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Current blog look inspired by and dedicated to Chance, Blaze, Fiona and Zappa who all kicked ass against cancer and liver disease.

Brut Quote

Brut Quote

Monday, January 29, 2018

Like Mother, Like Daughter

I looked down and was in a mixed state of awe and disbelief.  The smallest of the 24 Paws of Love was curled up next to me, with her head resting on my leg.  On the couch, no less.  Something this little spitfire has only done a couple of times in her short 10 year life.  I didn't want to breathe, for it might upset the delicate balance we were experiencing.

It was dog walk time and I was feeling quite down.  Too down to go through with the walks.  I finally just sat on the couch feeling defeated.  When Blaze came over to me and with her soft eyes began to access my pain.  

One paw at a time, she ever so gently, got on the cushion next to me.  And in one effortless, but swift turn, she spiraled  until her head was on my lap.  

I found myself at a loss, for words or thoughts.  Blaze had done what no other dog had shown to the degree that she was now.  She had taken the mother role that Silver had always held.  Right at the exact moment when I needed to be nurtured and comforted, Blaze was there.  This precious girl not only knew what I needed but how I needed it.  She drew out my pain and brought me back to the real.  Back to the here and now.  She had done it before since her mom, Silver had died, but this was the most direct and obvious she had ever been.

I didn't want to move as I soaked in her healing powers, but with four dogs, sitting for any length of time is short lived.  The moment was over, as I watched her walk off the couch.  Or was it?  Just those few short minutes with Blaze made me feel suddenly energized and refreshed.  I felt I could tackle those dog walks.  And I did and we had a blast!  Still blows my mind the instinct and care that this little girl has and I can't begin to imagine the many more secrets she has up her paw. 

Can you believe that?  How many of you have experienced something similar?  Do you find your females to be more nurturing or motherly?  I am still reeling.  It took me a week to be able to try and express my feelings about it and I still can't completely grasp it.  It was just so precious and beautiful.  Tell me dog spelled backwards isn't God!

Monday, January 22, 2018

Life Lesson #275

Our cat Boxer was meant to be here.  Little did I know that through all our aggravation we dished out to each other, he was going to teach me a valuable life lesson.

I got Boxer as a kitten, just 22 days after my heart cat, Sparky died.  Sparky was my first pet and he was the coolest cat that acted like a dog.  He made me love cats like I didn't think was possible and losing him was devastating.  He had been through every significant point of my life up until his death.  I grieved hard for several year over Sparky before I was able to let him go and come to peace with his death.

So what was I doing getting another cat so shortly after Sparky died?

I don't know.  I just felt lead to Boxer.

Until he pooped in my lap when we were taking him home.  Then I began to question the mighty force that brought us together.

Boxer was all spit and fire.  A wild child who was the exact opposite of Sparky cool and calm nature.  It was after we got Brut that Boxer became obnoxious, pushy and demanding of me.  I had a hard time accepting Boxer for who he was because I was still grieving heavily for Sparky.  The emotional pain ripped through me and the more Boxer demanded to be noticed, the more I pushed him away.  I almost couldn't stand him sometimes.  I'm not kidding about playing aggravation with each other.  We learned to push each others buttons in the battle for each others love and attention.  I wanted a Sparky cat.  Boxer just wanted me.
I'm not sure when the breaking point was, but we finally broke through to the other side.  It wasn't easy.  It wasn't fun either.  But we finally began to understand and accept each other for the other and slowly have come full circle.

I never doubted that Boxer wasn't meant to be here with me.  I believe everything happens for a reason and what I went through with Boxer was no different.  He taught me that it isn't healthy for me to get another pet without fully going through the grieving process.  Waiting until I find that peace and serenity after suffering such a loss before bringing new life into my heart.  I don't want to put or go through what I did with Boxer after losing Sparky.  It was too hard on him and too hard on me.  Learning that hard lesson I absorbed through my relationship with Boxer is one of many reasons we are waiting to get a new dog after losing Brut and Silver.  I have learned that for me, I need that space and grieving time in order to really come to some peace about the death of a pet. 

I do believe everything happens for a reason and looking back I was lead to Boxer.  And I am ever so grateful. 

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Silver's heart will shine on

Today marks Silver's one year anniversary since her passing.  The week has been hard leading up to today, but today I feel released and at peace.  I think about her every day and see so many of her qualities in her kids that shine through even more since they lost their mother, Silver.  In return, I see more of Silver every day.  Things I couldn't see before as strongly as I can now.  Mostly her giant, gentle heart.  She was such a beautiful mother to her kids and to me.  Those nurturing qualities have been passed on to her kids, in different ways and forms.  Silver's heart will shine on.

A poem I wrote shortly after Silver died, that speaks true today:

In the depths of blackness
I have wondered if I could ever love again
Another dog
Not knowing how to love the ones
I have
It was like the love just
drained from me
into the dirt
and I didn't know if I
could feel again
How could this human
bear that pain again
It doesn't seem possible
As someone once said to me
Intensely we love
Intensely we grieve
And it feels like my heart
can not bear
Not one more ounce of the loss
until I wake from my death coma
to know Silver's love is still
in every ounce of blood
coursing with love
Four puppies who lost
their mother
and I am renewed
I am not alone

Monday, January 8, 2018

Chance, my soul, spirit and love dog

Chance is my second heart dog.  He is the son of my first heart dog Brut.  A heart dog is a dog that is like your canine soul mate.  You connect on a different  and more personal level.  Brut and I were like twins.  And it is not much different with Chance, though we don't reach the extremes that Brut and I did.

 Brut consumed so much of my time, attention and energies.  It was a wonder I could even take care of the rest of the packs.  He was a very complex dog with deep inner fears and had an aggression towards other dogs.  My entire being was based on his mood.  I never really swore or vowed consciously, but I didn't want to go through what I did with Brut again.  Thank God, there was only one Brut.

Since Brut died, for me, it has been about having equal time with each dog. Trying to make my time fair to each pack and each dog.  And while it has become the norm, to go back and forth, it can still be a challenge.  Especially when there is a special need to attend to, like a sick or hurt dog.  Or maybe someone just needs mom's touch and love.  Breaking it down two dogs in each pack helps and makes it more simple. 

Then there's Chance.  Chance seeks me out.  He goes out of his way to be close to me.  He doesn't demand attention like Brut did.  He is happy with every moment we have together.  It's our walks and playtime together that really bring it home for me.  There is just something about Chance that is special and full of heart.  Chance is a very quiet dog.  He only barks when he sees something outside and for that he's a very good watchdog.  He doesn't whine or snarl or cry, in fact he rarely "talks."  But he has this sing song woo-woo he always gives before a walk that just lifts my entire spirit.  He makes me want to sing with him.  There is something about that little woo-woo that tells me how he feels about what he wants and that he's ready to walk with me.

Chance isn't much for cuddling or very much petting, but he will get up on the couch with me when he needs me.  I never ask it of him, he comes up on his own free will.  The couch is small enough that we are always touching when he's up there and for him to even consider getting up on the couch with me, tells me he wants to be close.

Another way he shows me he cares is when he lets me hug him, something he will only partake in if he initiates it. Well, the other day I was so down about not being able to sled with him anymore, that I laid down next to him, put my arm around him and we just stayed there.  We stayed like that for some time.  Chance is so compassionate and forgiving that way.  He knew I was sad and he let me hold him in my time of need.

What make all of these acts so memorable is the vibe that is going on when we are together.  It is this vibe that is like music through my heart and soul that digs into a connection I've only had with Brut.  It is alive.  It is electric.  And it is real.  Just me and Chance.  Always.  All the time.  It is like unblocking a blood vessel and feeling the blood rush to your brain showering you with love and life.

I haven't a clue still what to call Chance, as I am reserving the name "heart dog" for Brut.  Soul dog, love dog, spirit dog, they all fit, but it is like naming a cloud, the form is in constant evolution.  As I believe our relationship will continue to change and grow like life.

I don't know where Chance is taking me, but hold on!  It is one wild dance!

What is your experience with your heart dog?

Thursday, January 4, 2018

The "Puppies" 10th Birthday Party

♪Happy Birthday to You...♬ 

First was presents!
One for Fiona... 

And one for Zappa! 

 Fiona was very frustrated, that there was no squeaky, just a voice box.  She wasn't impressed.  
Thank God there was stuffing to grab out!

Zappa wasted no time... 

 tearing the crap out of the dog head.  lol

 She can smile!!

Then it's to the Front Pack for their birthday gifts...

where you can hear the barking of the toy's voice box.
The Front Dogs were excited at first, but not overly impressed.
Chance kept looking for the " barking dog."

Then it was time for cake!

Fiona gulped hers down, while Zappa was still licking the cottage cheese frosting!

And while we couldn't set the cakes down in front of the Back Dogs for a shot like this,(Fiona!) my trusty Front Dog may have had a hard time but got the shot for us.


This is the most we've done for a doggie birthday party, including balloons and hats (which didn't go over too well).  But we had fun and I think the dogs did too.  And any ways it is such a milestone, with hopefully many more to come.

Happy Birthday Kids!

Have you ever gone all out on a birthday celebration for your dogs?  Tell us about it in comments!

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

The First Sign of the Bottom Falling Out

It's the "puppies" tenth birthday.  10 years old today.

We took Fiona to the vet today.  I know, not a very nice birthday present.  We wanted to get some x-rays of her hip dysplasia and check the status of it.  The last x-rays we did were when she was diagnosed at three years old, so we were looking for any major changes.  Fiona's hip were good, at least as good as they could be.  She hasn't had any pain since fall, but it was good to check.

Then the vet and us starting talking about Chance and how we could get him in for an x-ray.  He is very scared of the vets and screams before they even touch him.  We end up having to pin him down for shots or blood draws and we use a muzzle on him because he will get snappy.    It is always a tough situation.  The poor guy is just petrified of the whole thing.

So, our vet came up with an idea, and we were talking about what kind of x-ray to get.  A cancer screening (chest and abdomen) like we've gotten with all the dogs so far.  I was also interested in checking for arthritis and finding out if Chance was well enough to continue dog sledding.  I told her I was already seeing signs of arthritis in his lower back and she concluded that it would be much to painful for him to dog sled because of the compression on the vertebrae.

Tears sprung to my eyes.  My heart sunk.  Chance has always been my main dog sledding dog.  He runs with the power and speed of stallion.  And for those moments, when we sled together, it is like riding a race horse.

It isn't like I didn't know it would end, or that the arthritis would stop him, I've known all along.  I think I just needed to hear the words from someone I trusted and make it official.  And really we have only been out sledding the last three or four years very sporadically because we didn't have hardly any snow.  I guess God was letting us down easy through those years and now it is time to let go.

And while all the dogs are still in good health, it is a sign of the times that they are getting older and that every year with them is a gift.  It breaks my heart about not dog sledding with Chance, but hopefully it will lengthen his life for the better without doing it anymore.

But I think we are both going to miss it...

I know, kind of sad story for their birthday, but that's only because we haven't had the party yet!  Birthday party pics, coming soon!

Monday, January 1, 2018

Toasting to Healthy Dogs

Blaze:  Did she say healthy?

Chance:  Mmmm...more carrots...

We are giving a toast to our dogs and yours, for healthy dogs.

Don't worry, Chance, Blaze, Zappa and Fiona are all very healthy and we would like to keep it that way for this New Year (and many more to come!)

We would love the share this toast with you and your dogs as well.

May we all have a Happy and Healthy New Year!

Carrots?  Where?