Brut Self-Love

I've needed dogs all my life, they were my mentors on love, but I never needed I dog as badly as I needed Brut.  He's been teaching me the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn and one that only he could teach.  Self-love.

I've been in a downward spiral of self hate for most of my life and living thru the memories of my childhood abuse (PTSD) only made things worse.

I think it is why I related with and loathe Brut's aggression.  It made me face myself and that was the last thing I knew how to do.

There was a part of me that loved his freedom and power to express himself.  Nobody walks all over Brut.  I struggled to reclaim that power in my own life.  To have the confidence and strength that would stop myself from my own self beatings.

And I hated Brut too for his aggression and the violence and cruelty it portrayed.  It became a cycle that I couldn't see.

I fought hard for my heart dog.  Even before I knew a word that described him.  Little did I know that every time I faced Brut, I faced myself.

Brut's aggression would go from 0 to 60 and back in a matter of breaths.  I took a little longer on my end of forgiveness.  

No matter if it was my fault or his for a fight, eventually I came around to forgiving him and most

important, I continued to love him.  And every time I loved him, a little piece of me was loved.

This awful, horrible being I grew up thinking I am, was chipping away when I was confronted with Brut and his aggression.  For I already knew the beautiful being Brut was. I was shocked to discover much later he was thinking the same thing about me.

It has taken many years of dog's unconditional love that kept me believing in love at all. It was Brut that started breaking down that self prison with every growl, snarl, and gnashing of his teeth to wake this girl up and set her free.

   

The Brut Whisperer

I sat looking at Brut as he looked out over his kingdom.  I could see the expression in his eyes even from where I was sitting.  He had a smile on his face as his large head grazed from side to side, searching the backyard for any signs of critter movement on which to pounce.  Brut's shoulders were down, his haunches relaxed and his eyes were full.  He was one content dog and I caught my breath as I realized the biggest change that had occurred in our relationship, I was talking softly to him, even to the point of whispering.

In the beginning I panicked and ran with fear when this aggressive dog would act out on the other dogs.  I yelled, I screamed, I made a fit of noise to break up fights.  I would get so frustrated that I would stomp my feet and slam doors with anger.  I was ridiculed with fear because Brut was a scary dog and I reacted out of that fear.

I knew raising my voice set Brut off when he was about to attack a dog and I struggled with making myself calm when he was acting up.  Some days Brut was just in a bad mood, testy I call it and he would try to pick fights and test me.

I don't know how else to describe the dynamics that happened with Brut and I, but I wasn't proud of it.  I practiced and practiced to control my tone of voice with him and together we began to heal.

It has been this past year or so that I've discovered the value of a soft tone and whisper have made in my relationship with Brut stronger than ever. 

And this is what I was thinking about as I watched his gentle form stroll over to me.  How the aggressive dog of the bunch quieted my own aggressions inside of me.

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Reminder:  PTSD forum

PTSD Town Forum that will be streaming live at http://upnorthlive.com 

on Thursday, August 28, 2014 at 8pm EST.

Job of an aggressive dog Mom is never done

I'd just got done walking Blaze and Chance on separate walks, I let the Back Dogs outside.  They were all pretty hyped up thinking they were next, especially Brut, he'll do anything to go on a walk.  Brut,  Silver and Zappa were on the back deck, right in front of the sliding glass door.  There was potential of tension with the boys being so frantic and close to each other, but I blew it off.  Things were going so well and Zappa tends to take pretty good care of himself when it comes to Brut.

I had just opened the freeze for some ice, when I heard that all too familiar sound of fighting dogs.  I ran from the kitchen through the door that separtates the two packs and saw Brut and Zappa standing on hind legs leaning against the other glaring and growling at each other.  I had no idea what to do next.  Any move I was to make was going to set Brut off.  So I watched and waited thinking maybe, just maybe one of them would concede.  Not likely but they were not fighting at this moment and I thought they might just resolve it on their own.

Then just as quickly the fight started again.  I banged on the glass door and they quickly broke up.  Zappa was hurt, limping and whimpering.  I took care of him first with some antibiotic cream and gave him a boo-boo sock to wear as he slowly began to calm down.

I was angry that Zappa was hurt.  Which meant I was angry at Brut.  So I sort of ignored him the rest of the day.  He tried to be all lovely dovey with me, but I was quite firm with him.  Later in the evening he tried to intimate Zappa and strut around like he was top dog.  I sent him to his room.

It wasn't until bedtime when he laid at my feet and I began to tell him I was angry with him that it really hit me why I was angry.  One, because he hurt Zappa and two because it was more my fault than Brut's.  I saw the recipe for a fight in the making and I knew Brut has been a bit testy lately and I made the mistake of overlooking both those factors.  And I confessed my part to Brut.  And while we had a quick make up session, I'm still not thoroughly settled.  A dog fight is still hard for me to digest very easily.

No worries though, Brut and I will probably have a good heart to heart talk about it and forgive each other.  This is just another way to keep me on my toes and not let my guard down so much.  Fights used  to be the end of the world feeling and it would take me days to make peace with Brut.  Now they so rarely happen anymore it is just a good reminder that my job as a dog mom is never done.

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About yesterday's Black/White Photo, you all guessed Chance and you were all right!   

Breaking Our Wills

Brut is aggressive.  It as simple as that.  And while he we have less and less incidences with him lashing out on the other dogs, he will always be aggressive.  It is his nature.

As painful and scary this demeanor is, I also love it about him.  When he uses his dominance in a way that is productive, it is an awesome sight, that only takes the power of his death glare to make the room his own.  

I love that fight.  I love that spirit in him.  And I wouldn't break him of it if I was paid to.  

It is what makes Brut, Brut.

In my life I've been pressed to the ultimate limits of my will being broken and it is that last scream of innocence that has kept me alive another day.  And I could never force that onto Brut to contend to my will or anyone elses.  I have live too long that way, I could never put those screws to his head.

In fact it is his aggression that I understand the most.  The feeling of being boxed in corners you can never get out of, but you fight because you have to.  Somehow, someway you must fight.  That is what I see in Brut.  That's what I see in myself.  And that is what has caused me to think way outside of the box, especially with Brut.  Brut's uniqueness is just that.  He forced me to make that tiny crack and peek outside the box.  Then we worked constantly on breaking it down, even the ones I built back up because it was scary and awkward, we broke those down too.  And we are still cracking and crashing through walls due to our very nature of fighting for what is right.

 When I harness his energy, I harness mine as well.  

They wanted to break our wills, but they couldn't.

This time around I've got a partner and so does Brut.   

  

National Dog Bite Prevention Week

How about these choppers??

We read a great post by Hawkeye over at Brown Dog about National Dog Bite Prevention week that we think is a must read.  Please stop over and check it out.   

Here's our two cents on Dog Bite Prevention:

You have the right to say "NO."  If you are like me it is hard to say NO to someone who may want to pet your dog.  I know I have done it myself when meeting strangers with dogs and falling instantly in love with their dog and wanting to pet them.  You as an owner have every right not to let someone else pet your dog.  Even friends and family.  If you are uncomfortable with a situation, you are allowed to deny someone from petting your dog.  Forget about hurting feelings, our dogs are our responsibility which includes not letting others touch him or her if you do not warrant it.

I think we as dog lovers sometimes forget that we have that right even when we are around other dog lovers.  Even the best behaved dogs still get stressed and overwhelmed at times and can snap sometimes out of fear or frustration.  Biting is not limited to just aggressive dogs.  All dogs have teeth and use them as a form of communication especially when their message isn't getting across.

Knowing how your dog responds under different circumstance can also help.  Understanding their behaviors and body language are usually clear indicators how your dog may or may not be feeling.  Different breeds react differently under different circumstances, such as guard dogs are more protective and may take time to become open and friendly.  Dominant and aggressive dogs may act differently out in public then they do at home.  Some dogs do not like to be touched, or will only tolerate being petted in certain areas and/or may have spots on their body that are completely off limits.  Some dogs are shy and will snap or bite out of fear.  Understanding your dog will help in prevention.

As much as I dislike the term, your dog is your property.  Just because you own a dog, doesn't give everyone the freedom to touch him or her any way they please.  By protecting your dog, you are protecting others of what could be a serious situation.  Understand and respect your dog's rights just as you would a child or any other human.  They are counting on you.   

A little bit about Brut and me

When I was a child, I witnessed two Chow dogs in a vicious fight over food.  It was a horrific experience and scarred me for many years.  I found myself growing up terrified of Chows and as I became an adult, that fear turned to despise.

When we got Brut we had no idea he had Chow in him until a month later.  I immediately attributed  his aggression to the little bit of Chow in him.  My husband always laughs at me as he couldn't see the Chow in him, but I could.  The ears were a little shorter and rounder, his head was rounder and larger, his nose was square and shorter than a husky.  I was already struggling with this wild puppy only to find he was part of a breed that entrapped my worst fears.

Mr. Attitude

Brut was not aggressive with people, only with dogs, which included ours.  It was always over a possession.  When Brut reacted, I reacted.  Not having a clue how to handle a fight, I would scream, bang on something noisy and pull him off the other dog and put him in his crate.  My fear of him was through the roof and I would hate him.  More correctly I would hate the Chow in him.  The part of him that I thought was doing this because I was a reliving the nightmare I'd witnessed over and over again.

On the flip side, Brut and I bonded, tighter than any of the other dogs.  It was during these good periods that I would fall in love with him all over again.  When the smart, conniving, and fun dog would come out to play.  Ironically, I also appreciated the guard dog that due to the Chow in him.  He was always very protective. 

When the puppies were just over 4 months, most of the heavy challenging stopped.  Brut began to relax and so did I.  Our turning point was when he went after Zappa, I called him and he came and I saw the "Chow" in his eyes.  I looked directly into the aggression that possessed him and to my surprise those eyes weren't out to "kill."  Like what I had seen with the Chows.  This was a dog in great emotional pain and who did not understand why he was reacting in such a manner.  And here he was still honoring my respect after all the emotional pain I had put him through because of my childhood.  It wasn't fair to say the least.

The sinister Brut on the surprise attack

(this was a play fight)

From that point on I began to observe and understand to best of my ability when and why he would react.  A sharp noise and a calm, strong voice would stop everything in it's tracks.  Then I learned how to prevent a situation before it escalated, by watching his body language around the other dogs and calling his name.  This was a key factor to where we are now.  Brut has become the alpha dog he should have been all along.  His temperament is much calmer and secure.  He is much more trust worthy and when you look into his eyes they are whole.  We have been healing together.

I have often questioned why I was given Brut, knowing full well my past situation and the Chow in him.  So many times I wanted to give up and I couldn't.  I knew what it was like to feel like damaged material.  Besides I still loved him.  It brings me to today as I read story after story about abused and neglected animals and have finally realized what I witnessed between the two Chows.  It was not the fault of the Chows, but that of the owners, who taught their dogs to become vicious animals.  Using them for their own selfish gains.  It was never the Chows fault.

As I have slowly come to that conclusion and understanding and Brut has healed through his growing pains, I understand the reasons that brought me here.  It was to help each other heal.  We needed each other.  Our relationship was meant for each other.  It took each of us to help the other and the journey was well worth it.

P.S.  For any Chow owners, this post is not against Chows.  If I had witnessed any other breed of dog fighting, I would have had the same feelings toward that particular breed.   

My rant for a walk

Do you really want to mess with me?

I just need to rant about the ignorance of people who own dogs.  There seems to be a common theme up here in the Northern country.  People come up from the city or live here year round and think they can just let their dogs run loose.  Doesn't matter were 1/2 mile from the main highway, doesn't matter that we live in a small neighborhood.  They just seem to think it is great a chance to let their dogs run loose. 

This has happened with many weekenders and locals, I walk my leashed dog and run into these loose dogs on their property who invariably run up to us and in an aggressive manner.  They run with an intensity of attack.  I don't care HOW socialized your dog is, how friendly and great it is with people and other dogs, when dogs are approached by another dog they become protective about their property.  It has happened to me every time.  NOT ALL DOGS LIKE EVERY DOG THEY MEET.  Dogs that are not contained roam.  I don't care if it is just across the street, they claim more than your property line and feel the need to protect it.  I have read story after story of people running into the same incident. 

We have a leash law in our state.  Which means all dogs must be restrained by a leash or in a confined area.  THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO RUN LOOSE.    If they are crossing the street, they are considered loose. 

Which brings me to my problem.  A local in area has a yellow lab, the first year we were here, she would just sit on the porch and might bark.  No real problem.  Then all of the sudden, out of the total blue, she started to charge us.  Didn't matter which dog I had, (I only had Silver and Brut at the time), the dog ALWAYS charged when I was walking one of them.  It is like playing Russian Roulette going down that road.  I shouldn't have to avoid this road, I have every right to walk down it and not be in fear of being charged by this dog. 

This has went on for three years now.  THREE YEARS.  Partly it is my fault, I have never spoken to them about this problem that is now a continuous thing.  They have done nothing to correct the problem either.  Not one ounce of common courtesy, except for calling the dog in after she has already crossed the road and I am trying to fight her off.  There have been several times that the dog has been nosed to nose with mine, inches from a fight.  There have been more than a few times that no one was around the call the dog and I had to fend it off.  I've seen the dog tear from behind their house or a couple houses away when she sees us.  It is down right frightening.  Absolutely terrifying to see this dog coming straight at us.  I am a shaken mess after this confrontation which is down right ridiculous to feel attacked every time I walk down this road. 

Which brings me to today.  I took Fiona for a walk and took the gamble of walking down their road.  Again, I should be able to walk my dog down any road I want without fear of being  rushed by this aggressive dog.  We were not far from the house, when the low sharp barks started to come straight for us.  I tried to keep walking, while telling the dog to get, the dog followed.  So I screamed and yelled for neighbor to come get their dog.  The dog was 1 1/2 feet away from Fiona's face, still barking and threatening, when the neighbor finally came out and called the dog back.  I yelled from the street, for the first time confronting the neighbor, she kept implying that the dog wasn't going to do anything.  Same thing we heard a few months ago when my husband approached them after they called the dog in.  They think this is a big joke.  THE DOG IS AFTER MY DOG.  The dog has developed quite a hatred towards my dogs and likewise, my dogs aren't going to take being threatened time and time again.  Why should they?  Don't they see that the dog is after my dog?  I'm doing everything to avoid a fight.  Fiona didn't react at all, which really surprised me.  I'm pretty sure if the dog had crossed a certain threshold, there was going to be a problem.  Most of the other dogs do react and are ready for a fight.  Can you blame them?  What would your dog do if charged with such an aggressive and ruthless dog coming right up into their faces ready to attack?

I was infuriated with this situation and that I had let it go too long.  Not to mention being shaken to bone being charged of this dog, AGAIN.  The dog puts me in a position that I can't just keep walking and ignore it, because I would never turn my back on it not knowing what it would do.  That would be asking for a sneak attack on my dog.  It is just down right disgusting that  dog owners don't take proper precautions to care for the safety of their dog and others.

I have devised a plan.  Taking the proper and necessary steps so that I can walk down this road without being attacked by that dog, for the safety of their dog and mine.  I will keep you updated as the plan progresses.     

How do you feel about this situation?  Have you and your dog ever encounter anything like this?