Confessions of a grieving dog mom- part 3

 

Three days after Chevy came home with us I got scared.  While everything felt right and I knew we made the right decision getting him, I was afraid of the commitment I'd made to Chevy and if I could mentally and emotionally follow through after losing the 24 Paws..  Taking Chevy in was such a big step for both me and Chevy.  I didn't know what happen to him or why he was at the shelter, except it involved humans.  I was afraid of letting him down.  I'd fallen in love with him from day one, but was afraid of being able to love him for him.  He was the exact same color as Zappa, which I hadn't really noticed when we first saw him and on that third day it scared me.  Then I noticed his eyes.  Chevy is bi-eyed.  His left eye is a caramel color,  matching his fur and was the same color as Brut's left eye was.  It was Chevy's right eye that messed me up.  It is a dark, dark brown.  You can hardly see the pupil it is so dark.  It looked just like Brut's right eye when it filled with blood and was the first sign of what we would eventually discover to be a tumor on his liver.  Looking at Chevy eyes was a huge trigger of Brut and freaked me out.  So, on that fourth day, I laid down with him on his bed and cried.  For him, for me, and the uncertain life we were taking together. 

And as the tears flowed, after a while Chevy started to get up.  He seemed scared. He moved away from me. That's when it dawned on me that probably the last person who cried over him let him go.  I stopped crying and told him, we were in it with him forever.  And ever.  And ever.  And ever. 

Things went fast and slow with our healing.  He was such a fantastic dog who was happy most of the time.  He made it easy.  Every afternoon we would go outside and sit out in the shade and have some decompression time.  Sometimes I would pet him or talk quietly to him about what he'd been through, or I would tell him what a miracle he was to us.  Sometimes we would sit in absolute silence, with just the breeze blowing around us.  Those moments we had together were the glue that held us together.  We connected deeper and deeper each time.  I literally watched him settle into his skin a little more during these times.  That time period was precious.

Chevy's six month Gothcha Day will be this Saturday, December 21.  Right on the Winter Solstice.  I've come to embrace his Zappa coloring, which didn't take long.  I still struggle a little with Chevy's eyes.  I find myself looking at the lighter one more, but at least it isn't as painful to look into both of them.  And as for my fear of being able to love him, Chevy took care of that just being his gentle loving self.  We have been so blessed with Chevy and I can't say it enough.  He is the most amazing dog.  It was so easy to fall in love with him and love him forever.  ♥            

Confessions of a grieving dog mom: Part 2

Chance, Blaze and Fiona were my water guzzlers.  Especially Chance.  He could empty a bowl in no time.  I was constantly filling the bowl.  After the three passed, I struggled to give Zappa fresh water.  He never went without it, it just wasn't fresh.   I just couldn't seem to get past the fact that the bowl was always full,   Sometimes I would stand and stare at the full bowl, paralyzed.  I knew I should empty and fill it, but I couldn't.  So I would just walk away. It got so bad that eventually Mark had to step in and start giving Zappa fresh water.  

Now we have Chevy and I have to remember all over again about supplying water.  Don't worry, Chevy is equipped for the task.  He lets me know daily that he needs fresh water to drink by walking to his bowl, smelling it and turning away.  He likes his water really fresh.  I was worried that I would do a Zappa repeat, but Chevy nipped that right in the bud.  

So cool how that worked out.  

Chance's Grief

The first night without Blaze was the worse for Chance.  Mark was up with him most of  the night while Chance paced at several different speeds through the house throughout the night.  Inside, outside he didn't know what to do.  He kept looking for Blaze, even though we showed Chance her body before burying her, but he couldn't find her.  He kept looking from the spot where her body was to the grave.  

The second night Chance sniffed around the grave and dug just a little into the sand on top of it.  The third night he got right on top of the grave and sniffed it for more than a few minutes.  And on the fourth night, just last night, he buried a bone at the head of the grave.  Later today, he dug it up and chewed on it for an hour, outside, standing up the whole time.  When Mark went to take him for a walk, he didn't want to go.  Chance has never turned down a walk.  EVER!  He's still eating and drinking water, which is good, but we found blood in his stool tonight.  Time might be shorter than we think or hoped for our Chance.  Turning down a walk is a good indicator that something is wrong.

So between the cancer and losing Blaze, this might be more than our loving boy can take.  Please keep Chance in your prayers and thoughts.  Thank you!