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Brut Quotes

Brut Quotes

Friday, July 13, 2018

Silver- Missing my girl

Silver:  A year and a half gone exactly today.


Missing her velvety coat


Her intensity


Her white muzzle against the snow


Her solid blackness with any background


The way she always slept

I miss everything about Silver.

And then some...




Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Fiona and her liver



It started out as a urine check for Fiona because I thought she might have a bladder infection.  She had been peeing more and drinking more water than usual.  She also would pee, then poop, then pee again, which I'd never seen her do before.  So hubby, Mark took in her urine sample and we waited for the call.

There was protein in her urine.  Quite possibly her kidneys.  We set up an appointment for a blood test the following week.

We took her in, had a full blood panel done and we got the results at the end of the visit.  Fiona's liver levels are all high.  Not sure exactly what that means, but it isn't good.  We were given liver supplements for Fiona to take for a month and then having levels rechecked.  If her liver levels go back down it is her liver malfunctioning and probably due to old age.  If her levels don't change, then there is something else going on that we will have to look into further.

We are a little scared, but hopeful.  Maybe it won't be as bad as we fear.

Any prayers or well wishes would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you!



Tuesday, June 26, 2018

WoveN

I always have a difficult time when I'm trying to express my love on paper for our four dogs, Chance, Blaze, Zappa and Fiona.  It is hard for me to put my feelings into words, which I normally don't have any trouble with doing.  I also find it hard to talk about the four "pups" without referencing Brut and Silver in some way.  The qualities of their mom and dad really shine through.  I don't know that I could talk about the "pups" behaviors and temperaments without bringing up Brut and Silver, being that these four are their kids.  They display so many qualities of their mom and dad and having lived with all of them, they have for the most part, become meshed together.  The way they think, feel and respond to us and each other, we have some how become a unit, even with the division of the two packs.  And without Brut here as the top dog, taking all the attention and energy, the four are on even ground.  A parallel playing field if you will.  These four are ALL alpha dogs in their packs.  Hubby, Mark and I are the top dogs now, without Brut, making it centered, with all of the rough edges smoothed out.  There is actually gravity with a solid anchor holding us with an even stronger connection and foundation.  Like Brut's true spirit in leadership has infused us together.  I would have never thought that Brut being gone, would make us so much stronger as two packs and a family as a whole.  Brut was a very powerful dog.  Physically, mentally and emotionally.  He just reverberated with strength.  Imagine the most important being in your family that everyone is drawn to and for good reason.  Now imagine them gone.  The void is enormous.  Your stomach falls to your knees feeling.  You can't grasp your breath.  Your whole life was center on that one being.  This whole blog started out because of Brut.  I have been lost for three years trying not to talk about him.  But I can't.  Brut is in every fiber and being of his kids.  They are excerpts of every personality that Brut had...and I can't just forget about him.  Brut and Silver's death balanced the scales of two extreme dogs.  And while it was both Brut and Silver's death that brought such harmony, it is the Brut in them that is the loudest.  As it should be.  I am living in phenomenon that is unfolding right before my eyes.  Every day.  I can't get over the equality that is between the four dogs currently after Brut stole the spotlight  when he was alive.  He ruled everything.



Brut's spirit has woven our family together, pulling it tight like a drawstring.  

It is comforting and mind blowing at the same time.  

That is just how Brut was.

And still is. ♥

Monday, June 18, 2018

Brut's roses-Three years later

It has been three years ago today that we buried Brut.

I have no idea what to say after three years of missing him.

This is Brut's rose this spring.

I practically baked it.

I covered it with a plastic barrel over the winter and forget to remove it in the spring.

We had an early spring, so it threw me off guard.

I just wasn't paying attention to the weather.

I thought it was a goner for sure.

Afraid that the rose we buried him with wasn't coming back.






And just as much as I feared the loss, I told my husband, "It'll come back.  It's Brut!"



And he did.

This is today.  In fact Brut's rose is thriving!

It was a long couple of months of not knowing if it would come back.

Or if the rose that was infused with Brut was going to have to be replaced.

And I think that would have been difficult on us.

Three years and counting.

Brut's rose is still going strong.

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Brut Thursday-Sensory World

It is those sacred moments with Brut that I miss the most.  Those times out in the backyard when it was just me and him sitting together listening to the world around us.

Since he had the better sniffer and better senses in general, I would just turn my head wherever he was facing.  I studied his expressions and little nuances in his face to see if I could locate the smell.  If the scent was strong enough I may get a whiff of Brut's interpretation.  It was such a gift to be part of his eyes, ears and nose.  Always alive, alert and intrigued.  With Brut, I was able to see the world through his senses that let me know it was very much alive.

Being part of Brut's sensory world was so much different than getting in his head.  These times together were about looking out instead of looking in.  At certain points I would speak, or ask a question, but most of the time we just observed and listened to the creatures in the night.

I can remember many winter nights, when the air was crisp, frigid and thin, it seemed like we could hear for miles.  Brut's liver colored nose, wiggling this way and that, while the rest of his body shimmied with excitement.  Those nights, were like magic.  We had a direct line to anything that made a sound, becoming one with the night and those around.

I've tried to create this quiet scene with our four pups, but my heart isn't in it.  They all may be a part of Brut, but they are not Brut.  Whatever we had together during those nights was unlike anything I'd ever experience with a dog before.  It is where I learned to live in the moment.   It was our time.  Something special between Brut and I, that can only be recaptured in my heart.

Forever Brut.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Confessions

I guess that is why I never really got into training my dogs tricks.  Most of the time I let them train me.  I believe in letting them evolve and grow into who they want to be.  Their true self.  Not a performed monkey.  There are no strings attached.  We work together, through and through.  They let me grow, change and fail, just as much as I let them.  And don't get me wrong, people who can teach their dogs to do tricks are great.  It's just not for me.  Even when I'm doing behavioral training I don't "tell them what to do."  They show me if they care or not, or whether they want to learn or not.  It is all up to them.  I am just a guide.  Not even that really.  More of a sounding board as they become who they are.  And that's when it becomes more than a relationship, a spiritual crossing if you will.  It isn't a matter of trying to talk to them, it is complete communication 24/7.  We are one.  The 24 Paws of Love are one.


Friday, June 8, 2018

I don't know how I did it with SIX dogs...





I'm telling you, I don't get it.  I don't see how I managed Brut, five dogs, two packs, two cats, and a duck, because I feel like I'm still just keeping it together with four!

I swear the dogs I have now, have filled every nook, cranny and empty space left by Brut and Silver.  For some crazy reason I thought after Brut and Silver passed there was going to be extra time to play with or that I get some sort of break mentally and emotionally.  Instead it feels like it quadrupled!  Zappa, Fiona, Chance and Blaze definitely fill the day and night.  Not to mention the two cats, Boxer and Leia.

And every so often I think, how did I do it before?  Especially with Brut!  My ultimate trouble dog and who took every ounce of my energy and creative power.  Just how did I do that?

I know I wasn't in this alone. I got a lot of help from the Big Dog in the sky, but it just blows my mind every time when I really think about it.

How about you, do you find yourself wondering how you've done it with your dogs/cats etc.?

 

Monday, June 4, 2018

Chance is doing great....

I, on the other hand took a little longer to recover from the scare. Everyone, including me, is doing fine and feeling healthy.  So that is a relief.

The weather cooled down drastically from the 90's to the 60's which has had a big impact on all our part-time Huskies.


Thank you for all your well wishes and prayers, they worked.




Thursday, May 31, 2018

It is every dog lovers fear...

It is that deep pit in your stomach that is always there in the back of your mind.  It is the one thing as dog lovers that we can agree on and keeps us united.  It is a fear that grows slowly every day, each day at a time.  There is no shaking it or stopping it and one day it will happen.  Your dog will die.  Your best friend will leave you and you will be shaken to the core.  We know what it is like, because you will even bond with complete strangers that say they lost their dog and you will nod your head because you know the pain and anguish of their loss.  

We know the fear all too well, as we live with four dogs all the same age and all from the same litter and who have already lost their mother and father.  It is scary.  When Zappa pinched a nerve in his lower back, that half hour of waiting for my husband to return so we could take him to ER, was frightening.  Not knowing what was happening to him as he shook and shook and shook in my arms, I didn't know if this was it or not.  Thoughts circled in my head, if it was or wasn't.  I shook as well as that fear bubbled up, praying and praying for help.  I do believe that when one goes the rest will follow like dominoes.   And it will be just too much for our hearts to handle.  It brings a cold reality when one of them is hurt or sick, that this could be it.  Hubby, Mark and I tremor in that reality and the growing panic that we will never be ready for.

I should state that I'm referring to an earlier than predicted death, not so much one of old age, which I think we all ask for.  

Chance was sick today, only two weeks after Zappa was and vomited his breakfast three times after eating.  The panic meter started to rise:  the obnoxious heat and humidity we've had and the dogs still having some of their undercoat.  The fact couple with company yesterday, that would have set off Chance's panic button to an already hyper dog and couldn't deal with all the heat. I've spent all day trying to adjust that meter, but the terror is real.  The fear that there is something more wrong that what I see.  The fear that just like his dad,Brut, that Chance has come down with something and there are no warning signs, only to find out too late.  The fear of losing him sooner with not enough time for anything.  Why?  Because it happened to me.  Brut was gone at the young age of eight years old.  With no symptoms that anything was wrong and once diagnosis too late, he was gone.  Just like that.  Gone forever and ever.  Gripping reality for the fear that runs deep for his children.  

Hopefully Chance will be feeling better by tomorrow.  If not we are off to the vet.  And hopefully Zappa will be OK, as he took the last of his pain killers today, so now it will be a watch and wait game.  

And as far as Mark and I, we will continue to spend all the quality time we can with our dogs, no matter the fear that lies beneath.  

We will pray for all you that live this fear.   (((HUGS)))     

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Zappa update

Zappa is doing much better since his er visit three days ago where he was treated for a pinched nerve in his lower back.


He's been resting and going for short walks.
I knew he was feeling better yesterday when the "Mouth" came back to join us.  He'd been so quiet those first days that I felt spoiled.  bol  It was good to have him back though.


We've had some great spring weather and Zappa's been taking advantage of it.  He has been staying outside all the time.


We have our fingers crossed that the nerve is becoming un-pinched with the rest he's had and that the anti-inflammatory pills will heal him up real soon.