Silver's Yucca plant

You know that all the 24 Paws have their own roses on their graves.  They also have their own inside houseplants.  

Today I'm going to share Silver's Yucca plant:

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There's a little back story to this plant and how it became Silver's:

Two years before getting Silver (2001), Mark bought me 7 houseplants for Christmas.  We'd had a few plants around the house, but his presents got me hooked on the hobby.  

So in order to care for all these different plants, I found a house plant encyclopedia that covered a variety of plants.  One of the first plants I saw in the book was a Yucca and wanted it.  I thought it was so cool, but for some reason I never thought about buying one.  Strange?

Silver died in 2017 and that summer after her death, I found myself in the garden section, staring at a Yucca plant.  In all my years of plant shopping, I had completely forgotten that I wanted one, until now.  That's when I knew I had to get it for Silver.  It was so weird how that plant slipped my mind for so long, until I saw it.  Sitting there, ready to go home with me.  

 

Silver Love

She taught me how to be a dog mom, while showing what a loving mother was.  

To me and the pups.

It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, learning to be loved by a mother dog.  I was able to share this life with Silver and witness her motherhood for eight years.  

She was the glue that held the family of the 24 Paws together.  When she died the whole family fell apart.  The pups and us were never quite the same again.

She never asked for anything and would stand back while her pups demanded attention from me.  

She had a couple of encounters with her pup, Chance whom she gave kisses to while they were together.  

She was strong, independent and stubborn as all hell, but had a gentle and loving spirit.  

She nurtured my soul, knowing before I knew what I needed.  She was sensitive and intuitive that way.

She was our first puppy and I made every mistake possible with her.  Yet, she was so forgiving.

I can't believe it has been seven years today that she disappeared from our lives.  The 24 Paws was started because of Silver and ended with hole in my heart forever.   

The Royal Blood/24Paws connection

 Tonight my favorite English duo, Royal Blood are playing here in Michigan.  I've been upset for months that I couldn't go.  Covid and Zappa.  Mostly Zappa.  I have really struggle with why the stars aligned the way they did for today.  It seemed like there was a roadblock in every direction.  

To me, Royal Blood is a band of all bands for alternative rock.  While it feels as if the the rest of the rock world is dying, this band is more than a breath of fresh air; they are like getting straight oxygen to the brain.  They had me with their first beat of their first single.  

Tickets went on sale in Dec. '21 and were still available last week.  There was just no way I can go.  Today, I finally accepted that and thought I will have my own private concert at home.  I'll play their 3 albums back to back and just enjoy the music.  

I was half way through the first album, Royal Blood, when I found myself feeling uneasy and like my brain was churning.  I had to walk away from the music and sit outside.  Before I left, I looked at the year this album came out.  2014.  That's when the puzzle came into focus. 

Brut died in 2015 and I'd been listening to this album, before and after he died. I lived on the album.  Sometimes it helped me grieve while other times it was a break from grieving.  

The 2nd album, How did we get so dark?, came out in 2017, the same year Silver died.  I played it to over and over that year.  

The latest album, Typhoon, came out in 2020. Our last summer with Chance, Blaze, and Fiona.  Guess what got me through after they were gone.  

Every significant death is connected with these songs, these albums, and this band.  

Maybe, just maybe seeing Royal Blood live, tonight, would have been more than this broken hearted dog mom could take.  

The best unlaid plans

 It was a new morning.  The clouds were parting for the first time in weeks, showing a faint blue sky and some hazy sunshine.  It was mild again today, the temps in the 30's.  Fantastic weather for mid-January in Northern Michigan.  

Hubby and I had our morning ritual, talking about all we could do on this nice winter day and what we'd like to get done.  For the most part our minds were content.  The dogs were doing well and we couldn't ask for more.  

Despite our excitement over our plans for the day, we moved slowly through the morning hours.  Taking our time with the dogs, when we noticed Fiona in pain.  That darn torn tendon in her right shoulder.   We'd been lucky so far with walks on ice and snow and in the yard, but she most have strained it somehow.  

Watching her pace back and forth is difficult to watch.  Or she stands, then lays, then is back up again, only to walk to another spot and do it again.  

And that was all it took for our day to crash to the floor.  Between Silver's anniversary yesterday, Brut Thursday (today) and Chance, our emotional plate was full, only to have it toppled over now that our little girl was hurting.  It became a day of hugging the dogs and spending time with them.  Which isn't a bad way to spend the day, it was just hard under those circumstances.  It just makes for more tears when you are sad and scared. 

By the end of the afternoon Fiona was doing much better and moving without pain or extra pain medicine.  Mark walked Chance, Blaze was at my feet and Zappa was comfortable in his chair.  

And it turned into a great day after all.  Even with all our plans being squashed and the daylight fading away, we spent the day with the ones we love most, which was the best unlaid plan we could have had.  ♥   

untitled

The other morning I was doing some writing about Silver and her hip dysplasia, when I noticed Fiona, who also has hip dysplasia, lying on the floor.  I was flooded with emotions.  I give a lot of credit to the puppies acting like Brut, while sometimes forgetting that Silver is part of them too.

Going ahead with Silver's pregnancy, knowing she had hip dysplasia, was a tough decision.  A good breeder wouldn't have done it, but neither Mark nor I could quench that gut feeling that Silver was suppose have that litter.  We knew it was a risk, but our gut told us to go with it.  So much so that when found out that Fiona had it, having her outweighed that detail.  We have done everything we can to keep her fit, healthy and pain-free and she is worth it.  We don't know what we would do without her.

Looking at Fiona, that rush of the feelings carried me off the chair and laying down next to her.  I couldn't imagine not having Fiona here in our life.  She let me hold her for a few minutes as sudden tears busted loose.  I grieved for Silver and I cried with gratitude for Fiona, for being there and for the Silver inside of her.  It was an emotional moment and it wasn't long before Fiona gently moved over, scooting herself from the situation.  She's never been one for handling tears.

We know many wouldn't have made the move forward with the pregnancy, but something kept telling us to follow through.  We have been nothing but blessed ever since we did.

Our "little" Fiona

The Power of Ten with Momma Dog Silver

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What have you done with your dog that you felt in your heart and soul was the right thing to do even though it went against the grain?

Silver's 2 year anniversary

This will be short and sweet.

My dear Silver passed away two years from today and I still miss her so.  I have never really been able to design the blog with her fur, without making the whole screen all black.  lol  I can't help it, black is my favorite.  So I will be working on a new blog look that includes Silver's fur and that you can still be able to read.  :)

It will have to meet both our standards as she looks down today.

Until then, what do you think of our new header?

Silver's colors are dark pink and black.

Be sure to check back!!

Silver- Missing my girl

Silver:  A year and a half gone exactly today.

Missing her velvety coat

Her intensity

Her white muzzle against the snow

Her solid blackness with any background

The way she always slept

I miss everything about Silver.

And then some...

Our Experience with Hip Dysplasia

Thank you for the well wishes for Fiona.  She is on the mend and doing quite well.  She has been running around the yard like crazy this past weekend as the weather has finally warmed up a bit and Fiona has decided to take advantage of it.  I swear, if you saw her, you'd never know she has hip dysplasia.  There is nothing better she loves to do than run.  She would've been the ultimate sled dog.  Sigh.  At least we got a couple good years of her sledding with her mom, Silver.  They were a good pair together.  How I wish I had video of them two sledding together.  Long before the times of GoPro's and such.  Or even a picture of them would be great.  They were my slow and steady girls.  Such a nice comfortable ride.  Steady pace.  So much fun for a beginning musher like myself.  The good ol' days.

And even though Silver had hip dysplasia as well, it never gave her any pain or problems.  And she really didn't pull until her later years, when she ran with her son, Zappa.   Another slow and steady runner.  And they ran beautiful together, especially when Silver did start pulling and taking some of the weight.  Silver still ran pain free and wasn't bothered by her hips issues.

But Fiona was a different story.  I notice she was bothered by her hips around the time she was 2 years old.  A few times sledding with her mom, regular chase games and it became obvious she was uncomfortable.  I gave her just regular pain meds, until the pain got so bad, we took her in for x-rays at age 3 to confirm, she had hip dysplsia,  Fiona was immediately put on a glucosamine supplement called:  Dasuquin with MSM.  Within a day, there was dramatic improvement, she was moving and eating again.  Dasuquin was our miracle for Fiona.  Not only was it helping with the pain, it cushioned the joints in her hip bone.  She's been on it now for 7 years, with no signs of stopping.  We just recently had x-rays done again and you can actually see between the hip bone and the leg bone a layer of cushion that wasn't there before.

When Fiona over does it, like running around the yard or I take her for too long of a walk and she needs pain and inflammation relief, the prescribes Melaxicam and seems to take care of pain.  This is how she is able to run around the yard at free will, one of the most beautiful sights to see.  Even if Zappa won't play with her, she runs FREE.

We've had three different dogs with hip dysplasia, Alex, Silver and Fiona. It's difficult at times, but with medication and management your dog can run free too.

I don't know why I went down this memory lane, but if it reaches you, know that hip dysplasia isn't the end of the world.

I wouldn't trade my three dogs for nothing and if I had to do over, I would do the same.

Don't let your dog and you be defined.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

I looked down and was in a mixed state of awe and disbelief.  The smallest of the 24 Paws of Love was curled up next to me, with her head resting on my leg.  On the couch, no less.  Something this little spitfire has only done a couple of times in her short 10 year life.  I didn't want to breathe, for it might upset the delicate balance we were experiencing.

It was dog walk time and I was feeling quite down.  Too down to go through with the walks.  I finally just sat on the couch feeling defeated.  When Blaze came over to me and with her soft eyes began to access my pain.  

One paw at a time, she ever so gently, got on the cushion next to me.  And in one effortless, but swift turn, she spiraled  until her head was on my lap.  

I found myself at a loss, for words or thoughts.  Blaze had done what no other dog had shown to the degree that she was now.  She had taken the mother role that Silver had always held.  Right at the exact moment when I needed to be nurtured and comforted, Blaze was there.  This precious girl not only knew what I needed but how I needed it.  She drew out my pain and brought me back to the real.  Back to the here and now.  She had done it before since her mom, Silver had died, but this was the most direct and obvious she had ever been.

I didn't want to move as I soaked in her healing powers, but with four dogs, sitting for any length of time is short lived.  The moment was over, as I watched her walk off the couch.  Or was it?  Just those few short minutes with Blaze made me feel suddenly energized and refreshed.  I felt I could tackle those dog walks.  And I did and we had a blast!  Still blows my mind the instinct and care that this little girl has and I can't begin to imagine the many more secrets she has up her paw. 

Can you believe that?  How many of you have experienced something similar?  Do you find your females to be more nurturing or motherly?  I am still reeling.  It took me a week to be able to try and express my feelings about it and I still can't completely grasp it.  It was just so precious and beautiful.  Tell me dog spelled backwards isn't God!

Silver's heart will shine on

Today marks Silver's one year anniversary since her passing.  The week has been hard leading up to today, but today I feel released and at peace.  I think about her every day and see so many of her qualities in her kids that shine through even more since they lost their mother, Silver.  In return, I see more of Silver every day.  Things I couldn't see before as strongly as I can now.  Mostly her giant, gentle heart.  She was such a beautiful mother to her kids and to me.  Those nurturing qualities have been passed on to her kids, in different ways and forms.  Silver's heart will shine on.

A poem I wrote shortly after Silver died, that speaks true today:

In the depths of blackness
I have wondered if I could ever love again
Another dog
Not knowing how to love the ones
I have
It was like the love just
drained from me
into the dirt
and I didn't know if I
could feel again
How could this human
bear that pain again
It doesn't seem possible
As someone once said to me
Intensely we love
Intensely we grieve
And it feels like my heart
can not bear
anymore
Not one more ounce of the loss
until I wake from my death coma
to know Silver's love is still
there
in every ounce of blood
coursing with love
Four puppies who lost
their mother
and I am renewed
I am not alone

Christmas Header-Now there are two

I was going to wait until Christmas Eve to unveil the header, but what fun would that be?  :)

This year's Christmas header was especially difficult.  It was hard to find a good face shot of Silver.  Which meant I went through almost every picture I had of her.  After two weeks of looking, I finally broke down and cried and cried and cried.  Last year at this time Silver was sick from cancer and we were trying to get her to eat.  As much as it all hurts, at least she is free now from all pain.  

Taking pics of the kids was pretty easy.  They'll do anything for a treat...well, almost anything!  They are part Husky you know.  For Chance and Blaze it is second nature for them to pose, they are like professional models.  It's a little different for Fiona and Zappa, as Fiona doesn't let Zappa get too close to him when there are treats.  She is so much like her Father, Brut.  lol

One thing I realized looking through all those pictures of Silver, Brut and family, is that I didn't have enough.  I went through a couple of really tough years of depression and I barely took any photos those years.  I have repeated this same cycle grieving through Brut and then Silver.  I don't want to look back and not have enough memories of my puppies. 

Enough said.

p.s.I'd like to thank my husband for the awesome design idea for the Christmas header.  It was all his idea.  All I did was take and find photos and put it all together.  ;)

We make a good team.

10 months after losing Silver

I did not expect to lose Silver so quickly after losing Brut.  Silver's gene's were strong on her dad's side and I really thought she had a good 3 or 4 more years to live.  Sometimes I'm still in shock over her death from 10 months ago.  Sometimes it is still hard to believe Silver isn't here, her presence is still strong.  I feel her at my side throughout the day and night.

Morning times are my mourning times.  It is when the sadness spills all through my body and I don't know how I am going to go on that day.  I am never alone during these crying spells though, and it is Silver's kids that keep me going knowing that their love and hope will carry me through another day without their mother.

I have been grieving for almost a year now and Silver's anniversary is in January.  Silver is the dog we've had the longest.  Maybe that's why it feels like she is always here and never really left.  Her body may have died, but her spirit is strong with me.  Maybe that is why I've never written about her death on her page.  I just can't bring myself to do it.

I miss my girl.  This time last year we knew she had cancer and we didn't know how long she had.  My time was spent taking care of her until the end.  I miss my little Momma Dog Silver.  I miss her mothering intuition and how she always took care of me.  Her perfect timing, her all knowing and the touch of her velvety fur.  She was so awesome like that.

I'm glad she still here.  I don't feel so alone with her by my side.

Where there was Brut...there was Silver.

 Brut and Silver were a pair, a match made in heaven if you will.  There was no Brut without Silver and no Silver without Brut.  Ever since little Brut joined the family, he was spellbound with Silver.  I have video of a seven-week old Brut humping Silver while she laid on the floor on her back.  Even since that first time, he never stopped trying.  Brut was pretty much enamored with Silver.  So much so that he never tried to leave the yard after another female scent.  And for an unaltered male, that's intense.

I have unfinished post about Brut and Silver's "monogamy," and the curiosity if there is such a thing.  I'm sure if Brut had the opportunity to mate with another female, he would have done it, but I find it unique that he never try to escape for it.  He never roamed. He didn't have to, he had his girl right at home.

This "monogamy" that Brut and Silver carried out was so intense for Brut, I think it was the reason he died first.  Hence, he would have never survived the loss of Silver.  I had these feelings years before Brut died with what I witnessed between them.  Since Brut was an aggressive dog and threw out his feelings instead of withdrawing the situation would have been worse than any dog fight that we've ever had.  Obviously God must have had the same thoughts and we were blessed without knowing what would have happened if Brut hadn't of died first.

And like most couples who live together for years, when one goes, shortly afterwards the second one follows.  Silver was no exception.  After a year and a half without her boy, she followed Brut home.  She had her time with just the kids, preparing them for their new roles they would undertake as the Alpha dogs of the Back Pack.  While she prepared for heaven and her reunion with Brut.

Another Level of Reality

In 6 days it will be Silver's six month anniversary since she passed away.  She had her first bloom on her roses today.  It has brought me much sadness in the beauty.

I miss my girl so much.  By the time of July 13th, her roses will be half in bloom.  They are Old English Roses called Winchester Cathedral.  A name that has special meaning to a Crosby, Stills and Nash song we love.  We planted them a month ago today.  Added rocks around her from our favorite place called Copper Harbor in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, a place we took Silver and our first dog Alex several times.    Then put up new fencing and post around Silver and Brut.  Surreal. Somber.  Peaceful and Beautiful.  Our new cycle of life for the Momma and Daddy Dogs of the 24 Paws of Love.

Someday I hope to find the love and joy in Silver's roses  like I have with Brut and the spirit that lives on in her.

Wordless Wednesday-Brut and Silver...Rest in Peace

Exciting News!

There's been a lot happening here at the 24 Paws of Love, so it will take a few post to get it all in.  The best and most exciting news is in relation to the post about Silver's Last Song.  It seemed like within days of writing that post and sharing how quiet the house was since Silver was the one who always starting the Howling Choir, the four pups sang!

Blaze started it, followed by Chance, then Fiona and Zappa.  They sang their little hearts out.  They blew the roof off and it was beautiful.  So completely awesome.

So all it takes is Blaze to start and the others follow.

And the Howling Choir tradition carries on with this little girl...

"And a 1 and a 2 and a..."

And this is just the beginning of the good news.  Stay tuned for more!

sadness overload

It's been 10 weeks today that we buried Silver.  It seems like it was so, so long ago.  Like eons of time have past.  Sometimes it seems so long that I wonder if she was ever really here.  I can't explain how it feels but it is an eerie feeling.  I see and feel all of the aftereffects of her death, the dogs, the cats all still stressing now that the mortar of the family is gone, but I don't feel her.  I don't feel my Silver.  She has just vanished somehow, someway, in ways I don't understand.  It leaves me so empty and open and vulnerable.  I feel like I can't reach her and will never be able to do so again.

Grave sadness that kills the soul.  I've lost my girl.  My Silver.

This is how I feel:

Silver's Last Song

Just a song, before I go...

Silver sung one last time with her 4 pups the day she died.  

Here is her song...

(Watch here or on YouTube)

For the most part Silver was the one who would get the dogs singing and  which started the Howling Choir. She always got everybody to sing along.  They usually sang about 2 or 3 times a day. Their music bust through the walls. You couldn't stop to think.  You just had to listen or sing along.

 It's been a very quiet since she's been gone.  :(

I miss my girl and the dog concerts.  Some things will never be the same again.

Silver's Song and the Power of Music

Long time readers may remember that our animals whom have passed on have a song.  While there may be personal meaning or not with the song, these songs start playing in my head and fit my relationship with that pet.

Silver has been the exception.

I've had a slew of songs running through my mind that all fit in some way or form, but nothing that really sticks.
   
And then I heard Aerosmith's song "Dream On" and something clicked.  Being that Silver was the mother of the group, she has taken care of all the dogs and me.  She always knew the right thing to say or do at just the right time.  Silver always understood what I was feeling, as only a mother could.  She didn't try to change my feelings when I was down, she would just come and sit next to me and feel it with me.

"Dream On" has always been a favorite song of mine and one I would call epic.  I felt this song come straight from Silver's heart to me.   Instead of me giving her a song, Silver gave one to me, in her motherly ways telling me never to give up on my dreams.  Gives me chills just listening to it.  My girl, reaching out to me when I need it most to "Dream On until my dreams come true."

Burial or cremation?

Brut's roses adjacent to Alex's ferns and flowering bushes.

The open space next to Brut is where Silver now lies.

If you've been around us here at 24 Paws of Love you probably know that we prefer to bury our pets than cremate them.  It's just our preference.

Silver is buried next to Brut as one would guess and adjacent to Alex, her first love.  Then going counter clockwise from Alex are our two cats, Claw and Sparky.  Next to them are the ducks, Luigi, Mojo, Bandit and Lucky.

All of their graves are created into a memorial garden with flowering bushes that bloom around the time of their deaths.  I actually just completed planting the ducks garden this past fall, with a Holly bush for Luigi.  I thought I was all done for a while.

And now there is Silver.  My baby girl Silver.  Out there in the cold as the new addition to the "family."  Because there was a foot of snow and ice (at least) on the ground, we didn't know if we would be able to dig a grave for her or not.  We weren't sure how frozen the ground would be or how far the freeze line would go.  We considered cremation for her.  We didn't know if we were going to have an option.  And neither of us liked the idea.

My fear was that I wouldn't really get Silver "all back."  That there might be other dogs or cats mixed in somehow or that would be a mix up of sorts and I wouldn't really get her at all.  Mark has never liked the idea of cremation at all.  We were both uneasy at the thought, but didn't know if we had a choice or not.

Enter the beginning of a January thaw and two determined spirits.  We removed the snow and found only the top layer of the ground to be frozen as the snow had insulated the ground.  Add a little rain and some wind and we were able to dig a four foot deep grave for our girl.  This was two days before we buried her, something we had never done before, have an early grave.

We rested and breathed a sigh of relief.  Our girl would not be cremated, but buried beside her two loves in the way we felt was right.

And when we laid her down we were both quite grateful for being able to bury her as we have done with all of our other animals and we were thankful for Silver being no different.  She was right where she belongs with Brut and Alex and I feel her body is at true rest and peace.  And that gives me true rest and peace.

So how about you?  What do you prefer burial or cremation and why?