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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

My Therapy Dogs-Zappa's Love Stare

In continuing with sharing my personal struggles with PTSD, I'm sharing how my dogs have developed into my own personal therapy dogs, without any formal training from me.  This next experience is another of those when the Zappa saves me from myself.

I awkwardly stumble from my bed as the nightmare clings to me like syrup poured over my brain.  Slipping between reality and this never ending dream, I somehow manage to not to spill my morning juice and sit in my chair with the Back Dogs.

The nightmare gathers force as it crawls from the back of my head and heaves it's guts all over me again.  I fight to stay awake but it pulls me under to continue terrorizing me.  Back and forth the power overcomes me again and again as I struggle to come up for air.  Physical and emotional exhaustion succumbs me and I fall prey to flashback that has taken over my brain and body.


It is subtle at first like a candle at the end of tunnel.  It is warm and stronger than I.  Like two lasers of love, the beams beckon me from the abyss, until my eyes slowly open.  Focus is slow, but there is Zappa laying out in front of me.  As his image becomes clearer, my heart jumps. Zappa's chocolatey liquid eyes are locked on mine and the warmth fills into my soul.  He saved me.  He was there all along pulling me back out of my personal hell.

The present rushes in like a flood, as we stay locked on each other.  Comfort, safety, assurance and something I've never been able to my finger on.  In Zappa's eyes there is a sense of everything.  He literally just stares at me until I come to with lasers of love that pierce through the darkness.

He's done this several times, until one day I woke up and the dreams weren't there anymore.  I don't know if there will be more, but I know I have Zappa to keep me present if they do.    

1 comment:

Unknown said...

That is so sweet. Funny how such a strong connection with animals can help us. Zappa obviously does. Have a terrific Tuesday.
Best wishes Molly