Confessions of a grieving dog mom: Part 2

Chance, Blaze and Fiona were my water guzzlers.  Especially Chance.  He could empty a bowl in no time.  I was constantly filling the bowl.  After the three passed, I struggled to give Zappa fresh water.  He never went without it, it just wasn't fresh.   I just couldn't seem to get past the fact that the bowl was always full,   Sometimes I would stand and stare at the full bowl, paralyzed.  I knew I should empty and fill it, but I couldn't.  So I would just walk away. It got so bad that eventually Mark had to step in and start giving Zappa fresh water.  

Now we have Chevy and I have to remember all over again about supplying water.  Don't worry, Chevy is equipped for the task.  He lets me know daily that he needs fresh water to drink by walking to his bowl, smelling it and turning away.  He likes his water really fresh.  I was worried that I would do a Zappa repeat, but Chevy nipped that right in the bud.  

So cool how that worked out.  

If you would have told me...

If you told me that I would be looking at the shelter's website with Brut whispering in my ear to think outside the box and that maybe an older dog would be better with the cats, I wouldn't have believed it.  As I had already looked at the selection of dogs and closed my laptop once, thinking getting a dog was never going to happen.  

And if you'd told me that when Mark said ," Let's go tomorrow and get him," then overslept that morning that it was another sign that it wasn't meant to be.  In spite of the message I got from Brut and Silver early that morning when both of their solar lights on their graves were still dimly lit in the morning dawn, I wouldn't have believed it.  

If you would have told me that a week ago today I would have a 10 year old Lab/Hound mix dog that I picked off the Humane Society laying on the floor next to me, I would have told you, you're crazy!  Or if you'd told me that when we went to the shelter after seeing said picture of dog only to find out they were closed, a friend whom used to work at our vet's office was working there, saw us and came out to see us.  When we told her we wanted Chevy, her eyes lit up as she had known Chevy for a while and even though they were closed, we met Chevy, and she made the deal happen. 

And if I told you that Chevy was great with the cats and the cats are warming up to him, it is almost surreal to believe.  When we took Chevy home, he walked right up to the door, ready to go inside.  And if I told you that it feels like he has been here all along, I would tell you that Chevy filled this dog mom's heart in every way possible.  ♥ 

Meet Chevy!

Meet Chevy and those huge paws!

The most awesome thing happened...we got a dog!  

Chevy is a rescue from our local Humane Society.   He is a 10 years old Yellow Lab, although we think there may be some hound in there.  He is in fantastic shape, very strong for his age and quite active. 

He is a very happy dog and a definite velcro  dog.  He took to Mark right away and slept with him on his first night here.  Chevy is loving, affectionate and a cuddle bug.  

The cats were my biggest worry with getting a dog.  And while the cats had the shock of their lives when a dog walked in, but Chevy paid little attention to them. 

I don't know any background on him, but he has beautiful manners. Doesn't beg, just sits quietly and waits patiently.  He knows all the basic commands, comes when called and is a dream come true.

He has the same color fur as Zappa.  Has Fiona's friendliness.  He is nurturing like Silver.  Loyalty of Brut.  Silliness of Chance and the spunk of Blaze.  Oh, he loves veggies!  

Chevy is the perfect match for us and a blessing in so many ways.  When we met him, it just all came together.  I'll tell you about that story another time.

Chevy is a total Godsend and we couldn't be happier! 

Silver's Yucca plant

You know that all the 24 Paws have their own roses on their graves.  They also have their own inside houseplants.  

Today I'm going to share Silver's Yucca plant:

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There's a little back story to this plant and how it became Silver's:

Two years before getting Silver (2001), Mark bought me 7 houseplants for Christmas.  We'd had a few plants around the house, but his presents got me hooked on the hobby.  

So in order to care for all these different plants, I found a house plant encyclopedia that covered a variety of plants.  One of the first plants I saw in the book was a Yucca and wanted it.  I thought it was so cool, but for some reason I never thought about buying one.  Strange?

Silver died in 2017 and that summer after her death, I found myself in the garden section, staring at a Yucca plant.  In all my years of plant shopping, I had completely forgotten that I wanted one, until now.  That's when I knew I had to get it for Silver.  It was so weird how that plant slipped my mind for so long, until I saw it.  Sitting there, ready to go home with me.  

 

Not Quite Ready

 I was online with our local Humane Society.  Just looking at dogs and possibilities.  When I saw a red Hound mix that was adorable.  I have always had a thing for hounds.  Anyways, I thought he might be the one.  He was suppose to be good with dogs and cats, which was a plus.  I printed an application.  And thought about this dog all day.  I went from the highs of getting a dog to fear of a lifetime commitment.  I made a list of pros and cons.  There it was in black and white, I wasn't ready and the timing wasn't right.  My mood plummeted.  My day felt shattered.  

I am struggling to accept where I'm at with getting another dog.  I am not ready and it isn't the right time.  And that just about kills me.  I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a tunnel, looking out both ways, yet I can not move forward or backward.

Hubby, Mark and I have even talked about getting ducks to start, but that conversation faded as quickly as it started.  

Neither of us are ready.  Losing the 24 Paws made an impact on both of us.  And now we are here, with two cats and a very busy schedule.  It is a very tight circle, the four of us, that I have been fighting against.  

My whole world has been dogs.  I keep trying to make it happen.  I'm keep pushing.  But I keep finding I'm not ready.  No matter what I do, it isn't time.  It is just that plain and simple, in all forms and ways.  Sometimes I fear that I will never be ready and that scares the crap out of me.  

While at the same time, I told Mark after Zappa died that if I never had another dog, I would have not been cheated with the 24 Paws.  Maybe God will hold me to that, I don't know.  The 24 Paws is a powerful love and I'm not ready to break that bond.     

The white dog-Fiona

There were four white puppies from Brut and Silver's litter.  They were a "surprise" to us when they were born.  We would have never guessed to have any white puppies, being that Brut was a sable color Husky and Silver was black Lab.  There were three boys and one girl.  They were kind of ugly when they were born with their pink skin showing and their thin, wet white fur almost translucent. They were quite a shock to us. We discovered later that Brut's grandma was an all white Husky and the color came from her.  

I had planned on keeping a black and white one from said litter named, Angel, but when the pups were three days old, I changed my mind.  I watched the white female, the runt of the litter, kicking ass to get to mom's teat.  She put her whole heart into it and I had to keep her.  There was just something about the way she fought that day to keep up with her brothers and sisters, that I couldn't let her go.  We named her Fiona.  

Fiona was the most affectionate of the 24 Paws.  She gave plenty of kisses and took lots of love in return.  She was also the jester of the bunch doing anything to make us laugh.  She had a full time job with me and my depression.  She earned her keep.  

Fiona was the sh*t roller of the 24 Paws.  Of course, being a white dog, she loved to roll in anything stinky.  I remember one time on a walk we were taking, just the two of us, she put her jester and rolling skills together.  She must have rolled in this deer poop for about ten or fifteen times.  She'd roll then stand up and do it again.  I was laughing so hard with each roll that she just kept doing it.  It was hilarious and so much fun.  

Fiona had a wicked side as well.  She ignored dogs on walks or at the vet, but had it out for Chance and Blaze.  Fiona was one of the reasons we couldn't blend the two packs.  She was the instigator the few times the door between the two packs wasn't latched. And while Fiona and Zappa never fought, she would show her teeth to him sometimes when she was possessing something like the couch.  

On the flip side, Fiona was my girly girl.  She was feminine, but very strong emotionally and mentally.  She was everything I could've wanted in a female dog.  And she was so beautiful.  Fiona got compliments all the time on her beauty.     

Three years ago today, I lost that precious love.  It is good to write down the memories as they begin to float to the surface.  My sweet girl, gone too soon.  ♥

Chance and Blaze's digging holes

 These are the five holes that Chance and Blaze dug that are still in the front yard.  Three years since their passing and the holes haven't filled in yet. I planted the flowers in them a couple of years ago.  They came up early this year with the early spring weather.  🥰  

The flowers bring up good memories. Chance and Blaze were crazy diggers.  Chance would dig deep enough and wide enough to fit his entire body in a hole, with just his head sticking out.  lol

The joys of letting them dig in the yard and having something they left behind.  

My Bedtime Buddies

The last stuffies of: (l to r) Blaze, Chance, Fiona and Zappa

 

These are my bedtime buddies.  Each stuffie is one of the last toys that the four pups, Blaze, Chance, Fiona and Zappa played with before they died.  

So I hold them in just that order across my chest and fall asleep with them in my arms.  They bring me comfort.

For a long time I couldn't sleep without them in that position.  These stuffies did a great deal to help with my grief.  I talked to them like they were the dogs.  

While now it's not necessary to sleep with them every night, I still do occasionally, they are always on the bed next to me.  They still bring me comfort, just by being there. 

Do you have a favorite doggie stuffie?