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Brut Quote

Brut Quote

Monday, June 29, 2015

Life after Brut

By Patty

Sitting here, wondering if anything will transform from my thoughts to feelings that I can write down.  I've been having a hard time, but I will try.

Since Brut passing, I have struggled just to journal my feelings.  They just seem frozen in my head.  My body and mind are still going through shock at his loss.  Last night after everyone went to bed, I sat in my chair thinking about him.  I dozed on and off for about an hour before it became eerie being in the room without him.  The vastness and emptiness were overpowering and scary.

Being a highly visual person, Brut's spirit isn't far when I can envision him next to me or at my feet.  His peaceful spirit is strong, like he always was, and I find myself comforted in a way I can't explain.  It just is.

There have been many times I thought Brut was just "in the bedroom," or "outside," with his presence being so strong at times.

I cried at his grave a few nights ago, because I didn't know how to talk to him now.  We always spoke with little words, mostly with body language and eyes.  We knew each other inside and out.  And now it feels like our communication has been cut off except when I am able to envision him.  And it isn't the same.

The week anniversary of Brut's death, was one of the most difficult.  That's when I felt and began to realize, Brut was gone and wasn't coming back.

The rest of the 24 Paws are struggling as we are.  They are all mourning, sad, sleepy.  We are taking walks every day and I'm playing treat games with them.  But they are still quiet and don't quite know what to do with their leader being gone.  We are trying to get through it one day at a time and together.

And so the last 10 days have been a blur or tears, sorrow, sadness, peace, anger, and love.

So while this gives you a run down of what has happened since Brut died, I don't think I express any feelings out of it.  Maybe it is just too fresh and hurts so deep it will be a while until I reach them.

Thank you so much for all of your comments and prayers.  It has truly helped us going through this difficult time.       

P.S My Wife Patty does most of the writing on our Blog.


rottrover said...

You've expressed the numbness of your grief perfectly. I love how you can feel his presence. I had that same sensation the day after Gizmo died and we "went for a walk." You're in my thoughts...

2punkdogs said...

Brut was so lucky to be a part of your family.. We can tell that he left a big space, hopefully it gets smaller with time. <3

KB - RompRollRockies said...

I'm afraid that I recognize what you're expressing too. Sadly, it's part of the deal when you love a dog... After K died, it literally took me a couple of years to get back to a new normal. The only advice I can offer is to try to revel in the love and beauty that is still in your life. Brut will always be with you - in your heart. Lots of hugs to you.

Siku Marie said...

Time. Dear Ones. It will take all of you time...and each will make the transition at your own pace. Take that time and heal. Talk to Brut as f he was next to you. He is; you can feel his spirit. The WDA members who have Crossed freuquently are felt with us and we have regular conversations that leave me feeling a sense of calm or "rightness."