It is so hard to come here and blog. I'm forcing myself because I need to write and writing is therapeutic for me. I need to share my feelings or I isolate. And who understands better about the loss of a dog than our dog loving readers.
Today marks 11 months since we buried Brut. I wish I could say it has gotten easier, but there are days when the tears are so fresh, it is like losing him all over again. The last two days the weather has finally broke (hopefully for good) and I was sitting outside on my little bench in the same place Brut laid every day for those last couple of months. I said 'Good Morning' to God, then to Brut and I cried unexpectedly.
There is still a huge void where Brut once was. I do believe his spirit is alive and well and I talk to him all the time. It's a new adventure for our relationship, except I miss being able to ruffle his fur and look deep into his eyes. I miss laying next to him on the bed looking out the window where only he could calm that inner tremor in me.
I miss Brut patrolling the yard and noticed that even after only a couple of months of him being gone, his paths have been growing over and now are almost gone. Brut trodden those paths religiously keeping all evil out. He was such a great protector of his family.
Zappa is feeling the hurt as well. I make a poor subsitute for Brut as a squirrel chaser. Those two would race around the sheds and try to flush out the chipmunks and squirrels and it took a lot for them to give up. God, how I miss watching them two play together.
There have been more than a few times that depending the angle or my perspective or lighting when Zappa will look like Brut. It only happens for a split second or two making my heart skip a beat.
And I can't believe I've lived almost a whole year without my Bruter Boy. I never thought I could live without him in my life connected to my mind and soul. Thank goodness for the unconditional love of a dog. We will always together in spirit.
For all of you who have lost a dog a heartfelt hug goes out to you.