Second Step of Integration-The Door

First I'd like to thank our readers and supporters.  You guys are terrific!  We wouldn't be this far in our dog journey if it wasn't for all of you.  So, THANK YOU!

I started a couple of weeks ago with step 1 of integrating the two dogs packs, which was separating them while fixing their food, because they were fighting at the door that divides them.  It is something that has went on for some time, on occasion, but since Brut's death and recently with Silver's passing the fighting (growling, snarling, snapping, teeth bared) has increased in frequency and intensity.  So I took them away from the door, by putting them in their rooms while I get their meals together.  Worked out great!

That same day after they ate for the first time without all that worked up anxiety, I started blocking the door with my body, making them back up from it to stop the barking at the door.  When I got one side settled I went to the other side and settle that dog.  And I just kept going back and forth until they gave up.

Now Chance has a habit of rushing the door when he comes in from outside and Zappa is always on the other side ready to do battle.  I couldn't figure out how to stop him for the longest time.  It took a couple of days before it dawned on me I could open the fridge door and block the hallway that leads to separation door.  Don't worry, hubby is making me a board to slide back and forth.  No need to pay the energy company more than they need!  So after Chance circles back after seeing the blockage, I give him a treat when he comes to me.  Then I go to the other side and make Zappa back up and sit then treat.  Problem he's caught on how to get a treat, bark and here I come.  So one time when Zappa was being a royal pain and wouldn't stop barking because I wouldn't give him a treat, I put him in his room, he shut up and that worked out great.

And for those times I don't make it in time to stop a debate, I have a shaker can and a cowbell to get their attention.  Thankfully I have only had to use them a few times, but they are nice to have around.

So far it is going good.  The first 4 or 5 days were a little hairy, but now they only bark at the door with each other, instead of fight. At least the ones I don't get to in time.  They are short burst of "talking."  Things have really calmed down this last week.  I doubt it is all over, given the chance they would do it again, but for now we are moving forward with our "plan" as it comes to me.  :)

Here's a short video of our progress:  (or on YouTube)

Forgive me if this post may seem a little jumbly, for some reason it was difficult to write.

STEP 1 of INTEGRATING THE TWO PACKS-Diffuse the Tension!

Please forgive my silence as I have been grieving again.  Two years ago in the spring we saw the first signs of Brut's tumor on his spleen.  Now that can only be seen in retrospect and I am remembering my dear boy and Silver.   I miss them so much.  Some days are harder than others.

With that said, their spirits haven't left me and Silver in particular guided me through this next experience.  The beginning of the integration of our two packs starts with:

  

Diffusing the tension!

Two packs of dogs, each with their own side of the house and a door that separates them. The boys, Zappa and Chance only fight/talk with each other, while the girls, Fiona and Blaze keep to each other as well. Most of the time Zappa is the instigator, but Chance has gotten many digs in as well. 

This door is the focal point for the two packs.  Most of the time they "talk" to each other, but there are other times when there are "fights."  Growling, snarling and just being nasty to each other at the door.   And mealtime was the worst!  I used to have their dinners prepared so there was no time but to bark and be happy about food.  As they've aged I've added to their menus, which takes more time which in turn has grown into an all out riot while preparing their food!

I have never known how to stop this behavior.   I could never figure out how to be on both sides of the door.  

The light bulb.... I put Chance and Blaze in their room and Zappa and Fiona in theirs and then I got their food ready.  Cutting the tension in half, theirs and mine.  They ate a little slower and I notice a huge differences in their demeanor.  All that pent up anxiety, fear and anger was diffused.  Finally!

I finally had made a breakthrough.

It was a step in the right direction.

I hadn't realize until that first time of putting them in their rooms, just how much tension there really was and the impact it was having them.  This is a sort a new thing with the food since Brut and Silver died, with each death it increased.  It's not like I am oblivious to the strain and tension between them, their behavior at the door has been going on since Chance and Blaze first moved back with us, I just hadn't found a solution.  It's not in any book I know of, so we just keep plugging along until the next light bulb goes off.

I'll tell you more about the next step of diffusing the situation in my next post and I will try to have some video too!  

Brut Thursday-The Fight Within

Brut Thursday, a day late, but not forgotten.

I was thinking about Brut today.  My husband, Mark and I were a little huffy with one another and I my boy came to mind.

Nobody really understood Brut's anger issues.  I don't even think Mark could fully comprehend them, but I got it.  It made total sense to me once I discovered his puppy hood before us.  I knew what it was like to be betrayed and to fight for yourself by yourself.  From a depth that is scarring and sacred, you hold on to survive with that last breath.  Because it is all you have.  It becomes all you know as the fear swells in you, fighting to destroy everything you have, your heart and soul.  You become the fight you feared to save them.  Only to find you are killing yourself in the process. So you thrash harder not understanding why it hurts so.  But it is the only way you know.

I don't know how Brut and I ever picked apart all those needles in our gut, but we did it together.  I don't know that either of us "healed" right but learned in each other that we were not alone in our fight.  In fact Brut taught me how to fight and stand up for myself turning that turmoil inside out.

Brut had a way of calming me because I was understood.  Something I hadn't found in my journey until him.  I witnessed first hand the "home" life he had before me.  Vicious.  Daunting.  Many angry dogs all living on survival mode.  Scary.  It was no wonder Brut scared the crap out of me from a young puppy.  The boy was crazy with fear.  And hurting so deep.  Was it any wonder we bonded so deeply?

To say I was blessed with Brut is an understatement.  I don't know that there is a word for it that would do our relationship justice.  I miss my boy every day.  If I didn't know his spirit is right there for me, I don't know what I would do.  Connecting with Brut is my strength.  Knowing and healing with him brings me right back here.  To this blog to share my story of the greatest dog I have ever known.

 

The Brut Whisperer

I sat looking at Brut as he looked out over his kingdom.  I could see the expression in his eyes even from where I was sitting.  He had a smile on his face as his large head grazed from side to side, searching the backyard for any signs of critter movement on which to pounce.  Brut's shoulders were down, his haunches relaxed and his eyes were full.  He was one content dog and I caught my breath as I realized the biggest change that had occurred in our relationship, I was talking softly to him, even to the point of whispering.

In the beginning I panicked and ran with fear when this aggressive dog would act out on the other dogs.  I yelled, I screamed, I made a fit of noise to break up fights.  I would get so frustrated that I would stomp my feet and slam doors with anger.  I was ridiculed with fear because Brut was a scary dog and I reacted out of that fear.

I knew raising my voice set Brut off when he was about to attack a dog and I struggled with making myself calm when he was acting up.  Some days Brut was just in a bad mood, testy I call it and he would try to pick fights and test me.

I don't know how else to describe the dynamics that happened with Brut and I, but I wasn't proud of it.  I practiced and practiced to control my tone of voice with him and together we began to heal.

It has been this past year or so that I've discovered the value of a soft tone and whisper have made in my relationship with Brut stronger than ever. 

And this is what I was thinking about as I watched his gentle form stroll over to me.  How the aggressive dog of the bunch quieted my own aggressions inside of me.

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Job of an aggressive dog Mom is never done

I'd just got done walking Blaze and Chance on separate walks, I let the Back Dogs outside.  They were all pretty hyped up thinking they were next, especially Brut, he'll do anything to go on a walk.  Brut,  Silver and Zappa were on the back deck, right in front of the sliding glass door.  There was potential of tension with the boys being so frantic and close to each other, but I blew it off.  Things were going so well and Zappa tends to take pretty good care of himself when it comes to Brut.

I had just opened the freeze for some ice, when I heard that all too familiar sound of fighting dogs.  I ran from the kitchen through the door that separtates the two packs and saw Brut and Zappa standing on hind legs leaning against the other glaring and growling at each other.  I had no idea what to do next.  Any move I was to make was going to set Brut off.  So I watched and waited thinking maybe, just maybe one of them would concede.  Not likely but they were not fighting at this moment and I thought they might just resolve it on their own.

Then just as quickly the fight started again.  I banged on the glass door and they quickly broke up.  Zappa was hurt, limping and whimpering.  I took care of him first with some antibiotic cream and gave him a boo-boo sock to wear as he slowly began to calm down.

I was angry that Zappa was hurt.  Which meant I was angry at Brut.  So I sort of ignored him the rest of the day.  He tried to be all lovely dovey with me, but I was quite firm with him.  Later in the evening he tried to intimate Zappa and strut around like he was top dog.  I sent him to his room.

It wasn't until bedtime when he laid at my feet and I began to tell him I was angry with him that it really hit me why I was angry.  One, because he hurt Zappa and two because it was more my fault than Brut's.  I saw the recipe for a fight in the making and I knew Brut has been a bit testy lately and I made the mistake of overlooking both those factors.  And I confessed my part to Brut.  And while we had a quick make up session, I'm still not thoroughly settled.  A dog fight is still hard for me to digest very easily.

No worries though, Brut and I will probably have a good heart to heart talk about it and forgive each other.  This is just another way to keep me on my toes and not let my guard down so much.  Fights used  to be the end of the world feeling and it would take me days to make peace with Brut.  Now they so rarely happen anymore it is just a good reminder that my job as a dog mom is never done.

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About yesterday's Black/White Photo, you all guessed Chance and you were all right!   

Brut savior

I'd been angry on and off for a couple of days.  Irritable, depressed, and moody.  It wasn't one thing, it was a little bit of everything.  It seemed like every word that came out of my mouth would start a fight between hubby and me that I couldn't seem to control.

We were sitting out with the Back Dog, our time to relax and catch up when one word lead to another.  And BAM another fight arose.  In the midst of our words flying back and forth, Brut came to where I sat and stared at me with those deep caramel eyes with understanding and a plea.  He came close to let me pet him, never taking his eyes off of me, slowing soothing my ruffled fur.  He stayed there for a while, letting me stroke his thick mane as the reality of my actions sunk in.  Don't act like me, he seemed to whisper.  It hurts too much.

I finally backed down from the fight and hubby and I were able to talk.  I thanked Brut several times.

Later in the evening during my 'me time,' Brut and I looked long and deep in each others eyes with an understanding of knowing when to rescue each other.  I think he enjoyed being on the other end of the stick and being the savior this time. :)

Aren't dogs just the BEST?

 

How Do You Keep Your Cool?

 You! loss your cool...Never!!

So I go on Blogger to save my template and it tells me there is a virus scan error.  I try a couple more times and get the same results.  So I go through the procedures of what this error means and how to correct it. Only to run into more complications that I don't understand.  Then Windows starts acting up and suddenly nothing is responding except for my frustration.  And I never solved my original problem.  My frustration mounts and I am at my breaking point because I can't seem to fix this. So I start thinking, well I'll just reinstall Windows.  Except I can't remember how to do it.  After five attempts, I finally put everything down and walked away.  This was not the time to start on something as important as the operating system, when I felt like my head was going to explode.

 Who said that?

And that's just how my day started.  Little things through out my day kept my frustration fueled like a torch.   

While fixing dinner, I decided to play "find it" with Chance and Blaze.  This set off a dominant jealous tirade from Zappa and Fiona who then attacked the door the separates them from Chance and Blaze, with a round of threatening barks that didn't stop.  Usually I intervene on the side I'm at, but I still haven't completely been able to rid these four from fighting at the door and this time nothing was working. No matter what Zappa keeps egging it on, my frustration is at  it's peak and I open the door and yell at him to "KNOCK IT OFF!!"

I don't remember much of what happened after that.  I had scared the Front Dogs and Zappa still wasn't giving up very easy.  This went on and off even after hubby got home and throughout the evening.  Some days are just worse than others.

So while I should have used this moment as a wonderful teaching moment, I lost my cool instead.  Usually my mantra for these situations is "it isn't the dog's fault for      (bad thing that is happening to me)    " and I can stay relatively cool and not take it out on the dogs.  But today I just lost it.

Another trick I use is looking the dog in the eye and really focusing on them.  I know they aren't trying to get on my last nerve...so if I make some eye contact then I usually calm because they are usually just excited about something like the squirrel that just ran across the yard.  Not having anything to do with interrupting my concentration.

 Ahhh, the joys of being a mother!!

So how are the ways you keep your cool and calm?  What tricks have you learned to keep your center when your world is all crazy?