I'm angry. Yes, about the world situation, but this anger is a little more personal. I'm in the anger phase of my grief of losing Chance, Blaze and Fiona. I've been here before, but it is sticking around as I get to the core of it.
I'm angry that life has left me with one dog. Don't get me wrong, I am more than grateful for Zappa, but I miss having a house full of dogs. I feel cheated in some ways that Fiona, Zappa's partner, isn't here. I am angry God took all three, practically at the same time. I have no problem being angry at God and telling him how I feel, but in the end God always wins. I mean, the dogs were 13 years old. They weren't going to live forever...maybe it is the cancer I'm mad at. Why did they have liver cancer and die from it? All of the 24 Paws that have died, have died from cancer. Maybe Zappa will be the first who doesn't. Maybe that's why he is here. Among many other reasons. Zappa doesn't seem to be hurting from having all our attention. I think as he has healed he knows we are at his beck and call and he is lapping it up. I think we have pretty much concluded that we won't be getting a dog for Zappa. He is the last of the Paws and we want to honor him for that. Sometimes I think another dog would be good for him, but the thought is temporary. I don't see a long term positive for him. Zappa needs all our attention in these tender years. And we need him as a representative of the Paws.
Funny how God works, I thought I'd be ranting and raving, but, really I'm content and at peace. I know later tonight, the anger will come, even though it is already subsiding as a whole. I never know what might be next, but I've made it this far already, so I think I can make it.
Hope everyone is having a good day. Remember to hug your dog. ♥
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