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Current blog look inspired by and dedicated to Chance, Blaze, Fiona and Zappa who all kicked ass against cancer and liver disease.

Brut Quote

Brut Quote

Thursday, December 31, 2015


Dear Friends,

Once again we have fully made it around the sun and will be starting the ride once again. I have no idea what is in store for the 24 Paws of Love and I don't want to know.  I'll take the surprise.


Last year wasn't one of our better years.  Losing Brut and Luigi, our duck, was the worst of it, not to mention a good vehicle.  Hubby, Mark and I are still saying good bye to all of our losses.  It hasn't been easy.

But, we have been blessed with five dogs related to Brut and our cats, Boxer and Princess Leia.  At least Brut having cancer wasn't contagious or something that could have spread to the other dogs and cats, that we could've have lost one or more of them.  For that I'm grateful.  So very grateful, for I would be so lost without the rest of the paws to carry on Brut's legacy.  The Paws have held me up when my world was so heavy and hopeless, so many more times that I could hold them.  They are so patient with me, yet still give me that gentle push to keep moving forward.  And when I can't go on anymore, they stay and cuddle with me or find a way to make me smile and somehow the world is alright again.


I wish I had the magic to change life, but I always have the Paws to make the magic for me.

Thank you my friends for sticking with through this past year.  Thank you for your prayers, thoughts and good wishes.  We have needed every one of them.


And I hope when you look back at this past year you find all the bones of hope you buried to dig up and bring into the new year that is coming while bagging up the stinky poop of last year and getting rid of it.

Whatever comes we will have each other and our dogs to make it through.


Love, Mark, Patty and the 24 Paws of Love

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

As We Near the Holiday...

Dear FB and Pet Blogging Friends,

We have just past the 6 month mark of Brut's anniversary and it was tough.  I dove down into a deeply severe grieving period while making the Christmas card that is the header.  Three weeks of tears, sleepless nights, early mornings and vast sadness.

I don't know that it will get easier as we hit more 'first' without Brut physically here, but I know I still have Silver and all his kids that are here and out there in the world that are carrying on his legacy.   Slowly the pain ended and there was balance in my world again.  That boy always did carry me to the moon and back...

And it just wouldn't be Christmas without the infamous Brut snarl!

And while that's hard to top, I mean we are talking about Brut here, right?  You my faithful readers are right on his paws.  24 Paws of Love readers are the most  supportive, loving and understanding bloggers on this planet.  We can not begin to thank you enough for your care and compassion as we wind down this river, jutting a new course in life and having you there with us.

You have helped to brighten our sorrows when we felt alone and misunderstood by the outside world.  We have laughed at funny post and silly sayings when we thought we could never feel love again.  And you have cried with us, holding our pain in your hearts... 'thank you' just isn't enough, but please know it comes from the bottom of our hearts...

Thank you Friends, Thank you.

I'd like to take a special moment for those whom have lost loved ones this past year.  Forgive me, I know there are more, these are the ones I know.

White Dog Diaries

Please wish these friends a Merry Christmas and a soft woo for their pain this holiday season.

Friday, December 11, 2015

a sad Christmas...

Hello Friends and Bloggers,

I've been working on our Christmas cards for the last couple of weeks.  I make my own photo cards and it has been especially heartbreaking pouring through photos of Brut.  Knowing that all we have of him in the digital world is what we will ever have of our boy, and that is very sad.  

There hasn't been much in the way of Christmas spirit.  We are just taking each day as it comes.  Dec. 18 will be Brut's six month anniversary of being gone.  While each month has been a marker, there is something about not seeing or touching or hearing Brut for half a year that has broken my heart more than when he first died.  This will be on top of the year anniversary that our duck, Luigi, died three days after Christmas.

If it wasn't for the rest of the dogs and cats, we wouldn't make it through this grieving process.  The highlights of my day is taking the dogs for a walk.  I struggled this past summer, so heavy with grief, that I didn't have the energy to take them out.  Hubby, Mark did most of it, until his hours at work caught up and now I'm doing most of the walking.  Some days it's the only time I smile and laugh for that day.

It's taking a lot to keep our heads above emotional waters.  When I was creating our photo Christmas card par Mark's idea I burst unexpectedly into tears.  Brut is on the card and this awesome idea happened when I put him in a certain spot. That's when it hit me how perfect the card is laid out.  That's all I will say about the picture, but it was pretty awesome!  It was like Brut was right there with me, guiding me.  And he was.

But then the more I looked at it something was missing, something more than just Brut.  I don't know I couldn't figure it out.  So I started playing with the design and it was an emotional upheaval.  When Mark saw the cards, he went through the same feelings.  I tried and tried to fix it, but it was hitting too close to home, so I ended up starting over from scratch.  It was all too much.  The new card is better.  It doesn't hurt as much as the one before.  Not sure what we'll do, we either one or do both, but we'll make a decision this weekend.

Say a prayer for us.  Thank you.


Friday, December 4, 2015

Sleep Tight Bruter Boy

I covered up Brut's roses today.   The gesture only took a couple of minutes, but it felt like it sucked the life out of me.  My heart dropped to my stomach and I haven't felt right since.  Another turn of the season without my Brut and another about to begin. I swear nothing will ever feel right again.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Dear Brut,

I'll never forget that day that we brought you home so long ago, November 22, 2006.

You were a little fluff of terror at 6 weeks old.  Two days later on Thanksgiving, I didn't know what to do or how to go on keeping you.

You scared the begeezes out of me and I couldn't explain the terror I felt anymore than I could explain why you acted so wild and untamed.

And then I see this picture of innocence and sweetness and I remember the day I took it.  We had finally made a connection and had an understanding.  It was so precious how you would peek at me over the board then run back to the couch and wait for me to give you a treat.  It was the beginning of many connections between us that we built on for any obstacle we encounter and when we couldn't overcome, we still connected.  I'll always remember that day.

And while I can't physically remember every day of your life with me, the memories are stored in my heart and channeled to my soul so that you are always with me.  You transformed my life, how does one repay that.

Today would have been your 9th Gotcha Day.
I love you more than life itself, Bruter boy,
Thank you for taking the journey with me,

Love and miss you forever,


Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Walking with the Wise Dog.

The weather was gorgeous and was close to 70!  Quite rare around these parts, especially in November!

Despite the sunshine and warm temps, today was exasperating.  I awoke from a nightmare I couldn't shake.  Hasn't happened in a long time, but my day started off very slowly and not so great.  I had to scold Fiona for pouncing on Boxer (our cat) when they were outside and for the fact she wasn't listening to me at all when she was doing it.  I went to put her in her crate for a time out and she wouldn't go in it.  Then she made a lunge after Zappa when I went to give him his treat.  Yes, Fiona is a chip off her ol' dad, Brut.  She is not as fierce as her dad, but some treats under the right conditions can get her fired up.  And I yelled at her again.


Then it was walk time and the last thing I wanted to do.  I was tired and just didn't feel like doing it.  Eventually I talked myself into 5 short walks with each dog.  Zappa was first.

Oh, I wish I knew how to describe Zappa and our walk.  He was so gentle and light footed.  Not pulling or rushing, like he was tiptoeing through the trees. The whole walk was in the woods at sunset.  I let him guide me and I felt the stress of my night and day trickle down my fingers into the crunchy leaves and moist Earth.

We followed many deer paths and scared up quite a few that were just on the outskirts of the trees.  The walk got longer and longer and I forgot all my cares and worries of the other dogs.  It was just me and Zappa right now.

Do you what it like to have your hair tied up and let it down with the wind?  That's what it was like.  I could almost feel the breeze blowing through my soul.  It was so beautiful.

Those were the kind of walks I used to have with Brut when I was tense and I just wanted to runaway with him into the woods and forget everything.

Wonder if Brut was with us today?

Zappa is our old soul dog and the wisest of all five.  We have been tuning into each other and he must have known what I needed.  No doubt.  It was a wonderful walk and shared time together.  Brut would have been proud of his son taking such good care of me.  :)

Monday, November 2, 2015

Silver Joins in the Healing

While the loss of Brut has changed our lives forever, part of those changes are silent blessings.  We've witnessed some pretty amazing things with Silver showing more of herself without her mate and the Brut Regime.  They are tender sweet memories that have made me smile in awe through the sadness this summer and fall, for I know she too has been through a huge loss as well and shows me how to carry on.

Silver by far has made the biggest changes as she bonds more tightly with her kids, Zappa and Fiona.  Silver has a life all her own.  At twelve years old this is her second big loss, after the death of Alex (her first love) and she continues to carry that spunk and energy that is all her after losing Brut.

One of the first things I noticed was her love of toys, especially balls, came back.  Being that she is part retriever she has always like a good game of fetch.  When Brut came along she didn't get to play very much because Brut, being the stud he was, always wanted to mount her.  Which then would usually start off a game of chase between the two.  But now, we can play fetch a little longer without the interruption.  It doesn't last over five throws, but the joy on her face and the bounce in her body is enough for this crafty girl to have a good time.

The second thing I noticed since Brut's death with Silver is she started joining in on the hunt with her kids.  Ever since we got Silver she has always been a hunter, bringing me mice and such and dropping them at my feet.  Then we got Brut.  And he was a fanatic about hunting chipmunks and squirrels.  Just crazy!  I can't believe he actually let Zappa and Fiona hunt with him without serious repercussions.  Silver basically stayed out of the game when the puppies came along, so to see her join in with them was awesome!  It is like watching someone getting back to their roots and being reborn.  So beautiful.

Then this happened the other day:  Fiona and Zappa started up a game of chase and Silver was part of it.  That was true beauty!  The first couple of time when Zappa and Fiona started chasing each other, Silver looked so lost.  She just laid there with her head down, missing Brut.  So when I saw the Trio chasing and romping around with it each other, it melted my heart.  The healing has been incredible with these three.  I hope to bring more updates of their progress, because it is like a miracle to watch.


Thursday, October 29, 2015

Flashback Friday-the Proud Parents and Grandparents

 the Proud Parents 
of ten puppies 
(born Jan.2, 2008)

Grandma under the Puppy Blanket

Grandpa says goodbye to Chance...
Never knowing that Chance will come back and seize his heart.

I love my kids, but they are cutting into my nap time! 

Tell me about it!

Come join hosts Five Sibes and Love is being owned by a Husky for Flashback Friday!

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

It was never his time...I didn't know

I've been afraid to write this for fear of it being misconstrued by some who might say that we didn't do the right thing with Brut.  I won't apologize for any of what happen and last I knew, Brut was our dog, not yours.

So with that being said, I share my experience, strength, hope and weaknesses of how I didn't know.

Brut changed my line of thinking about everything that was dog.  He challenged me to think outside of the box.  He wanted me to open my mind to the possibilities that existed, like how they think and see the world, but mostly he wanted me to understand him.  Brut insisted that I learn how to communicate with him on his level, using non-verbal expression and he wanted me to learn how to interpret that line of communication by listening to him.  He even did this until his death this past summer.

Brut taught me of his moods and how to read his body language.  I'd give you an example but I am horrible at translating them to another human.  I just needed to be able to understand his dog language.  It didn't matter if anyone else understood it, it was just important that I did.

As I went through my own adjustments to interpreting Brut, something started to sink in that he had his own way of thinking and ideas about what he wanted.  And that included his death.

Brut told me everything how he was feeling, what he was thinking and whether I got it all or not, I practiced with him to get better at delving into his soul to understand more.  The conversations we could have with just his ears alone was mind boggling.  There was so much more to it than Brut showing me he was angry or happy.  We were able to converse about what we were seeing and doing together.  I thought I knew that boy almost inside out.

So you'd think with this bonding connection that I would know when it was 'time.'  In fact I swore up and down I would know.  How could I not?  Hubby, Brut and I made a pact that the three of us had to be in agreement on the timing.

Whatever happened we would all decide together.

You'd think that with all of the secrets we have shared together, Brut and I, he would have let me in on this one, but Brut, being Brut, had his own agenda.

See I let go of Brut sometime after seeing the x-ray, about two weeks before he died.  I knew then his time was short and it confirmed what I felt.  Brut was dying.

After letting go, I don't know why, but I came to realize that the final decision was between Brut and Mark.

Mark was still hanging on with all hopes and prayers that there was still a chance to save him.  And Brut made it clear he wasn't going any where until Mark was ready.

They slept the last five nights together on the living room floor.  Two nights before his death Mark told Brut through a flood of tears, "If you want me to let you go, I will."

The next day Brut's breathing was short and shallow.  He was also the most alert I'd seen him in a long time.

And for some reason even with this knowledge I still didn't 'know'.  I knew it like a math problem and that it fit together and made sense that it was his time, but Brut never told me and so I didn't know.

And when we called the vet to come to the house the following day, I still didn't know.

And for several days after that I kept asking Mark, "Did we do the right thing?"  He always answered yes and I trusted him.

I would have never believed if you told me I wouldn't know when Brut's time was.  It would have a ludicrous for me to even imagine.  The dog who told me everything, told me to trust Mark.  And that was all he whispered.  

Friday, October 23, 2015

Flashback Friday-Zappa and Fiona at the Lake

Funny how fast time flies and yet I can remember this day with Zappa and Fiona at the lake like it was yesterday.  It was their first time leaving the yard to a new and exciting place, their first time in water and their first time running free.  What happen to my little puppies?   :)

They were just four months old and acted like they ruled the world!

Just try and catch me big brother!

Gotcha lil' sister!

If you have a memory or picture you'd like to share on Flashback Friday, join on the blog hop HERE!

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

WW-Brut's Roses: A second burst of blooms

They were suppose to die off in mid-September, but Brut's roses weren't giving up that easy.  Remind you of anyone?  :)  

While we've had good weather, we've also had small bouts of cold rain, sleet, snow and high winds that didn't cause a whimper.  I guess there's a reason they are called Knock Out Roses!  They just keep blooming!

And hubby Mark, always just looks at me and says, "Is it any wonder?  Look at who's under there!"

That's my Bruter Boy!

Have a happy Wednesday!

Friday, October 9, 2015

Chance Zen

I had an inner peace that shone like gold.  Not realizing until Chance stopped that I stopped with him.  Walking together we had become a single unit.

When he stopped again, I thought, this is our zen moment.  We are having a zen moment.  

Chance sniffed the ground  while I continued to observe what was happening here.  My feet are tingling because...I'm rolling my feet!  I'm not pounding the pavement with my heel. (like normal)  Interesting! The blood was flowing through my toes and massaging my feet, making them feel alive and full of vigor.

What else?  Chance is calm, focused and his movements are all smooth and swift.  His fur was loose but firm as opposed to when we started when it was almost standing on end with anxiety and anticipation of the walk.

Something about his calmness in our zen moment made me realize, I didn't have to be afraid ever again.  Brut was inside of my heart, Chance was outside created by Brut.  I had nothing to fear.  Chance claimed me then and there.  We were both in such a calm groove that nothing could have disturbed our zen.

I tend to forget that Brut is inside his kids. They all have such defined personalities and demeanor, yet they were created by Brut and I will always have part of him in them.  Hubby, Mark and I have talked about this before about how individual Zappa, Fiona, Chance and Blaze are it is easy to miss the Brut in them.  Yet, every day they show more of their dad's true qualities and freedom to express themselves.  All I have to do is open my heart a little wider to embrace the Brut in them.    

Monday, October 5, 2015

Brut's Song

Long time readers may remember that with the passing of each pet in our lives, comes a song that becomes "theirs."  And Brut is no different.

The song nor the group probably needs little introduction and are both known worldwide.

Of course the song has significant meaning to me, but I really didn't discover its true inner power until Brut was ill and then suddenly it took on a whole new meaning.

The song started playing in my head for weeks while Brut was sick before I actually put it on to play.  It fit him to a "T."  Something like, this dog was just too good for this world.  Brut was a dog ahead of his time and the only way you could know that was to meet him.

While I actually have a list of songs for Brut and his demise, this one is at the top and is truly him.  Written for the late Syd Barrett, do you see the connection?


(you can start at 5:15 for lyrics)

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Brut, save me from the Boogie Man

It's the change of season.  And even though the weather has been warm, the skies have been sunny and the trees are still very green, it doesn't change the fact it is fall. It just draws it out.  I do alright through the day missing Brut.  It is as constant as my heart beat but it is when the night falls earlier and earlier each evening this is when it gets more difficult because my anxiety kicks in when I realize I don't have my protector by my side.  My Big Brut Boy and all his protective toughness is gone with him.  He helped to keep me solid that way.  I'd never want to see what Brut would've done to protect me, but I was always glad I could count on him if an event ever presented itself.

Brut was so strong and confident, completely self-assured, if not a little cocky.  There was nothing better than feeling carried by him on our walks.  Total control and domination.  It was like being clutched in big bear hug for life.  24/7.  He just wouldn't let go.  And I miss that terribly about his presence.  That bigger-than-life-awe-studded-presence.  And I miss the security of him being here.  My anxieties notice the difference too.  Brut used to keep me safe from all the boogie men that are out there and it just isn't the same without him here.

I don't know quite how to describe how it feels without him here protecting me. And that's not to discount the rest of the pack, they are great protectors, but there was something about Brut that you could cling to and feel like he could take on the world if needed.  It was one of the most debilitating things about his decline, he seemed indestructable.  I still can't get my head around how his being was so infalable and yet he died anyways.  It all happened so quickly and then it was over.  It stills blows my mind.

Take care my friends,
From our paws to yours,

Patty and 24 Paws of Love


Thursday, September 17, 2015

90 Day Anniversary by Mark

It seems like it was only Yesterday
You were sitting here next to me
Having my morning coffee
Getting my Brut Charging
Helping me get through another day
In this life that has so much Inhumanity
90 Days since away have you gone
Everything just feels so awful wrong
You were the one that I would go to
You were the one that I would talk to
You were the one that I would walk with
You were the one who believed in me
As I always believed in you
Oh Brut how I miss you so
I don't think I will ever let you go
So with each and every night
With my Memories of you clear in sight
I go to the place that I laid your body to rest
I sing my Twrinkle Twrinkle Little Star
And My Rock a Bye Baby to you
Like I have done from the very first day(you came my way)
I want you to know that I love You
I will never forget the Times
That we both did share together
Brut You were my Hero
You are forever my best Friend
Thank You My Bruter Boy
For Always Being You
Goodnight My Friend Forever

Monday, September 14, 2015

Something a Little Sweeter

Thank you all for bearing with us as we process and grieve Brut's death.  While still challenging and emotional, we appreciate your ear when I know it hard to listen about pain most of you have experienced before and I just want to thank you for bending yours.

So I thought I would share a beautiful love story in the making.

Zappa has always been Mark's dog from the minute he was born, Mark took care of the necessities to help bring Zappa in this world when Momma Silver didn't take right to him.  They have been tight ever since.

I had Brut and he was my dog.  It seemed equal enough.

Over time Zappa and I slowly began to get to know each other.  We really took our time.  And about that same time Mark was bonding more with Brut and having their one-on-one time.

Well after Brut died, I notice Zappa and I started to gravitate towards each other.  Next I know he was taking me under his paw.

I taught Zappa to sit and lay down with just my eyes for a treat.  Eventually he learned to do it without any inquiry from me to get his goody.  He sits down, then scoots his butt back until he's laying on the floor and then swing his legs to the side.  All the while giving me gentle paws to make sure he gets his reward.

Well yesterday he was laying down as I sat in my chair and was pawing at my leg to get my attention, but it was more like he was pulling down on my jeans. His eyes seem to be saying, "Come down here with me," like he was trying to get me to come down on the floor with him.

So I did.

Zappa rolled right into my torso and I held him.

And we stayed like that for some time.

Which is odd for Zappa because he doesn't like to be held very long nor does he lay down for very long.

But that day, he did.
For me.

For us.

For Brut.

For love.
Doesn't that just melt your heart?  

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Down In A Hole

I don't know if anyone can understand this, but I'll try to explain...

I was going to capture a moment when one of my favorite Alice in Chains' song came on the radio.  But I couldn't.  The timing of the song was perfect for how I was feeling at that moment.  I couldn't stop eating my chicken dinner, in fact I ate faster, shaking as I felt on the brink of my body going into emotional spasms. I couldn't stop the song.  I couldn't stop anything.  I felt like I was fighting for my life.  That song used to explain how I felt all of the time.  Digging deeper into that hole of depression where I have been for far too many years in my life.  But now...hearing it now when we are counting our lives by the days, weeks and months that Brut has been gone...there I was again.  In that spot, in another context of my life holding my wilting soul hurting like I didn't think could be done.

And then the song was over.  And I wanted to capture it on paper, but I couldn't.  Minutes went by, I couldn't bring it all together in my head.  I listen to the song on YouTube and the moment was over.  It was that connection of eating dinner, the song, the sun setting too early, the rainy day we had, and the unofficial end of summer yesterday that made it all come together.  In a few weeks it will 90 days that my boy has been gone.  One full season that I missed of my Brut and his love.  I know, I know his spirit is all around me.  That still doesn't make up for what was taken from me.

These lyrics say it all...


Friday, August 28, 2015

Just Popping In...

Hello blogger friends!

Just popping in for a few minutes to say hi and let you know how we are.  Hubby, Mark and I are doing OK considering it has been 10 long weeks since we buried Brut.  The weeks are flying by as the permanent loss of him gets deeper and deeper into my soul.  I haven't felt Brut's presence in weeks.  I am just so empty and lost without him, yet I still have good memories.

One thing I lost was that fear in my heart of Brut being an aggressive dogs with other dogs.  I still had a twinge of it whenever he got close to one of the dogs and then I would remember to breathe, quietly and normally as he passed by or interacted with them.  It is amazing how much fear I carried about Brut from the time he was a puppy until his release.  It was a blessing that came with his death and I have chosen to embrace it.

The rest of the 24 Paws have also been released of thier fears as well.  They continue to greive along with us.  The girls (Fiona, Silver and Blaze) seem to be having the hardest time losing Brut.  While Chance and Zappa seemed to be greiving our loss and being our comforters.

The roses on Brut's grave are just starting to end their cycle for the summer.  I did see maybe one more bud that may come to bloom, but it is really too early to tell, as we are starting to have signs of the fall season upon us.  And soon the colors will change and it will be our first autumn without Brut...

And so the cycle of grief and life continue like a never ending wheel.

That's all for today.

Take care,
Patty and the 24 Paws of Love

Thursday, August 20, 2015

60 Days Gone,My Best Friend

Since my better half is taking a Repreive for awhile from Blogging,I am going to try to give Updates on our Blog.
Every morning I have been having Dog Talk Time with each Pack and I try to have my video going in case something happens with the Dogs,who love to chase chip munks and squirrels.

Well on this day on tues,It marked 60 days since we laid Daddy Dog Brut to rest.Sorry it is 9 mins long,but it does show what we do the morning each day.I really do not know what I would do,if I did'nt have the rest of my Paws to help me make it through another day without my Bruter Boy.

Or watch on YouTube HERE.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

A much needed repreive

Losing Brut has been one of the hardest parts of our life that I have gone through and I'm exhausted with emotions, numbness and depression.  So  I've decided to take a blogging break for while.  

I don't know how long I'll be gone, so I will leave you with this:  A post I never posted about Brut long before we knew he was sick.  I still feel this way about him now.

It almost scares me how deep my love for Brut can be.  The trust, security and the devoted loyalty given at no cost.  How my core fears calm when I can curl up inside of him.  

Understanding and knowing each other inside and out.  And the whole world dissipates from looking into his eyes.  

I have always trusted dogs, but I don't think I've ever opened my soul to one so willingly and with such ease.  There is a comfortable that moves like my own body.  If I were a dog I would be Brut.  If Brut was a person he would be me.  That's how extreme we are.  We are almost interchangeable and yet each of us are so unique with our own personalities and differences.  Sometimes we can be the exact opposite of each other.  

Sounds like a marriage, doesn't it?

That is what it is like with my heart dog Brut.  

Take care of yourself my friends.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Life and walking the dogs.

I didn't want to walk the dogs.  It had been an emotional and tiring day and I was thinking of taking the night off.  It wasn't fair to them that they were laying around for me and crying over Brut.  They were hurting too.  The dogs needed a walk just as much as I did...so I gathered my courage and the leashes to walk the Back Dogs Trio, Silver, Zappa and Fiona.  Something I don't do too often, but tonight seemed like a perfect evening for it.

It didn't take long for our spirits to rise and get our hearts pumping.  I took a very safe dog-free route and there was something very cool about walking the trio around the block.  It was pretty awesome!  While they were quick walkers, they did really well altogether.  At one part of the walk, Fiona wanted to go her own way and take everyone with her, but we manage to negotiate and had a really great walk.

After my walk with the trio, I came home more than ready to take on the speedy Front Dogs. They are always a blast to walk!  And so much more disciplined than Fiona and Zappa.  We kicked ass around the block and it felt so good to be moving.  I mean really moving.  Since there is something about death that slows your whole world to a stop and then just lingers there.  I even got to run part of the stretch, something I haven't been able to do very much of due to joint issues.  It just felt fluid.  The cool wind in my hair.  The fresh air surrounding me and a nice break from the heat we had yesterday.  And running with my two favorite dogs, Chance and Blaze.  It had been a while since I'd felt life.

And as I sat outside, cooling down from our sweaty walk and feeling the satisfaction in the dogs, I felt the acceptance of my life as it was now, without Brut.  And I was OK with that.  In that moment all was in it's place and everything was in order.  And I felt peace.

And about the minute I realized my acceptance, I felt the plucking of sadness on my heart.  Not totally willing to give over.  For it was only hours ago that I crying over my boy and missing him so.

It was a wolf video, you may have seen on FB that reminded me and made me ache for Brut.  A person stands by themselves, a pack of wolves come running and I am fixated on the alpha male who licks their face like crazy.  I watched intently as he controls the pack with growls and looks even pinning the lower ranking wolves in submission.  He reminds me so much of Brut, but on a smaller scale.  Brut could just give a look and everyone would turn the other way.  The sounds!  I never thought I would miss those growls and snarls so much and the power that was thrown around for his own respect.  The video is awesome and beautiful.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Brut Runaway

I've been crying all day over Brut today.  I went to look for a collar for our cat Boxer to wear and get used to, when I came across two of Brut's baby canine teeth and cried.  Doing some simple tricks with the Back and Front Dogs and I broke into tears remembering how we all used to work together on sit, lay down, rollover.  Glancing directly into Chance's eye and seeing his dad in him made me tear up.  So many little things about Brut that are bringing on the water works.

When I feel this way, lost, confused and sad, Brut was my rock.  On days like this we would runaway into the woods.  Twisting and turning through the paths and making our own.  He would test my cross country skills, jumping logs and dodging branches, we made our way into our own universe.  Where I would learn to let go of myself and let Brut take charge and harness all the freedoms that came with him.  Like being swept away by the wind.  It was just magical the way our primal instincts took over.  There was nothing like it.  It was our play land and we ruled it.

Miss you Bruter boy.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Brut Possession

I never knew what a hold Brut had on this family until he was gone.  Or I should say, I didn't know how strong it was until he let go.  Brut was possessive by nature.  It was just part of his character and loyality that couldn't be matched.  For he held each one of us in his capture and returned it with his devotion to each and every person and dog in this home.  Brut was the mortar that held the bricks and was the foundation of everything we stand for, love.  Pure unconditional love.  While fierce at times, his passion ran deep and he never stopped loving us.  All of us.  With all the pleasure and pain that love brings with it.  He taught that for every rose, there is a stem of thorns to accompany it.  I may not know what tomorrow brings, but Brut's love does.  It is always and forever, burning deep in my mind and heart.

For you Bruter boy.
I love you.


Monday, July 13, 2015

Prince Zappa

Each dog had a special relationship to Brut and that I would like to expand and memorize on in depth.  They are all grieving in their own way and it is beautiful and heartbreaking to watch them mourn their Daddy Dog Brut.  I am so grateful hubby, Mark and I don't have to go through this with just each other.  Instead we have an entire family of dogs to share in our pain and sadness while they share theirs with us.

I thought there would be a great upheaval in the pack's hierarchy when Brut died, especially with Zappa.  If anyone has pushed to be the new King all this time, it has been him.  He constantly was challenging Brut and crossing Brut's boundaries for what I thought would be his day of reckoning. And it didn't come.  Not even with Brut's death.  Then I thought Zappa would become unruly and obnoxious and plain out of control as he was when Brut was around. Yet after Brut died, the status has stayed the same.  Since it was Brut and I that ruled this kingdom together most of the time, maybe with Brut gone, Zappa accepted that I was still the leader and the only real beef he had was with Brut.  As a son has with his father and the clashes that come with those titles.  Maybe it was just a family affair between dogs and not so much wanting to be king.  Or maybe Zappa just tested his skills to prove himself to his dad that Zappa had what it took to be king too.  Or maybe it is the death and loss of his father that has taken that fight out of him.

If I had to guess, it is a combination of all of these as to why he has chosen to stay Prince Zappa.

And what a beautiful Prince he is.


Friday, July 10, 2015

Hubby says it best

Hubby's words say it best how we are feeling:

I am sitting in my truck taking a break, looking at my favorite picture of Brut that I keep in the truck. I knew when I woke up this morning what day it was.It was Thursday. Three weeks ago today we buried Daddy Dog Brut. God I can not believe he is gone. Yes, I know he is, but for three weeks now their is a part of me that is numb. I am having a hard time doing anything. I don't want to do anything but stay home with my family of dogs. Yes, i'm going to work, but I have to force myself to go.

Monday, July 6, 2015

The Roses

We planted a reddish-hot pinkish rose bush in Brut's grave.  It spices up our little memorial garden as the other plants there have already bloomed.  Leave it to Brut to take center stage.  ☺

It was hubby's idea for the roses.  I hadn't a clue as to what to plant.  Roses fit much of Brut's characteristics.  Beautiful, fragrant and thorny.  A fitting flower for a King.

I bawled all day the day hubby picked up the roses, not knowing if I could go through putting the roses in his grave.  So final.  A completion.  But when the time came, I was OK.

We planted the rose bush on July 4, in the evening, about the time of Brut's burial.  It seemed fitting.

And the roses are beautiful.  Full of buds and as I said is the center of our memorial garden.  It adds so much color and vigor to an otherwise green background. The flowers are a loose petal rose that when they open the petals look like they are going every which way.  They are majestic as an opening bud and have a delicate sadness as the petals tend to weep when they are fully open.  It is like watching a subtle dance of Brut's life.

A while I'd rather have my Brut back then the roses, the roses represent Brut quite well.  I don't think hubby could have found a better match.

They are perfect.

(please forgive my lack of photography skills as there is a saturation of red that I don't know how to fix.)

Thursday, July 2, 2015

All Dogs Go To Heaven

It is two weeks ago today that I let go of my beloved heart dog, canine soulmate to the other side.  His beautiful body may be gone but his heart and spirit live on inside and around me.  There will never be another boy like Brut and I will feel this for years to come. But one thing Brut was all about was love, no matter how he was he did everything out of love, if for no one else than me.  While I was teaching him to control his anger, he in turn did the same for me.  After 30 years of abuse I had some inner rage.  Some days I was walking dynamite and lashed out at my husband for what seemed no reason at all.  I didn't understand what I was feeling and didn't know what to do with so much anger.

That's where Brut came in. While at first I reacted in fear of his aggression once I started listening to him and responded instead, I began to grasp what I was dealing with internally.  Little by little we began to work out all the knots and kinks of our anger issues and when no one else understood, Brut did.  He just let my tiger come out until it was a purring kitten.  No judgement.  No expectations.  No questions.  No answers.  He just let me be me.  Where ever I was at in my journey and I did my best to do the same for him.  We were so alike in that way.

And now two weeks since we buried Brut, my anger at losing him has cropped up several times through the course of my loss.  Anger that he's gone. Anger that he left us so early in his life.  Anger at the cancer that ate at his body and I could not stop it.  Anger at how short life can be.

And as I sat in chair with this anger stirring around my head, a love song by the group YES, began to play through my head. I wanted to fuel the anger.  I was angry, but the song continued to play and I gave into it. I felt Brut's spirit right there in the song, teaching me another life lessons of turning my anger into something positive.  Love.

The song is Love Will Find A Way.  How fitting, right?  :)  

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Has it been 5 years already?

Our first header

Well, it 5 years ago today that we started the 24 Paws of Love blog.  I can not believe it has been that long ago.  So much has changed.  So much has remained the same.  There is not a day that goes by when I don't feel the love that I felt right from the beginning.  The love that we have with the 24 Paws of Love just keeps getting stronger and more real and I am so grateful for our family of paws.  I know they were all sent from heave above.  There is no doubt about it.  

We decided to repost our first post (below), at this time it is the thing to do.  With Daddy Dog Brut passing away in the last two weeks, I am still beside myself and words don't come easy.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Life after Brut

By Patty

Sitting here, wondering if anything will transform from my thoughts to feelings that I can write down.  I've been having a hard time, but I will try.

Since Brut passing, I have struggled just to journal my feelings.  They just seem frozen in my head.  My body and mind are still going through shock at his loss.  Last night after everyone went to bed, I sat in my chair thinking about him.  I dozed on and off for about an hour before it became eerie being in the room without him.  The vastness and emptiness were overpowering and scary.

Being a highly visual person, Brut's spirit isn't far when I can envision him next to me or at my feet.  His peaceful spirit is strong, like he always was, and I find myself comforted in a way I can't explain.  It just is.

There have been many times I thought Brut was just "in the bedroom," or "outside," with his presence being so strong at times.

I cried at his grave a few nights ago, because I didn't know how to talk to him now.  We always spoke with little words, mostly with body language and eyes.  We knew each other inside and out.  And now it feels like our communication has been cut off except when I am able to envision him.  And it isn't the same.

The week anniversary of Brut's death, was one of the most difficult.  That's when I felt and began to realize, Brut was gone and wasn't coming back.

The rest of the 24 Paws are struggling as we are.  They are all mourning, sad, sleepy.  We are taking walks every day and I'm playing treat games with them.  But they are still quiet and don't quite know what to do with their leader being gone.  We are trying to get through it one day at a time and together.

And so the last 10 days have been a blur or tears, sorrow, sadness, peace, anger, and love.

So while this gives you a run down of what has happened since Brut died, I don't think I express any feelings out of it.  Maybe it is just too fresh and hurts so deep it will be a while until I reach them.

Thank you so much for all of your comments and prayers.  It has truly helped us going through this difficult time.       

P.S My Wife Patty does most of the writing on our Blog.

Friday, June 26, 2015

A Brut Thank You

Hello to all our friends out there.  It has been a really long, long week for us since we laid Daddy Dog Brut to rest last Thursday evening.  We want to really thank you for all the comments that everyone has shared with us.  We want to thank you from the bottom of our heart and soul.  You will never ever know what your thoughts and prayers of love have meant to us.  Each and everyone has helped us make it through another day without our  Bruter Boy by my side.  It still feels so unreal that he is really gone.  I really can not say much at this time.  It just seems our whole world has been turned upside down.  It is not just us that it has effected, it has really effected Brut's kids.  Most of the time they just seem lost and without their leader around anyomore.  We have walked them almost every day when I get home from work, but I can really tell it is not just the same thing.  Hopefully in time.  Well my eyes are starting to rain again.  Before I stop I have to let you all know that I found a video of Daddy Dog and his kids playing when the puppies were only weeks old.  I wanted to post it on Father's Day but it was too early.  But I will post it for this Sunday on FB.  I have this idea that all dogs that are fathers should have their own Father's Day.  It is a really good video of why I called him Daddy Dog Brut.

God bless you  all and thank you again for being our friends.

Love, Mark, Patty and the Paws

P.S.  Please say a special pryer for our puppies, Zappa, Fiona, Chance and Blaze and Momma Dog Silver.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Brut: Oct. 11 2006- June 18, 2015

Until we meet again...

Daddy Dog Brut passed away in our arms last Thursday night.  He was laid to rest next to Alex and across from Luigi (our duck).
We made cast of his paw prints and snipped the tip of his tail.
Heaven has a new warrior in town.  :)

Sunday, June 14, 2015


The Last time I Updated was written on thursday and posted Friday morning.That day was Bruts worst day so far.I did not go to work until late morning cus I did'nt know if I should.
He had a hard time walking,he would not eat or drink any water.I knew i would have to be at work late because of my late start.Patty kept very close watch on him,and stayed by his side all day.We talked on the phone,it seeed like hour on the hour,her giving me updates.We thought this could be the end.but we kept on Praying and doing everything we could to helped brut.Before I forget Thank You Theresa in Arizona for your sugg,
I read the comments that I got before I went to Work,which helped me get going.So the whole day was just one hour at a time.I decided that I would get all my work that night,So I would not have to leave the whole week-end.So I would be able to spend the Whole week-end with Brut.At 10 that night Patty said for me to get some Pedialyle for Brut(Thanks again Theresa in Arizona)and get some Gatorade.
Shortly before I got Home,He started to Perk up and he drank some water and he eat a little bit.First thing I did when I got home was went to see Brut and I gave him ( a bowl of Pedislye )and he dranked it all up.So I gave him almost all the rest of It.I also got his water bowl and put half water and half Gatorade in it.That night I walked with him outdoors to go pee pee,and we came back in and I slept with him in the Living Room.
On Sat morning he was more like himself,He drank his water and he ate has food in the morning and he was walking around like nothing happed the day before.I was able to spend the whole day at home and Brut was his old self for the most part.One thing I forget during all this is,My Vet,tolds us before that he would have his good days and his bad days,and Friday was really one of his Bad Days.
So I did sleep with Brut in the living room Sat night and we both slept in,with no alarm clocks.Thanks be to God.I will be spending another day,ALL day,Except for 3 hours that I have to finish my Job from last week.
THANK YOU,THANK YOU,THANK YOU to all my Friends on Facebook,who have sent all their Prayers to DADDY DOG BRUT and Us.It has really made a differents,for everything we have been going Through,It Is really a GREAT FEELING to know that we are not alone and to know we are not the only ones who love their Dogs like we love ours.Thank You All Again mt Friends.
Mark,Patty and DADDY DOG BRUT
P.S.Thank You Again Theresa for the Pedialye.