Letting go, for now

Writing has always been a passion of mine.  Brut was that passion.  Blogging about him was more than a dream, but a privileged and an honor.  While he was dying he taught me the art of letting go with grace and beauty.  Knowing when the time is right and unclasping.  Taking the new freedom that comes and stepping into that new life journey.

For now, I am letting go of this blog to pursue another dream and passion that is already in the works.  When the time is right I will come back.  Losing Brut is still the hardest thing I have ever went through and I feel that need to follow where he is leading me.

Thank you dear readers for still reading us 9 years later.  It has a been a blessing to be read, heard and cared about.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for letting us into your life.  It has been a journey filled with gratitude.

I will still be around to visit, comment and share any medical updates about the dogs. 

Since post will be sporadic, you can sign up to receive the most recent post in your email. That way you won't miss a one.  Just enter your email in box (2nd box down on right side) and you are all set! 

Or you can also friend me on FB if you would like.  Patty Markiewicz

We will back.

Until then, take care!

Love,
Mark, Patty and the 24 Paws of Love.

The jealous monster (aka Zappa)

Ever have one of those dogs who has to be the center of attention?  The ones that turn green when other dogs or humans get any attention?

That is our Zappa.

Not little ol' me!

His jealousy of the Front dogs getting anything can be heard around the world.

Zappa was so riled up about the Front Dogs getting a treat, it turned into a fight between Fiona and him.  I missed it being on the other side of the door, but thank God they stopped before I could get to them.

Zappa has these jealousy fits, mixed with his aggression towards Chance and he literally has a tantrum.

He is the court, the judge and the jury.   He thinks he is top dog and will do just about anything to fight for that title, even if he always loses.

He drives me crazy with all of the mouthing off he does due to his jealousy and injustice that he swears is being done to him.

This competition has been going on since day one with Chance and Zappa.  Right from the day they were born and every day after.  Competing for food, weight and that top dog position.  All Chance and Zappa did was pick up where they left off when Chance came back to live with us.

It has been a long 11 years, when it comes to these two, but more so with Zappa, now that his mom and dad, Silver and Brut aren't here to keep him in check.

Oh that MOUTH!

That demanding, obnoxious, soap-boxed MOUTH!

The one that tries to get all the attention.  That one.

That's my Zappa!

He's lucky I love him.  lol

Do you have a green-eye monster dog?

Sometimes having two packs sucks

There have been many advantages and disadvantages to living with two packs of dogs.  Not exactly my dream situation, but we've learned to manage our time and attention with both packs by balancing between the two.  If you add our two cats, it is actually three sets of pairs we are dealing with.  For whatever reason they can not all get along together.  While there are a few exceptions, most of the time they have to be apart from each other.

I don't know if I could do this again when the next phase of our lives comes.  Maybe for temporarily purposes but not 11 years worth.  This whole plan of dividing the dogs started as a must, only to find out after years of trying to bring the two dog packs together, that it was not going to happen.  It is still hard to admit that now.  I had doubts, but I also believed in the possibility of they could mesh as a unit.  While lack of socialization is part of it, the bigger influence comes down to Daddy Dog Brut's genes and the way he was raised with aggression.  Because Fiona has no reaction when we run into any other dogs out and about, yet is the vicious one with the Front Dogs, Chance and Blaze.  Fiona will attack.  And has been that way from the first day Blaze came back to live with us, after her owners returned her.

For the most part I accepted life with two packs and for the most part the positives outweighed the negatives.   Though there were many times when I was following other bloggers or knew of people around me that brought new dogs into their home with skill and ease that I couldn't.  No matter what I tried, read, or witnessed, I couldn't change Brut's aggression and that it was passed on to his kids.  They were never going to accept each other.  Even with the "help" of a trainer and a behaviorist  I found I was further along without them.

And so the beat goes on...going from one side to the other, taking turns when there are treat games and the ruffling of furs at the separation door.  It is the never ending saga that is our life right now.  It is trying, it can be very difficult and sometimes it is no fun, but to have all four dogs in our lives...priceless.

Retraining Chance and myself

Well, I'm here again.  I've circled back around and found myself in the same place I've been before, training Chance not to run and pull on the leash.  I shouldn't say I'm training Chance, I'm training both of us, or I wouldn't be starting again.  lol

I have some back issues that have brought us here that I don't want to make worse.  I haven't been able to walk the dogs in over 2 months.  Now that I"m doing better, I want to start again.  And basically, that means retraining Chance.  My mini-race horse.  My top pulling dog.  My most hyper dog.  Because my body can't take it like it used to. 

So we started with walking around the yard with him next to me and without a leash.  We did this several times and he did great. 

Next I got the leash and laid it on the ground by the front door.  I got in between Chance and the leash, clicked and rewarded when he sat down. 

Then we started walking around the yard again (no leash) and this is when his anxiety started to spike.   

Chance's anxiety continued for several minutes as we took a little break. 

He walked around the yard, while I brushed Blaze.  Eventually he calmed himself down. 

Blaze went back in the house, I went over to the leash and touched it.  Chance sat.  Click and reward.  Clear eyes, centered, calm and a little excited.  Did this a couple of times.  He remained calm. 

Then I picked up the leash, he laid down calmly.  Click and reward. 

We took one last lap around the yard.  And called it good. 

Not bad for playing the whole thing by ear and not really knowing what to do or how to start.  And everything played out quite smoothly. 

We'll see how tomorrow goes...

Time may heal all wounds, but time never met Brut

Four years ago today, I lost my best friend. 

My heart dog.

My soul dog.

My love dog.

There isn't a day that doesn't go by

Brut is always on my mind.  

Forever Brut

May he be causing a great raucous in heaven!

Whew! So far, so good

Fiona's ultrasound test went good.  All her organs were all good.  The concerns with her liver were good, although there were a  couple of spots in her left lobe that "lit up," but the vet thinks that it is due to age and the fact that her levels were up.   They also did blood work to check the liver levels and they were all down.  Good News!

We are staying on her supplement of milk thistle and SAM-e combo and will be doing blood work again in a couple of months.  Hoping there will be no more spikes and we can rest a little.  :)

Fiona's latest liver test results

Fiona will be going in for a ultrasound for her liver and surrounding areas.  Her liver test results were high and the vet was concerned.  They have all been low up until now and we don't know what the change may be. so we will be taking her in on Tuesday and wait for the results.

Could you please send a prayer or two our way for Fiona.  Thank you!

On the sly, we became best friends

There are some things that I find so challenging to write and one of them is my relationship with Zappa.  He has always been a sort of enigma and I find it difficult to express what is happening between us.  It is also difficult to understand what is happening and the bond that is forming.  That seems to be the mystery of it and the part that I can't explain in human form.

It seems like I can't even begin to try.

I recognized this a long time ago about Zappa.  He is hard to explain.  He is an old soul, with a wisdom beyond measure and eyes that cover eons of time.

It is so different from my bond with Brut

There has always been a riff between Zappa and me before Brut died.  Brut may have been aggressive with Zappa, but Zappa would never submit to Brut and that would cause Brut to lash out at him.  Zappa is also a tester.  He will test his limits and push them as far as possible.  It was another reason Brut would snap at him.  Not that Brut was innocent, but Zappa is part to blame for the friction that went on between them.   And it didn't help that Zappa was smarter than Brut and used his wits to his advantage.

I witness these taunts from Zappa quite often, but I was always too late to stop anything after Brut would attack.  I had a small, growing resentment towards Zappa because of the way he was and because he would do the same thing with me, pushing my limits and such.  I didn't help that he had a bigger mouth on him than all the dogs put together pending my aggravation of him further.

As Brut's aggression got under some control, Zappa and I developed an "under the table" kind of relationship when we were by ourselves.  And when Brut died,  it was Zappa that took me under his paw and gently guided me through the devastating loss.

I wasn't able to accept Zappa as the new king and I refused to for some time.  I don't know when that all changed, but it did.  Zappa has become my rock.  When I don't know if I can hang on any longer with this life and wishing for the next, he understands and lets me know I'm OK.  Silent and still, he lets me know things are going to be alright.  The same thing Brut used to do but on a simpler level.  Somehow with Zappa he has given me the strength of Brut and the calm of his mother, Silver, to show me everything is going to be fine. 

A blessed friendship that has grown so slowly over time is really beginning to blossom.

I love you Zappa!