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Current blog look inspired by and dedicated to Chance, Blaze, Fiona and Zappa who all kicked ass against cancer and liver disease.

Brut Quote

Brut Quote

Sunday, August 31, 2014


We'll be back real soon.
Computer had a meltdown.
On it's way to the V-E-T
Hopefully it's get a good shot in the...
LEG.  I was going to say LEG!  BOL!
Please pray to the computer gods, it all comes back all better!
Thank you!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

One more thought on the Brut Whisperer and PTSD

 Can you see the fear in his eyes even at 6 weeks old?

What I sort of understood from the time I got Brut and going through his aggression, was that his aggression was a trigger for my PTSD.  Looking back his aggression stood for everything that was evil and wicked in my childhood abuse.  It sent immense anger, fear, and sheer terror.  And I didn't know how to separate that from Brut, the dog, who also had a horrible puppy hood and was dealing with his own demons of what he went through.  I didn't know at the time I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, all I knew was that I was reliving my childhood nightmares through flashbacks and memories and Brut was part of that.  Not just for the bad stuff, but also for the good.  For he gave me a strong rock to fall on and a devoted security and protection I never had in a dog before.  Or any living being for that matter.  His love was as fierce and as intense as his aggression and his loyalty was unbreakable.  I couldn"t have asked for a dog like Brut to help me heal through all of those wicked parts of my life only to find that he was given to me with the same sheer terror that I had inside.

 Our all time favorite pic of Brut

Maybe that's why he was sent to me and I to him, to help each other through the abuse we both went through and the fears that have scarred our hearts.  Because with everything I been through with Brut it was more than just a dog and human relationship, we were together to save each others souls.


If you or anyone you know is struggling with PTSD and would like to find out more info about it you can go here:

PTSD Town Forum that will be streaming live at http://upnorthlive.com 

on Thursday, August 28, 2014 at 8pm EST.


Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The Brut Whisperer

I sat looking at Brut as he looked out over his kingdom.  I could see the expression in his eyes even from where I was sitting.  He had a smile on his face as his large head grazed from side to side, searching the backyard for any signs of critter movement on which to pounce.  Brut's shoulders were down, his haunches relaxed and his eyes were full.  He was one content dog and I caught my breath as I realized the biggest change that had occurred in our relationship, I was talking softly to him, even to the point of whispering.

In the beginning I panicked and ran with fear when this aggressive dog would act out on the other dogs.  I yelled, I screamed, I made a fit of noise to break up fights.  I would get so frustrated that I would stomp my feet and slam doors with anger.  I was ridiculed with fear because Brut was a scary dog and I reacted out of that fear.

I knew raising my voice set Brut off when he was about to attack a dog and I struggled with making myself calm when he was acting up.  Some days Brut was just in a bad mood, testy I call it and he would try to pick fights and test me.

I don't know how else to describe the dynamics that happened with Brut and I, but I wasn't proud of it.  I practiced and practiced to control my tone of voice with him and together we began to heal.

It has been this past year or so that I've discovered the value of a soft tone and whisper have made in my relationship with Brut stronger than ever. 

And this is what I was thinking about as I watched his gentle form stroll over to me.  How the aggressive dog of the bunch quieted my own aggressions inside of me.

Reminder:  PTSD forum

PTSD Town Forum that will be streaming live at http://upnorthlive.com 

on Thursday, August 28, 2014 at 8pm EST.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Thank You Pamela-PTSD Forum

I can not be the only dog lover out there who suffers from depression.  I also know I can't be the only dog lover out there who has been through a traumatic childhood.  And I know I am not alone in dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder better known as PTSD.

I know there must be others out there who struggle with one or all three of these issues.  And I want to let you know, you are not alone.  I am there too.  It is a constant fight that is baffling and cunning and does everything to break you.

The dogs and my husband are a huge part of my healing process, but they don't change the fact that I live with my demons every day.

That's why I want to tell you about a

 PTSD Town Forum that will be streaming live at http://upnorthlive.com 

on Thursday, August 28, 2014 at 8pm EST.

Experts in the field of PTSD will help explain, diagnose and discuss treatments available.

It is free to attend and there is no registration for stream live feed, only if you physically plan to attend. 

The reason I thanked Pamela, is a feel like she busted the door on depression for me with her candid and honest post about her struggles with depression.  And I thank her for that.  We are not alone.  Together we can be there for each other and help each other through each of our battles. 

And that is when I realized there are others out there who would like to attend the forum and with the magic of the internet, anyone can.  

Friday, August 15, 2014

Just Because...

 Do you ever just
 give 'em something tasty

just because?
Me too. 

Monday, August 11, 2014

Zappa Socializes Again!!

I have had a hard time putting this post into words.  I have tried and failed many times on paper and in my head.  This whole experience blew my head away!

Let me back up.  For those who don't know our dogs aren't very sociable with other dogs and my brave friend and her courageous dog Callie has decided to take us on.  Our first walk was HERE, when Zappa went out of his way to get a reaction out of Callie with no luck what so ever.  He was so confused because no dog has ever acted that way with him.  They've always been ready for a fight.  Yet Zappa has a softer spirit when given the chance, it is how Blaze and him became fast friends.  So right now he's getting most of the practice with socializing.

Now here's the low down on how it all happened:

This is Callie!  Isn't she a cutie??
 Zappa and I headed out to the corner where we met with my friend L only to find that she not only has her dog Callie, but her mom's dog Tippy as well.  For a second I wasn't sure about taking on two dogs, when I realize Zappa hasn't barked, jumped, lunged or reacted in any way.  He was walking calmly and relaxed and I think he enjoyed getting out of 'pack mode' for a while.

So L and I are walking and talking, when a van pulls up and it is somebody she knows.  She chats with the older couple who also have two small dogs in their laps who are making a bit of a fuss.  Still no reaction from Zappa.  Not paying one bit of attention to the dogs.  My jaw is almost touching the ground. I can not believe this.  Is this even my dog?  Mr. Mouth Zappa who has to say something about everything?

So we carry on to the corner, where the 'invisible fence' dogs come flying around the house to their stop line.  I don't even think Zappa lifted his head as he continued to mosey down the past them.


And that's not the end of it!  As we made our way to the end of the road, there was a BIG black lab and a smaller scruffy dog hanging out with their owners who kept the dogs by their side.  Again Zappa calmly passes by, TWICE as we turn around and head for home.


Oooo, me like Callie!!
On our return route Zappa was starting to get curious about these two dogs who weren't reacting to him or that he had to react to and began venturing into the middle of the road.  Did I mention this whole walk L and I are walking on opposite sides of the road?  And Zappa was weaving back and forth towards Callie and Tippy.

Being that I am 'Brut programmed' and have learned to take everything with caution and baby steps.  I am not ready for their to be any contact yet.  This is all brand new for me and I don't trust it 100% yet.  I've just been through too many dog fights and feel the need to protect not only Callie, but Zappa too.  Though it is obvious Zappa has adjusted faster than I have to the whole process, I'm still going to take my time.  This was a huge step and some major progress for both Zappa and me.  And there is nothing I want more than to have it be as positive as possible.

Man, it was nice to run into dogs and not have a crazy dog on my hands!

Tell me has anyone else experienced this socializing their dogs??  This is so cool!!


Answer to yesterday's post:  Name that car!

This is my husband, Mark who got to sit in a 2004 Porsche Boxster and looking cool as hell! 

The car crew from White Dog Army was the only one who had it right!

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Cherish the Moment

 Favorite summer time lunch 
(tuna and crackers)

Two of my best friends

Sharing lunch together

Friday, August 1, 2014

How was your first in-store experience?

 Zappa the love bug!

I needed some paint brushes for a project I was working on and brought Zappa along to go with me.  Sitting in the car at Lowe's Home Improvement Center, I was hesitant about taking him in.  Not because of Zappa, but because I'm an introvert who isn't comfortable in public and this was stepping way out of my comfort zone!  Zappa and I have a good bond, but he is my husband's heart dog, so we don't have that deep connection.  He's been in the local pet store before but that was about a year ago, so this would be a new experience for him as well.