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Current blog look inspired by and dedicated to Chance, Blaze and Fiona who all kicked ass against cancer and liver disease.

Brut Quote

Brut Quote

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

Struggling

Dear Friends, 

I made it to Blaze's one year anniversary, only to feel like I fell off a cliff the next day.  

Reality is so hard.

Now Chance and Fiona's one year anniversary is coming up and I'm grieving hard.  They died three days apart from each other and I am not handling it very well.  

I wanted to write up a little memoir for both of them and I don't know if I can do it.  I have been at a loss for words and have been feeling quite numb.  I'm surprised I made it this far for this post.  

I can't look at Facebook anymore. The groups I'm on, it seems as if all the dogs are dying.  It has become a living reminder of what I am going through myself.  

So, I don't know if I will be able to do something for Chance's and Fiona's day, but I know I will be thinking of them.  


Hope you are all doing well.

Thank you for thinking of us.  

Patty, Mark, and Zappa

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

The Royal Blood/24Paws connection

 Tonight my favorite English duo, Royal Blood are playing here in Michigan.  I've been upset for months that I couldn't go.  Covid and Zappa.  Mostly Zappa.  I have really struggle with why the stars aligned the way they did for today.  It seemed like there was a roadblock in every direction.  

To me, Royal Blood is a band of all bands for alternative rock.  While it feels as if the the rest of the rock world is dying, this band is more than a breath of fresh air; they are like getting straight oxygen to the brain.  They had me with their first beat of their first single.  

Tickets went on sale in Dec. '21 and were still available last week.  There was just no way I can go.  Today, I finally accepted that and thought I will have my own private concert at home.  I'll play their 3 albums back to back and just enjoy the music.  

I was half way through the first album, Royal Blood, when I found myself feeling uneasy and like my brain was churning.  I had to walk away from the music and sit outside.  Before I left, I looked at the year this album came out.  2014.  That's when the puzzle came into focus. 

Brut died in 2015 and I'd been listening to this album, before and after he died. I lived on the album.  Sometimes it helped me grieve while other times it was a break from grieving.  

The 2nd album, How did we get so dark?, came out in 2017, the same year Silver died.  I played it to over and over that year.  

The latest album, Typhoon, came out in 2020. Our last summer with Chance, Blaze, and Fiona.  Guess what got me through after they were gone.  

Every significant death is connected with these songs, these albums, and this band.  

Maybe, just maybe seeing Royal Blood live, tonight, would have been more than this broken hearted dog mom could take.  


Monday, April 4, 2022

My Heart Journey

 The other day I saw a post on FB for a rescue dog that was ready for a home.  It was a Husky, of course, female about 8 months old.  Just for the hell of it I went on the rescue website that was for Huskies.  I forget the name of it, but I found myself reading the articles they had on how to bring a new rescue home and the steps to take, things to do or not do in order for a successful start.  I was very impressed with this information the rescue group offered, so much so that I bookmarked the page.  I was feeling some peace.  Just letting my mind stay open and following my heart.  Then I looked at the dog page, just to look.  I wasn't picking out a dog or having any inklings of doing so, I just thumbed through the pages.  It was a nice feeling.  No commitments.  No pressure.  No desire.  Other than to just let my heart explore the possibilities.  My heart, you know, the one with a wall around it trying to keep my three in there.  The one with all the pain and sadness.  The one that hurts so much I don't know if I want to live sometimes.  Yeah, that one.  So when I ended my journey with peace in my heart, I thought, "Maybe this isn't the end."  Maybe it is the start to a new beginning.  Maybe when the right dog comes along, I'll be able to embrace on a new heart journey.  Just saying.  💗