despite the sunshine and warm temps, today was exasperating.  I awoke from a nightmare I couldn't shake.  Hasn't happened in a long time, but my day started off very slowly and not so great.  I had to scold Fiona for pouncing on Boxer (our cat) when they were outside and for the fact she wasn't listening to me at all when she was doing it.  I went to put her in her crate for a time out and she wouldn't go in it.  Then she made a lunge after Zappa when I went to give him his treat.  Yes, Fiona is a chip off her ol' dad, Brut.  She is not as fierce as her dad, but some treats under the right conditions can get her fired up.  And I yelled at her again.

Sigh...

Then it was walk time and the last thing I wanted to do.  I was tired and just didn't feel like doing it.  Eventually I talked myself into 5 short walks with each dog.  Zappa was first.

Oh, I wish I knew how to describe Zappa and our walk.  He was so gentle and light footed.  Not pulling or rushing, like he was tiptoeing through the trees. The whole walk was in the woods at sunset.  I let him guide me and I felt the stress of my night and day trickle down my fingers into the crunchy leaves and moist Earth.

We followed many deer paths and scared up quite a few that were just on the outskirts of the trees.  The walk got longer and longer and I forgot all my cares and worries of the other dogs.  It was just me and Zappa right now.

Do you what it like to have your hair tied up and let it down with the wind?  That's what it was like.  I could almost feel the breeze blowing through my soul.  It was so beautiful.

Those were the kind of walks I used to have with Brut when I was tense and I just wanted to runaway with him into the woods and forget everything.

Wonder if Brut was with us today?

Zappa is our old soul dog and the wisest of all five.  We have been tuning into each other and he must have known what I needed.  No doubt.  It was a wonderful walk and shared time together.  Brut would have been proud of his son taking such good care of me.  :)

Dog Socializing Catch Ups

We've had some great socializing going on around the 24 Paws of Love and I thought I'd catch you up on it.

So proud of this guy!!

First up is Brut.  The bad boy of them all let my friend walk Silver while I walked him and it went great.  We walked a couple of miles and when we went into the garage for treats and undressing their harnesses, Brut was friendly to my friend walking right between her and Silver.  Mr. Territorial didn't pay any attention to the fact that she was on his property, in his garage, he was just ready to go out in the backyard like after every walk!!  It was so awesome!!

And if that wasn't enough, we walked all the dogs that night, my friend walking one while I had the other, in their respective pairs.  So Zappa and Blaze were walked by my friend and did great!  Blaze was a little worried at first, but she got right down the sniffing and didn't look back!

I don't want to be nice!!

Then last night my friend and I walked Silver with her dog Callie.  Silver was pretty ruffled about it for about half of the walk, but eventually started to settle down.  When Silver was able to turn and look at Callie without making a bee line towards her, we were doing good.  

Callie girl

And if it wasn't for my good friend and her nonchalant dog Callie, we'd have never made it this far.  Dogs can sense the difference between a real dog lover and a dog owner and this friend is definitely a dog lover.  It is obvious by the way all the dogs have instantly took to her.  And I want to let her know how valuable her friendship has been to the dogs and I.  She'll never know what a chance she took on that first walk with Fiona, her dog Callie and me.  It's like having a live version of all of you dog lovers out there who have been there for me when I didn't have any dog loving friends and I thank you for that.

Another One of Those Things That Only a Dog Can Teach and Heal

There are a few things that God must have devised just for dogs in order to get through to humans.  One of those things I talked about before (on this post) in having to calm and quiet my voice for Brut, because my outburst, especially when there was a dog fight were causing more harm than good.

Another added piece to the puzzle that has also calmed Brut and the household down is soft gestures.  Brut is scared of sudden movement like he is noise.  He becomes immediately on the defense and lowers his head to the ground ready for an attack.

I've had to learn to be gentle in my movements as well as my voice with him.

Brut zen

I've been dealing with some anger issues for a while due to my childhood abuse and PTSD, so it is difficult to release the tension by being quiet.  Like just wanting to punch the couch or wall because of being so frustrated.  Or just wanting to scream.  Or blast my music and rock the walls.

I can't do that with Brut around.  So how did I learn to calm those angry demons?

First by being aware my actions were causing consequences and second by being gentle with Brut, I learned to be gentle with myself.  The more I practice with Brut and being tender to his sudden fear, I learned to be calmer and more loving to myself.  The more I was able to slow down my movements and be able to receive the inner and outer love, the anger dissipated almost daily.  It taught me how to be sensitive to my own needs to not lash out at myself with my anger, which I've done all my life.  Instead I moved towards more of yoga like movements being more aware of my surroundings and myself.

I don't know if I could have learned that from any person or any other dog for that matter.  The only one who could have taught me was Brut.  The aggressive one.  The fearful one.  The one who has my heart in his paw every time while we lean on each other.

And I have to wonder if we continue to bounce off each other with these gentle movements and calm voices to bond even more as we continue healing together.

What do you think?  What has your dog taught you about your anger?

Brut Magic

I had one of the best walks ever with Brut today!  We were both so calm and lucid we just flowed together.  With a little bit of treats and a short leash we passed by a gentleman on a bike, two older children playing, and the grand daddy of them all, my neighbor down the road going up to her house with her dog! 

It was fantastic!  Brut didn't even try to lunge and make any inklings to do so!  No dirty glares.  No lowering of the head and getting in attack stance.   HUGE progress!!

He was being such a sweetheart.  He was being the dog that he is when we are alone.  Which proves he has it in him to do it. 

I'm so proud of my boy!  He made my whole day.  ☺

 I'm just full of surprises!

The Next Step of Our Challenge!

Thank you so much for your comments, suggestions and own personal stories with your dogs.  Just that alone makes me feel better and it is nice to know I'm not trying to figure this out on my own.

No one has ever asked to pet or come close to Brut.  (Gee, I wonder why!  lol)  But I want to be prepared for the possibility.  I'm using winter walking as a way to springboard for summer when more people and dogs will be out.  Plus Brut and I are working on our leash manners.  I've let him slide for the most part and have always kept tension on the leash and well, it's just getting to be too much on my shoulder and lower back.  And I'm horrible about giving in with him.  I know, if you've followed me for a me, you know I've said these words before.  lol  But really I've worked out most of the kinks with all the dogs except Brut.  And he's been responding well.

Since there are so few people out in general where we live and Brut is not socialized, it becomes a BIG deal when someone is out.  95% of the time I deviate away from other people and dogs.  Neither of us can handle it, but there are those few times where I can't and those are the ones I want to work on especially while we are having this pause of people and dogs because of winter.

I'm not expecting to change Brut, but I'd like to find a way to gain more of his attention when he's around others and maybe, now this is a long shot, but maybe find a way for Brut to tolerate other dogs just a little. A little.  Still a long way's down the road, but I can dream!  :)

This all centers on the suggestions you gave me for helping me find a way to say, no, if someone ever asked to pet or come near Brut.  I didn't realize I didn't need to give a reason.  I always felt the need to explain and I didn't know what else to say.  So now that I can take your suggestions and roll them into something I can use for Brut's sake and mine, because Lord knows I'm not going to change over night and Brut and I can work on our anxieties together.

Just your suggestions of what works for you has cut the anxiety rate and my problem in half.  Your answers make my next step workable and doable.  Thank you for responding.  I really needed to hear your words.

And I think this is what I'd like to do for Pamela's Training Challenge.  Work with Brut on better walking manners and running into people and dogs.  It's not only going to challenge him but me as well and we are quite a team when it comes to anxieties and being around people, so it will be a test for us both!

January is National Train Your Dog Month.  If you haven't heard of Pamela's Training Challenge, click on the link above to find out how you can train your dog and develop a stronger bond between the two of you.  The link will give you all the info about the challenge.      

I need suggestions, please.

Brut's actions walking on a leash while passing people usually deters anything more than maybe a wave or a nod from other people while I do my best to settle him down as we pass.  Even though running into people is a rare occurrence, when we do, Brut will lunge toward the person.  He doesn't growl, bark, or snarl, just lunges and jumps directly in that person's direction.  While we've had some minor improvements on his behavior, there have been a couple of times he totally caught me off guard and was calm, cool and collective, with little action from me.

My question is:  If ever asked, what could I tell people who ask to pet or say hello to him?  Especially children without scaring anyone?

I tend to get anxious around people as it is, but I'm doing much better at being calm.  But I panic when I see someone up the road that they will want to get close and/or pet Brut.  I understand that I'm not helping out Brut's behavior and that he is likely reacting on my fear to protect me, but I think it would help to be able to have an assertive, yet plausible line to tell someone who would like to get close.  It would really help me calm myself down.

My backup plan was saying that Brut was in training and couldn't be petted.  But here's my problem, I can't lie, it only adds to my anxiety.  The days I may be really training him, I could say that, but out for a regular walk, I don't know that I can do it.  What can I say that is the truth, without having to say he's aggressive or reactive or something along those lines?

What do you say when you don't want someone close or petting your dog when you and your dog need space?  How do you handle situations like that?

Thank you, I could really use all the suggestions I can get.  I am plum out.
          

Tired Dog, Good Dog. Tired Mom, Good Mom?

You're wearing me out MOM!

Does anyone else get mentally tired after training and working with your dogs?  I don't know if it is just me but when I spend one-on-one time with the dogs and we are intently working on some behavior technique, I think I get as tired as they do!  I know it's one of the reasons I can usually only walk two different dogs at two different times.  I become totally immersed in the bond, connection and training that I'm too exhausted to walk another dog.  Physically and mentally.

All the different personalities and quirks that make each dog tick, I try to use to my advantage while always exploring new ideas and techniques.  And it doesn't seem to matter what we are working on, I always need a good mental rest before being able to go to the next dog.  I don't know how dog trainers and behaviorist do it.  Going from one dog to the next and still be so sharp.  I was wore out after an hour of just Silver, Brut and Fiona and we were just in the living room!

It's a good tired. Like being in tune with them so much that you

can feel when the dogs get tired as well.  Interesting, isn't it?  I'm wondering does anyone experience this?

Backwards Brut

Being an amateur with an aggressive dog I have had to work backwards from an attack to understand the signs and body language that lead to Brut strike.

First it started with stopping or breaking up a fight.

Then stopping when he was in attack stance.

Then stopping him when his head was low and ear were back.

Then stopping him when he snarled.

Now we're at the point of stopping him when he even thinks about going after another dog.  And yesterday was a great example.

I was bringing the treat bag out to play in the pool with the four Back dogs.  I was barely out of the door with Brut right in front of me and Zappa to my left.  Having the treat bag is an adrenaline rush for Brut, who originally thought he was going for a walk, which made it a double whammy for Brut.  I was prepared for it and as soon as Brut turned his head (still even at this point) towards Zappa I gave a quick, "uh-eh."  Brut turned to me, turned back to Zappa, I said it again, and this time he gave me eye contact and any thoughts blew over.

It was really quite awesome!  I actually couldn't believe Brut responded so quickly.  Usually I am too late and his head will be low and next thing I know he's in the attack zone.  Or I would call his name in a sharp voice and that would lead to an attack as well.  Instead I was very cool and calm and very unafraid.  I have made many, many mistakes being in fear.  We have both come so very far in a relatively short time for doing it by ourselves.

And the reward?

None of the dogs would come by the pool with Brut even though he was lying down and listening.  They probably sensed what he was going to do long before I caught on.  So Brut had the pool all to himself and got to bob for treats.  And you know what?  That was OK by me, because he deserved it!

Thank you for asking

Several of you have asked how I am doing since the incident with Brut and vet and I am OK.

I finally got something that Brut has been trying to teach me.  Lord knows I'm a slow learner, BOL! but Brut is always a patient teacher.

He has been trying to show me when he doesn't want to do something and to trust him with the why.  It happened the day the vet came to our house for heartworm test and shots.  Brut paused quite dramatically while I dangled a leash in front of him.  Just the sight should have made him do cartwheels.  He made the pause noted and then came when I called him to go out to the driveway to see the vet. He growled, then made a grab for her face while she started to draw blood.

I remembered the pause that he gave me before coming when called later while relaying the story to hubby.  But it was what happened later that night when Brut wanted a head rub from hubby, hubby kept insisting he get on the couch next to him.  Brut refused, still vying for a head rub.  I told hubby, Brut doesn't want on couch, he wants his head rubbed."  I knew the position Brut was being put in was going to have a bad outcome.  But hubby didn't listen, kept coaxing him up and so Brut finally gave and within seconds was snarling and growling at Fiona across the room in the next chair.  All Brut wanted was some attention and then go to his room.  He had no intentions for wanting to stay.

It was this pause that made me see the light of the situation that happened with the vet that day.  I wasn't angry with Brut, but I was having a hard time hearing what he was trying to say.  And he taught me something very valuable that day.

I've even see him pause in the middle of dog fight, trying to get my attention and not to react in the same manner.  And of course I did and he kept on fighting.  Like OK, if this is what you want.

Brut is molding me to what he needs.  And I am doing the same with him.  And the more I realize he is listening to me, the more I'd better start listening to him.

We bonded a little bit more this past weekend.  Another secret into the world of Brut unlocked.  I am always awestruck when I realize he's trying to get my attention, and I finally "get it."

   Changing lives two at a time