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Current blog look inspired by and dedicated to Chance, Blaze, Fiona and Zappa who all kicked ass against cancer and liver disease.

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Saturday, December 4, 2010

A Little Mommy Time

Many days I feel like my days are well balanced between the two packs.  There are days when one pack may receive more attention than the other or days when certain dogs are singled out, but I still try to maintain a balance and meet everyone needs.  Then there are days like today when I feel like I have failed every single one of them. 

It is these low days when I find myself in mental exhaustion that I just don't have the energy to give them much and they suffer.  At least I think they do because it makes me suffer.  There is nothing worse than not being able to give the simple things that I believe dogs need.  A walk, playtime, training.  I just couldn't do it today and it was difficult day with that fact alone, not to mention all the other stresses that have brought me down.  It makes me feel like the worse dog mom in the world.  It's difficult maintaining two packs of dogs, there is a constant back and forth that can be maddening at times.  The constant division is just that, division.  It hurts that things must be that way for now and sometimes makes me wish there had been a way to see into the future of Chance and Blaze's return for I would have never let them go in the first place.  That along with a number of other things I wish I could have done differently in raising my dogs.  I would like to fix everything between the two packs to make them one right now.  Yes, I have many regrets, things I would love to do over and sometimes have a hard time accepting things as they are now, but I also know I can't change what I didn't know and what happened.  Although sometimes it would be nice to start over.

I do believe everything happens for reason and that things have a way of working themselves out.  I have found taking baby steps and making mistakes along the way have brought all of the dogs closer to being reunited with each other.  Sometimes when depression gets the best of me, it is hard to see the progress and the reasons why, but I do know they are there.  It these days that I want to just curl up with all of them and tell them how sorry I am for screwing up.

For more on the two packs you can read:  How We Became Two Packs

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Pamela said...

Sometimes all you can do is what you can do. You show a lot of grace to your dogs and I hope you can show the same grace to yourself.

Here's hoping you have a sweet little triumph to pick up your spirits!

Big Paw said...

Found you on the Pet blog hop and I am your newest follower and would love a follow back!

FiveSibesMom said...

Please don't feel too down. I think we all feel the stress of not giving them more attention than we can or do at times. Some days it's plenty, other days not so much. I like to believe that they are very happy with what they have. They know good and they know happy. As with humans, we don't always get it all on one day. Sometimes the good is spread out over several days, and not always consistent. You give them a good home, lots of love and care. There will be days we (especially us with larger packs) when we feel we can't or don't give each one the attention we feel they deserve. Then just look into their eyes and see their love back, and then know you are doing your very best and they love you for it. You are not alone, and you certainly are not a bad dog Mom. We all do our best. We all have some regrets about how we wish we did or could do things for them. But we need to look ahead, learn from the regrets and somehow take a little of what we wish we did and use that knowledge to better something in the future. And definitely focus on all the good. The pack is closer - that is a wonderful thing. They are happy and healthy - another wonderful thing. And they love you. The best thing ever. It's OK to let yourself take a little time for you. A happy, healthy Hu-Mom is ultimately a happy, healthy fur family. And sometimes, just a big ol' furry group hug is all we can do - and that is pretty wonderful too. We are thinking of you and big Husky hugs are being sent out to you and your furbabies!

♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥ said...

All we can do is echo the Five Sibes words. You just do the very best you can do, and we think it is pretty clear to us that you do that every day out of love for your pack.

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

Sage said...

I have to agree with the previous sentiments. You do the best you can and, I have found, things always end up OK. Getting there is the hardest part. Keep up the good work--we'll be thinking warm thoughts for you and your 24 paws!!

houndstooth said...

I think you're being too hard on yourself. Nobody can be perfect every minute of every day. We're human, and making mistakes is part of the human experience. The best you can do is learn from your mistakes and move forward as a better person! Be kind to yourself!

Deborah said...

You have beautiful pups!!! I love your header, they are beautiful and believe me, they all love you very much!!!
Have a nice weekend and I'm looking forward to following~Thank you for following us!

24 Paws of Love said...

Thank you so much all your kind regards and wonderful words of wisdom. I guess I just needed to hear them again and know I am not alone.

And yes houndstooth, my husband says the same thing. I am always too hard on myself. Thanks for the reminder. :)

the booker man said...

hihi miss 24 paws!!

thankies so super duper much for comin' by to visit me! i'd love to be friendz! :)
now i know i'm kinda new and stuff, but i did go and read all about your 2 packs. pretty please don't be so hard on yourself! what you are doing for your doggies is pretty much amazin'. even after peeps told you it wouldn't work, you didn't give up and are pilin' the lovins on each of your doggies. some days, you might have a little more lovins to dish out than others, but it's okie dokie cuz you are doin' the best you can!!

the booker man

melF said...

I think you are being too hard on yourself. Yes, our dogs need exercise and time, but you have an unusual situation. The fact that you chose to keep all of them, especially the Front Dogs after they came back, is honorable. Don't feel bad if once in a while you need some Mommy Time. You are doing the best you can.

I cannot imagine how exhausting it must be, but I know that it can't be easy. Remember to be good to yourself too!

Jack & Moo said...

Well, its like with our human kids -- we do our best & sometimes feel like its just not enough, even when we give them all the love we've got. Then we pick ourselves up & do our best the next day and the next day and the next.... gotta let God takes care of the details. All our "kids" are only loaned to us for a time...

jack & moo's mom, Pat

ForPetsSake said...

So embarassed - I thought I was already following! **facepalm**