A little peace

 It has been just over a year since losing Chance, Fiona and Blaze.  I think their anniversaries were harder than their initial death in some ways.  When they died we were in shock, which blocked a lot of things out, but after a year it was inevitable that the loss was real.  I fell into a horrible, dark depression after their anniversaries that I didn't think I would live through and I just wanted to die to be with them.  That's when I knew I'd hit the bottom in my grief and there was no where left to go but up.  And here I am.

We all went through a tough time around that period.  Zappa had a serious UTI with three different bacteria, that we struggled to catch.  After a strong antibiotic that almost killed his appetite, we were praying he just get through it, as he was rapidly losing weight for those two weeks.  And he did make it.  He is like a new dog, almost puppy like and feeling good.  

And of course, Mark was worried sick about both of us.  He was the one holding us together as much as he could while dealing with his own grief.  Believe me it was one day at a time.  One minute at a time.

The highlights for me were taking Zappa to laser therapy for pain in his back and back legs.  Even though we still have to give him a sedative, I think he's getting used to the routine and the procedure.  We are still seeing improvement or at least making the pain manageable going once a week for treatment.  Zappa also received a medicine called Adaquin, for his joints and that made quite an improvement.  We did eight treatments (two shots a week) for four weeks and now he's on a maintenance dose once a month that he will get later this month.    

I think overall we are doing OK.  That first year was so tough.  I don't know how we made it through it, but we are all doing better even with the sadness of the loss.  We are so grateful Zappa is still here with us, just that alone is a huge comfort.  Every day is a gift.  Hug your loved ones, time flies so fast.