Merry Christmas Blogville!

From the wisdom of Zappa's eyes,

to the bottom of our 24 Paws...

We wish you a very Merry Christmas!

Christmas Header-Now there are two

I was going to wait until Christmas Eve to unveil the header, but what fun would that be?  :)

This year's Christmas header was especially difficult.  It was hard to find a good face shot of Silver.  Which meant I went through almost every picture I had of her.  After two weeks of looking, I finally broke down and cried and cried and cried.  Last year at this time Silver was sick from cancer and we were trying to get her to eat.  As much as it all hurts, at least she is free now from all pain.  

Taking pics of the kids was pretty easy.  They'll do anything for a treat...well, almost anything!  They are part Husky you know.  For Chance and Blaze it is second nature for them to pose, they are like professional models.  It's a little different for Fiona and Zappa, as Fiona doesn't let Zappa get too close to him when there are treats.  She is so much like her Father, Brut.  lol

One thing I realized looking through all those pictures of Silver, Brut and family, is that I didn't have enough.  I went through a couple of really tough years of depression and I barely took any photos those years.  I have repeated this same cycle grieving through Brut and then Silver.  I don't want to look back and not have enough memories of my puppies. 

Enough said.

p.s.I'd like to thank my husband for the awesome design idea for the Christmas header.  It was all his idea.  All I did was take and find photos and put it all together.  ;)

We make a good team.

Fighting through personal obstacles

For the past year, I haven't had the words I want to express.  To share in the pain of losing Silver and the joy of bonding with her kids on a deeper and strengthened level. 

I don't know how to tell you of the strides we are making, in some of the most complex areas of our four dog's life.  I always feel so guilty for not being able to write about them for they have become of lives now.  I can not count the number of times I've sat down at my computer with great intent to share a particular event only to have it all vanish the minute my fingers pose over the keys.

I've also discover that the words aren't going to just come to me like before.  No it seems I have to work through them to find where I am going. 

So I'm pushing through...

To show you the miracles that are happening every day at the 24 Paws of Love.  The incredible relationships that are happening with Brut and Silver's kids.  And all the trials and errors that we go through on a daily basis. 

I guess I feel like it is my comeback song.  I want the records I have of Chance, Fiona, Blaze and Zappa like I do for Brut and Silver.  I want to look back and have all those memories written down, not only to share with you, my dear readers, but for me as well. 

I'm tired of mourning.  Not that it isn't going to happen.  This will be our first Christmas without Silver and I don't expect it will be easy.  Just like when her year anniversary comes about in January, I expect to have a mourning period. 

But...

I don't want to miss out on our time with the these beautiful, wonderful dogs and not have those memories stored away, so I can look back some day after they are gone and know they got their equal time on the blog. 

So if you can bear with me as I push through my obstacles, we'll get the 24 Paws of Love blog rolling!  And with more pics.  I'm so far behind on my photography!  I'll share some of my discoveries about that after Christmas!

Love you guys!

That would be heaven to me

I never know where my words will take me and the discoveries I will make when I write.  Sometimes it is my own personal revelations, but most of the time it is about that symbiotic relationship with the dogs and I.  It becomes mind opening and mind blowing all at the same time.

The last couple of days we have gotten a foot of snow for the dogs to play in.  There is nothing like watching Huskies in their element.  Their entire being just comes to life.  Their blood just vibrates with sheer excitement as all their senses are awakened.

I too feel the same way about the snow and cold.  I feel I can breathe deeper and reach further.  I feel my blood pump with ice and relish in the quiet serenity that surrounds me.

The dogs want to run instead of walk.  And I would give anything to shed this crappy human body and be transformed into a dog, so we could run together.  The closest I can come to that is when we dog sled.  But that too, is limited.  I want to suck in that freedom that comes when running like a Husky dog in the snow.  I don't know what Heaven will be like, but that would be heaven to me.

 

10 months after losing Silver

I did not expect to lose Silver so quickly after losing Brut.  Silver's gene's were strong on her dad's side and I really thought she had a good 3 or 4 more years to live.  Sometimes I'm still in shock over her death from 10 months ago.  Sometimes it is still hard to believe Silver isn't here, her presence is still strong.  I feel her at my side throughout the day and night.

Morning times are my mourning times.  It is when the sadness spills all through my body and I don't know how I am going to go on that day.  I am never alone during these crying spells though, and it is Silver's kids that keep me going knowing that their love and hope will carry me through another day without their mother.

I have been grieving for almost a year now and Silver's anniversary is in January.  Silver is the dog we've had the longest.  Maybe that's why it feels like she is always here and never really left.  Her body may have died, but her spirit is strong with me.  Maybe that is why I've never written about her death on her page.  I just can't bring myself to do it.

I miss my girl.  This time last year we knew she had cancer and we didn't know how long she had.  My time was spent taking care of her until the end.  I miss my little Momma Dog Silver.  I miss her mothering intuition and how she always took care of me.  Her perfect timing, her all knowing and the touch of her velvety fur.  She was so awesome like that.

I'm glad she still here.  I don't feel so alone with her by my side.

Every day is a Gotcha Day with Brut

Eleven years ago today we brought home a 6-week old bundle of fluff and holy terror.  I have never been so terrified of a puppy before but Brut scared the crap out of me! 

Hubby, Mark actually asked me rather sarcastically if I wanted to give Brut back to the breeder.  He didn't understand what the problem was.  I didn't know either, but there was definitely something different about Brut. 

Something very different that would become the foundation of his being.  The foundation that would be built upon and become the magnificent dog he was. 

The dog that would never die, live forever in my heart and where every day is a Gotcha Day with Brut. 

He changed the course of time for me and lead me down his path for all the world to see.  Brut was a being beyond any I've ever known. 

And he is still leading me down his path for all the world to see.

Life has never been the same since Brut entered our lives on this day.

And it never will be again. 

                                  Happy Gotcha Day Brut!

MINE!

Where there was Brut...there was Silver.

 Brut and Silver were a pair, a match made in heaven if you will.  There was no Brut without Silver and no Silver without Brut.  Ever since little Brut joined the family, he was spellbound with Silver.  I have video of a seven-week old Brut humping Silver while she laid on the floor on her back.  Even since that first time, he never stopped trying.  Brut was pretty much enamored with Silver.  So much so that he never tried to leave the yard after another female scent.  And for an unaltered male, that's intense.

I have unfinished post about Brut and Silver's "monogamy," and the curiosity if there is such a thing.  I'm sure if Brut had the opportunity to mate with another female, he would have done it, but I find it unique that he never try to escape for it.  He never roamed. He didn't have to, he had his girl right at home.

This "monogamy" that Brut and Silver carried out was so intense for Brut, I think it was the reason he died first.  Hence, he would have never survived the loss of Silver.  I had these feelings years before Brut died with what I witnessed between them.  Since Brut was an aggressive dog and threw out his feelings instead of withdrawing the situation would have been worse than any dog fight that we've ever had.  Obviously God must have had the same thoughts and we were blessed without knowing what would have happened if Brut hadn't of died first.

And like most couples who live together for years, when one goes, shortly afterwards the second one follows.  Silver was no exception.  After a year and a half without her boy, she followed Brut home.  She had her time with just the kids, preparing them for their new roles they would undertake as the Alpha dogs of the Back Pack.  While she prepared for heaven and her reunion with Brut.

Wordless Wednesday- Intruder Alert