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Thursday, June 6, 2024

Not Quite Ready

 I was online with our local Humane Society.  Just looking at dogs and possibilities.  When I saw a red Hound mix that was adorable.  I have always had a thing for hounds.  Anyways, I thought he might be the one.  He was suppose to be good with dogs and cats, which was a plus.  I printed an application.  And thought about this dog all day.  I went from the highs of getting a dog to fear of a lifetime commitment.  I made a list of pros and cons.  There it was in black and white, I wasn't ready and the timing wasn't right.  My mood plummeted.  My day felt shattered.  

I am struggling to accept where I'm at with getting another dog.  I am not ready and it isn't the right time.  And that just about kills me.  I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a tunnel, looking out both ways, yet I can not move forward or backward.

Hubby, Mark and I have even talked about getting ducks to start, but that conversation faded as quickly as it started.  

Neither of us are ready.  Losing the 24 Paws made an impact on both of us.  And now we are here, with two cats and a very busy schedule.  It is a very tight circle, the four of us, that I have been fighting against.  

My whole world has been dogs.  I keep trying to make it happen.  I'm keep pushing.  But I keep finding I'm not ready.  No matter what I do, it isn't time.  It is just that plain and simple, in all forms and ways.  Sometimes I fear that I will never be ready and that scares the crap out of me.  

While at the same time, I told Mark after Zappa died that if I never had another dog, I would have not been cheated with the 24 Paws.  Maybe God will hold me to that, I don't know.  The 24 Paws is a powerful love and I'm not ready to break that bond.     


Leslie said...

It's so hard. And it would be so easy to make a decision you later regret. You'll know when it's time. Trust yourself. And trust Mark. I hope God does see fit to bring another dog into your life. That dog, or dogs, would be as lucky to have you as all your beautiful paws before.

~Kim at Golden Pines~ said...

I love this post because of your heartfelt honesty and because I totally understand it and know what you're going through. The bond that we have with our dogs continues past this life. The love, the experiences, the life shared and so much more is what will always connect you to one another. A new dog, only makes the circle of the bond and love a bigger one. But making that circle bigger is one you do have to be ready for - And sometimes ready or not, the cosmos plays a card and you are totally helpless against it. I won't even tell you to be open to it, because I think your even thinking about it means in some way, big or small that you are. ❤❤❤

♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥ said...

Have you thought about doing fostering? Maybe a couple of short term stints with a few dogs in need would help you fill that void and maybe move you closer to understanding that finding a new pup might be exactly what you need and what the 24 Paws would wholeheartedly support. Or even just volunteer at a rescue. Just some thoughts.

24 Paws of Love said...

Thank you Leslie for your kind words. It is hard. What I want and what I need are worlds apart. And I'm still grieving with the cats. And for now that is plenty. Thank you again.

24 Paws of Love said...

Kim, it is like you know me so well. lol We must be spirit sisters somewhere. We are keeping an open mind and letting the chips fall where they may. It is just hard to be patient and feel ready at the same time. Some one told me, the right dog at the right time. And I know it isn't the right time for us now. Especially with the cats. It is hard not to get jealous of all my friends having dogs and we don't. :(

Thank you for understanding. ♥

24 Paws of Love said...

To the OP Pack, Yes, I have thought about fostering, but we would be foster failures every time. lol And I'm not ready for that. I would love to work at a rescue or shelter, but we are down to one vehicle at the moment. :(

The 24 Paws were so tight. They were solid. Plus with the cats, it is hard to even imagine another dog in our lives. I'm letting God guide us with his timing and blessing. I know one will come when the time is right. ♥