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Current blog look inspired by and dedicated to Chance, Blaze, Fiona and Zappa who all kicked ass against cancer and liver disease.

Brut Quote

Brut Quote

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Flashback Friday-the Proud Parents and Grandparents

 the Proud Parents 
of ten puppies 
(born Jan.2, 2008)

Grandma under the Puppy Blanket

Grandpa says goodbye to Chance...
Never knowing that Chance will come back and seize his heart.

I love my kids, but they are cutting into my nap time! 

Tell me about it!

Come join hosts Five Sibes and Love is being owned by a Husky for Flashback Friday!

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

It was never his time...I didn't know

I've been afraid to write this for fear of it being misconstrued by some who might say that we didn't do the right thing with Brut.  I won't apologize for any of what happen and last I knew, Brut was our dog, not yours.

So with that being said, I share my experience, strength, hope and weaknesses of how I didn't know.

Brut changed my line of thinking about everything that was dog.  He challenged me to think outside of the box.  He wanted me to open my mind to the possibilities that existed, like how they think and see the world, but mostly he wanted me to understand him.  Brut insisted that I learn how to communicate with him on his level, using non-verbal expression and he wanted me to learn how to interpret that line of communication by listening to him.  He even did this until his death this past summer.

Brut taught me of his moods and how to read his body language.  I'd give you an example but I am horrible at translating them to another human.  I just needed to be able to understand his dog language.  It didn't matter if anyone else understood it, it was just important that I did.

As I went through my own adjustments to interpreting Brut, something started to sink in that he had his own way of thinking and ideas about what he wanted.  And that included his death.

Brut told me everything how he was feeling, what he was thinking and whether I got it all or not, I practiced with him to get better at delving into his soul to understand more.  The conversations we could have with just his ears alone was mind boggling.  There was so much more to it than Brut showing me he was angry or happy.  We were able to converse about what we were seeing and doing together.  I thought I knew that boy almost inside out.

So you'd think with this bonding connection that I would know when it was 'time.'  In fact I swore up and down I would know.  How could I not?  Hubby, Brut and I made a pact that the three of us had to be in agreement on the timing.

Whatever happened we would all decide together.

You'd think that with all of the secrets we have shared together, Brut and I, he would have let me in on this one, but Brut, being Brut, had his own agenda.

See I let go of Brut sometime after seeing the x-ray, about two weeks before he died.  I knew then his time was short and it confirmed what I felt.  Brut was dying.

After letting go, I don't know why, but I came to realize that the final decision was between Brut and Mark.

Mark was still hanging on with all hopes and prayers that there was still a chance to save him.  And Brut made it clear he wasn't going any where until Mark was ready.

They slept the last five nights together on the living room floor.  Two nights before his death Mark told Brut through a flood of tears, "If you want me to let you go, I will."

The next day Brut's breathing was short and shallow.  He was also the most alert I'd seen him in a long time.

And for some reason even with this knowledge I still didn't 'know'.  I knew it like a math problem and that it fit together and made sense that it was his time, but Brut never told me and so I didn't know.

And when we called the vet to come to the house the following day, I still didn't know.

And for several days after that I kept asking Mark, "Did we do the right thing?"  He always answered yes and I trusted him.

I would have never believed if you told me I wouldn't know when Brut's time was.  It would have a ludicrous for me to even imagine.  The dog who told me everything, told me to trust Mark.  And that was all he whispered.  

Friday, October 23, 2015

Flashback Friday-Zappa and Fiona at the Lake

Funny how fast time flies and yet I can remember this day with Zappa and Fiona at the lake like it was yesterday.  It was their first time leaving the yard to a new and exciting place, their first time in water and their first time running free.  What happen to my little puppies?   :)

They were just four months old and acted like they ruled the world!

Just try and catch me big brother!

Gotcha lil' sister!

If you have a memory or picture you'd like to share on Flashback Friday, join on the blog hop HERE!

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

WW-Brut's Roses: A second burst of blooms

They were suppose to die off in mid-September, but Brut's roses weren't giving up that easy.  Remind you of anyone?  :)  

While we've had good weather, we've also had small bouts of cold rain, sleet, snow and high winds that didn't cause a whimper.  I guess there's a reason they are called Knock Out Roses!  They just keep blooming!

And hubby Mark, always just looks at me and says, "Is it any wonder?  Look at who's under there!"

That's my Bruter Boy!

Have a happy Wednesday!

Friday, October 9, 2015

Chance Zen

I had an inner peace that shone like gold.  Not realizing until Chance stopped that I stopped with him.  Walking together we had become a single unit.

When he stopped again, I thought, this is our zen moment.  We are having a zen moment.  

Chance sniffed the ground  while I continued to observe what was happening here.  My feet are tingling because...I'm rolling my feet!  I'm not pounding the pavement with my heel. (like normal)  Interesting! The blood was flowing through my toes and massaging my feet, making them feel alive and full of vigor.

What else?  Chance is calm, focused and his movements are all smooth and swift.  His fur was loose but firm as opposed to when we started when it was almost standing on end with anxiety and anticipation of the walk.

Something about his calmness in our zen moment made me realize, I didn't have to be afraid ever again.  Brut was inside of my heart, Chance was outside created by Brut.  I had nothing to fear.  Chance claimed me then and there.  We were both in such a calm groove that nothing could have disturbed our zen.

I tend to forget that Brut is inside his kids. They all have such defined personalities and demeanor, yet they were created by Brut and I will always have part of him in them.  Hubby, Mark and I have talked about this before about how individual Zappa, Fiona, Chance and Blaze are it is easy to miss the Brut in them.  Yet, every day they show more of their dad's true qualities and freedom to express themselves.  All I have to do is open my heart a little wider to embrace the Brut in them.    

Monday, October 5, 2015

Brut's Song

Long time readers may remember that with the passing of each pet in our lives, comes a song that becomes "theirs."  And Brut is no different.

The song nor the group probably needs little introduction and are both known worldwide.

Of course the song has significant meaning to me, but I really didn't discover its true inner power until Brut was ill and then suddenly it took on a whole new meaning.

The song started playing in my head for weeks while Brut was sick before I actually put it on to play.  It fit him to a "T."  Something like, this dog was just too good for this world.  Brut was a dog ahead of his time and the only way you could know that was to meet him.

While I actually have a list of songs for Brut and his demise, this one is at the top and is truly him.  Written for the late Syd Barrett, do you see the connection?


(you can start at 5:15 for lyrics)