Current blog look inspired by, dedicated to, and in memory of Brut. The studded star of the 24 Paws of Love.

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Brut Quotes

Brut Quotes

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

To the Second Bad-Ass Dog We Have Ever Known

For you Tiko:

In my book there aren't too many dogs that can top Brut, but there is one that came darn close.

His name was Tiko.

He was the coolest Husky mix we have ever know personally and at one point he was going to be the father to Blaze's children...sadly though he came down with testicular cancer and that was the end of that..

I can not tell you what it was about Tiko that was so awesome, whether it was his bad-ass look, attitude and stature.  There was something deep in those eyes, like there was already a piece of me inside of him after one meeting.

His one blue eye and one brown eye threw me off as if not knowing which to look in, questioning him, while he just gazed profoundly into my heart and soul.  Owning me without question, in a way a Husky does and I'd only felt with Brut.

Our meetings were always brief but intense and were scattered throughout the years, but we built a relationship quickly out of the time we had together.

Sadly he passed away July 12, 2016.

Tiko did not get the recognition or care he should have had through his life.

Tiko was the only dog that I would have considered breeding with Blaze.  The only dog I felt that was worthy of her.  When he couldn't, the dream ended.  We never found another dog that was even possibly close to Tiko.

Tiko was the only dog I would consider being second to Brut.  Just as with Brut, there was something about Tiko that was more than remarkable and noteworthy.  He had an aura about him that was like none other.  A complete individual with his own thoughts, feelings and attitude.  He was just bad to the bone like that.

Brut and Tiko would have killed each other if ever to meet, but now they are heaven's warriors fighting crimes against dog and animal cruelty.  Two dogs as opposite as can be yet with that same bad ass spirit.  May you rest in peace Tiko and find the justice you deserve.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Catching Up

Not sure what I'm really feeling except I am missing Brut.  I have a longing to see him after watching videos from last summer after his death and how we were coping.  And it all seemed so empty and raw.  He is all I think about everyday and every night.  If I am not thinking directly about him, I am thinking of the changes that are occurring every day without him here.  Or because of him.  That boy has a total hold on me.

We were at the vet's last week, having some x-rays done for Fiona.  Nothing serious, we've just added a yearly x-ray to our check up list since losing Brut.  There were about 3 or 4 puppies there for shots and check ups.  They ranged from 8-10 weeks old and I really didn't feel a thing.  Nothing.  I wasn't drawn to them at all.  No tugging at my heartstrings. It was strange.  But not really because I couldn't imagine starting over with new life.  They were cute, but I've known for a long time I'm not ready for the care and commitment it would take bringing any new animal into our lives.  For the most part I am OK with that.  Though every once in a while I wish I could push it along and make it all go faster so I could move on, because then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.

It hasn't helped that we have been to the vet for a couple of scares and more times than we've ever been since about March.  Silver must have ate something (no idea what) that gave her bloody diarrhea and vomit.  That was our first scare, we didn't know what in the world was going on.  Talk about shaking.  She finally got better, but we weren't done with her yet.  She developed golf ball size anal glands due to being sick and we took her in as an emergency.  That was scary as well. Thank God they didn't rupture!

Then Chance ripped off his toenail, the full nail and we had to take him in to have it ripped off.  He was also back for a bladder infection that finally cleared up.  Now he might possibly have another one.   GEEZ!

Then if all that wasn't bad enough Fiona lost 3 pounds in two months, was
drinking a ton of water and her fur was falling out.  Turns out all the dogs were losing weight since Brut died as I had them on a lessor amount of food due to shorter walks and less playtime.  (they just don't play and chase each other like they used too.) And what is strange is that they have been on this same amount for the last five years and it took Brut dying for them to lose weight on this same amount.  So it has been taking some time to get them back where they need to be.  Fiona was the worst case followed by the rest, Zappa being the closest to normal.

I still don't understand it.  Was the hold Brut had that great?  Things I will never know about how a pack really operates.  How blinding grief can be.  And how it took Fiona to be in the worse shape she's ever been to get everyone back on track.  Fitting that she is the new alpha.  

So we are still are recovering from the loss of Brut.  One day at a time.  In our own ways, but always together.  The 24 Paws of Love way.

Until next time,
Love and Pawprints

Patty and the Paws

Friday, June 24, 2016

The Beautiful Gift

Now that Brut's anniversary has passed, the hurt is slowing melting away.  It is time to move pn with his spirit into tomorrow.  I'll never stop missing him, but I know Brut is only a heartbeat away from me.  A heartbeat I will always treasure forever.

Maybe you heard that we have 5 other dogs?  lol  Seems like it's been eons since I wrote about them.  We have been spending a lot of time together, bonding even closer than before.

It's really hard to put into words what Zappa, Fiona, Silver, Chance and Blaze have meant to me going through this grieving process.  In part because they all are a part of Brut being their father and Silver his girlfriend.  But it is as if Brut is still here and is being the good leader he tried to be.  We have all grown together, richer and stronger because of Brut, of having him in our lives and it is a beautiful thing, watching 4 puppies really mature and grow together as a family.  Even with the separation of two packs.

They have become fuller as if sucking in Brut's spirit.  They are more confident and compassionate.  Some of their fears and anxieties died with Brut, as if given a second chance.  There is a wholeness to them as if Brut's death gave them the last missing pieces to their souls.  And there is joy and happiness, more peace and more hope, as if they are really getting the chance to live.

I think Brut is proud of his kids and Silver.

Almost as much as I am.

Brut resonates through them and around them, while not overshadowing the kids and Silver's own personalities and uniqueness.

It is one of the most beautiful things I have witnessed this past year and I have been so blessed to be a part of their transformation.  I'm so very grateful for all that has happened.  They bring a richness to my life that can never be taken away, just when I think God can't blow my mind any more than He does.  He gives me these beautiful creatures to share in my life as we grow together.

Beautiful, isn't it?  :)

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Then the tears fell...

 another year
 to begin, without our Bruter Boy.
Circling around back to doubt and why
even when I have some answers of why he died
Life is not fair

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Brut: A year ago today

Dear Brut,

All I ever wanted for you is, peace, love and happiness.

I tried my best to bring this to you

and now you have the ultimate in all three.

I have been blessed ten fold because of this.

The richness continues in our new relationship...

Brut:  Oct. 11, 2006-June 18, 2015
Forever my friend
and the Forever Father of the 24 Paws of Love

Monday, June 6, 2016

My Observation-Blaze's shift in the pack

Before Blaze was spayed two years ago, she was driven by her hormones.  Her purpose was to reproduce, be a mother and carry on her genes.  Because of this drive, she never cared much for treats and food wasn't a priority as her meals were provided. This left her to focus on other things in order to seek out her purpose.

Then we had her spayed and her role in the pack changed.  Blaze became a foodie.  

Our vet has made this reference a few times about "her role in the pack changing," and I didn't totally understand what she meant by that.  

It has taken a year of Brut being gone to start to grasp this change and how spaying Blaze at seven years old changed her role in the pack.

When Brut died, all the dogs went through changes in their packs and as a whole, but the one that stuck out the most was Blaze.  She thought she still had that same purpose, that hormonal instinct because Brut was still intact when he died.  With Brut still able to reproduce, Blaze still had her same drive only it was weakened by the drastic change to her hormone levels and she still went through the motions of having her heats.  It was when Brut died that Blaze lost that "hope" of being a mother and having a family, the only thing she knew she was born for, to reproduce.  Her soul purpose was eliminated and so the her role changed from Alpha dog to Beta dog where getting food became her soul purpose.  So it wasn't just Brut's attitude and snarls that kept the order intact, it was that hormonal flow that permeated the packs. It was biological.  

Funny thing is, Brut's happiest year, was the year before he died.  The year that Blaze was fixed.  

It was Brut's death and my grief that led to her gaining about 6 pounds last year.  Six pounds is a lot for a dog who should only be about 63 pounds.  

My grief crippled me those first few months and instead of walks, I played treat games so as not to have to leave any of the dogs. I needed them as a group to help with the loss of Brut.  

I might have noticed the weight gain by fall, but still stayed in denial about it.  It wasn't until this spring that I noticed how heavy Blaze had gotten and the vet made that observation about changes in her pack role when the light bulb went off.

Spaying Blaze changed her purpose.  She went from a hierarchy position where we felt equal with each other to second in command.  THAT'S what was so amazing for me having  dogs that are intact, there is an equality between you and them, especially emotionally and spiritually.   They are no different a species as you are and I find it kind of sad that it is so quickly taken away from them by one trip to the vet because people are so irresponsible.  There is nothing better than that feeling of being on the same level with someone, but it is quite special to be one with your dog.  It is probably why Brut and I were so keen on each other and understood the other's moves.

I know there is more to this role changing than Blaze becoming a food obsessed dog.  This change didn't effect her personality or our relationship, but it is like an invisible shift that took over my sweet girl and now with Brut gone it is even more noticeable.  I am intrigued with the changing of Blaze's role in the pack.  I will be observing further into what this means for her and if there is more to this story.

Fascinating stuff!