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Saturday, March 22, 2014
Was Brut created for me?
Three days after picking Brut up I was in tears and was scared to death of him. I didn't want him anymore. Brut's puppy hood was a horrible gnashing of teeth. He wasn't a normal puppy. He was wild and crazy. Insane scary. He had been so uprooted from his mother and his security that he was fraying all over the place. And I didn't know that and I didn't understand. It took several years to understand the full implications of what that separation from his mother and siblings did to him.
And his aggression...was so scary and terrifying that I ended up having a love/hate relationship with Brut for a long time. Another works in the making of years to understand the fight he had to fight when he was young to survive living with older, aggressive dogs and having to fend himself at the tender age of four weeks old.
Both of these things, the separation anxiety and having to fend for himself that drove his aggression against other dogs, played a huge part of his life. I was still scared of him, but my feelings change from that of hating Brut to not liking the behavior. And I went from wavering on the fence of wanting to keep him and thinking about getting rid of him when he acted out to trying to understand him more. And I questioned many times why I was given him. Why I picked him over any of the other dogs. For a long time I held that light that shone on him that day in the breeders hands very close to my heart, because sometimes it was the only thing I had of him to hold on to. There was a part of me that always knew he was created for me, no matter what I thought or how bad it got. There were too many times that connected to deeply it was almost scary, but beautiful.
That little light has grown and thrived as Brut and I have worked together on both of our issues. Coming from trying childhoods we struggle to trust each other, yet we held on with a death grip to each other at the same time. Through many trials and errors the fears have given way and we have blended into one another. I knew he was my Heart Dog even before I knew there was a word for it. He has never been an extension of me, Brut is a part of me, like my arms and legs. So ask me today if I think he was created for me and I will tell you, Absolutely!!