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Monday, July 18, 2016
Not sure what I'm really feeling except I am missing Brut. I have a longing to see him after watching videos from last summer after his death and how we were coping. And it all seemed so empty and raw. He is all I think about everyday and every night. If I am not thinking directly about him, I am thinking of the changes that are occurring every day without him here. Or because of him. That boy has a total hold on me.
We were at the vet's last week, having some x-rays done for Fiona. Nothing serious, we've just added a yearly x-ray to our check up list since losing Brut. There were about 3 or 4 puppies there for shots and check ups. They ranged from 8-10 weeks old and I really didn't feel a thing. Nothing. I wasn't drawn to them at all. No tugging at my heartstrings. It was strange. But not really because I couldn't imagine starting over with new life. They were cute, but I've known for a long time I'm not ready for the care and commitment it would take bringing any new animal into our lives. For the most part I am OK with that. Though every once in a while I wish I could push it along and make it all go faster so I could move on, because then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.
Then Chance ripped off his toenail, the full nail and we had to take him in to have it ripped off. He was also back for a bladder infection that finally cleared up. Now he might possibly have another one. GEEZ!
Then if all that wasn't bad enough Fiona lost 3 pounds in two months, was
I still don't understand it. Was the hold Brut had that great? Things I will never know about how a pack really operates. How blinding grief can be. And how it took Fiona to be in the worse shape she's ever been to get everyone back on track. Fitting that she is the new alpha.
So we are still are recovering from the loss of Brut. One day at a time. In our own ways, but always together. The 24 Paws of Love way.
Until next time,
Love and Pawprints
Patty and the Paws