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Current blog look inspired by and dedicated to Chance, Blaze, Fiona and Zappa who all kicked ass against cancer and liver disease.

Brut Quote

Brut Quote

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Brut Thursday- Spiritual Headbutts

I was upset and my heart hurt. Hubby and I had a bit of a tiff.  I went to Brut's grave and sat down outside the fence that protects the dogs from the rose thorns.  Never one to talk to Brut at his grave, I mean, what do you say to a rose bush that is suppose to represent the greatest dog of your life?  It just doesn't compute for me.  So I just sat there and tried to think of words.

And I tried.

Brut and I hardly ever communicated with words.  We always knew what the other was thinking, for the most part.

I leaned my head on the fence.  Then I slowly started to rub my forehead on the fence and that's when I made the connection with Brut.  I could "feel" his forehead against mine and he comforted me from beyond the roses.

He was right there.

Like two large cats nuzzling each other, we stayed that way for some time.

It was the best feeling in the world, to be together and having a physical connection.  I'm still in awe over it.  Because that's what I miss most about Brut, is being able to feel with him and I had that again, in just the right manner, at just the right time.

I don't know where this adventure is taking me with Brut, but it is as interesting and as fascinating as he is.  I do believe Brut is trying to teach me and reach out to me in a way only he can.

Have you ever touch the other side?

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Thankful Tuesday

I couldn't wait for "Thankful Thursday" to write this as I am so full of gratitude for my life and the many loves in it.  I am so very blessed after my awful start in life.

I have love coming from every direction and any part of the house.  It is just completely awesome.

Mark with V-girl.  One of the pups from our litter.

My husband, Mark, bless his soul.  He has put with so many of my demons and held my hand and heart the whole way through. Mark is so understanding, caring and my best friend.  He loves like a dog, unconditionally.  He has changed my life and the dogs love his kid-filled soul.  Nothing is ever really right unless Daddy is home.  :)

The blessed Dynamic Duo

I am still after almost 9 years shocked and amazed that Chance and Blaze came back home. (Two puppies from our litter that were returned to us) I am utterly so grateful that they are a part of life and literally thank them every night for being returned to us.  They too are still so grateful after all these years to be home as well.  They are worth having 2 packs of dogs.  I don't care how crazy or wrong someone might think it is, I would do it again if it was the only way to keep them.

Zappa, Silver and Fiona resting by Brut's spot.  (circle)

And the Back Dog Trio, Silver, Fiona and Zappa...bless their giant hearts.  We have been through so many things with Brut when he was alive and then gone that there are many ways we missed out on so much bonding time and now we have all the time in the world.  They are seeking me out and coming to me just to be touched and loved.  It is so awesome.  We are bonding in ways that we couldn't before and it is so wonderful.

Memorial stone at our vets office on outside wall.

And Brut...the dog of my life.  Never will there ever be another and I am so grateful to have been part of his short but full life.  There was one thing I knew when he died, I had no regrets.  None.  Brut lived a very full life and taught me so many valuable lessons and this is one of them...being grateful.

I can't believe the way my life is changing and growing when for so many years I didn't want to live.  Life is truly a blessing with so much love to share it with.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

2016 Summer Wrap Up...Fall Begins

These thoughts have been rolling around in my head for little while.  I have found them hard to sit down and put "on paper."  Let me see if I can muddle through them.

Starting the second year without Brut has been a little difficult at times.  The first year was all about the loss and grieving.  The second has been accepting and living without him.  I think I will always be sensitive to the summer months because that is when we loss Brut.

Brut died on the 18th of June, so close to the changing of the seasons.  Now we are starting fall.

The gap is closing where Brut once was.  We are becoming a family of five dogs.  The dogs have found their places in their packs and life is moving forward.

For the most part I am at peace, but there are many days when my heart is very still. Even though Brut's spirit is strong around here, I still get a flutter in my stomach when I realize Brut is really, really gone.  The gap is closing slower for hubby, Mark and I.  Sometimes it sucks to be human.

Every post I write without Brut here, is like a tiny stab to the heart.

Some days Brut and I are far apart and other days he is right next to me and then sometimes it is like there is a barrier like heavy glass between us.

I started writing this post on September 1 of this year.  All I could write was a
sentence or two at a time and I'd have to put it away.  It was that difficult.

I have discovered how bittersweet life without Brut can be because it is easier without him physically here.  So much of my mind and time was spent taking care of him and managing his aggression.  It has been trying filling all this empty space in my mind and with my time.  There have been many days that I have been quite lost and depressed.  I miss Brut, but I don't miss his nasty behavior.  And that is really hard for me to say.
It isn't all as bad as it sounds, Silver and the kids have been filling in the spaces and holes.  Dogs are so amazing that they can do that.  They just have that much unconditional love to make the world go round and the universe sparkle.  I've never been more grateful for all of our pets and what they give and share so openly and beautifully.  They are constantly teaching me more about themselves and their understanding.  The love is just unstoppable!  And I couldn't have it any other way.

Are you ready for the season change?

Friday, September 16, 2016

Blaze Contemplation

do you think...
mommy will..

forgive me...

for chasing a chipmunk...

under the fence...

of her flower bed...

i think she will understand...

even though she had to pull me out to stop me...

what do you think?

what mommy?