Apologizing to my Chance

 Walked into the kitchen with the cats on my heels.  I let them come in and the tears immediately fell.  I apologized to Chance for letting them in.  I sobbed.   

The cats haven't been in the kitchen since Chance and Blaze died.  My barriers are starting to break down.  

It was hard enough letting them in the dog's room.  Some days I couldn't do it.  

It hurt so much.  

So the cats would have to stay in their room for the day.

I'll never be 100% comfortable with the cats in the dog's room, but I'm living with it, one day at a time.

It has just been in the last two days that I let the cats in the kitchen for any length of time.  I don't know why I did.  I just didn't have the emotional energy to shut the door.  

Chance did not like Boxer in his space and the kitchen belonged to Chance and Blaze.  He tolerated Boxer for me and it hurt to let Boxer in.  

As I sat outside writing this post, four Tufted Titmice came and sat on the tree behind me.  One by one they hopped on the fence only a couple of feet from my face.  They leaned in looking at me.  I talked to them.  Then after a few minutes they fluttered away. 

It wasn't until the last bird that I remembered that the Tufted Titmouse is Chance's spiritual bird.  He forgave me.

Tufted Titmouse

(photo courtesy of Wikipedia)

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This is a song I've been listening to, when I am sad.  Mostly when I think of Chance, but really it fits for all the dogs.  

It's sad.  It's beautiful. and it is short.

By Royal Blood-All We Have Is Now

Take a listen...

24 Paws Weekly News.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm so glad it is Friday and that this week is over.  It was a tough one for me, the dogs, the cats and hubby, Mark.  Mark was suppose to go in for minor surgery and it was cancelled at the last minute.  This was the second time it had been cancelled.  Talk about screwing up your plans!  There is a six week recovery after the procedure and Mark had the time set to take off of work, when it all fell through a second time.  Talk about aggravation and frustration! Now we are on a wait and see basis.  Hopefully the third time will be the charm.

The dogs are doing good.  Chance is still doing good on his diet.  Another talk with the vet after taking Blaze in for rabies shot, made me realize in order to get a good pH reading, I'm going to stop with my daily yogurt cup and no more little pieces of cheese.  Yes, it took me longer to accept that I can't feed him like I do.  From now on just special food and veggies.  The vet said she needs to know if the pH levels are high because of the way he digest his food, or if there is something that is wrong causing the pH levels so high.  The only way to find that out is  by staying on this special food and eliminating all of the rest he used to eat.  So that's my long version of saying I'm sticking to the plan for Chance's sake.

I have been going through PTSD flashbacks on and off for several weeks from childhood abuse.  I love that my therapy dogs are everywhere I am.  The other day Zappa sat on my boot, while I was going to put it on to take the dogs for a walk.  This is normal for him, except this time he was sitting still, no barking or jumping or kisses.  He just sat there, then he got up and walk away.  I took it as a sign that I shouldn't walk the dogs and he proved I was in no state of mind to do so.  It was probably better I stay home, so I took his advice and did just that.

The cats...another tough situation.  Boxer has been chasing Leia (the Siamese), because he is fed up and frustrated and taking it out on her.  I thought they were just playing, burning off some energy.  Turns out Boxer was deliberately out to harm her, throwing his dominance around.  They had both been getting the short end of the stick when it came to my attention this past week.  Now that I'm feeling better, I've been doing just that and things are back to normal.  Whew!

Have you ever wondered how you get a urine sample from a cat?  I did!  I didn't have a clue.  I had Boxer checked out and they used a syringe to draw his urine so it could be tested.  Turns out he had a bacteria infection and was given a shot that last two weeks to help clear it up.  Isn't that cool?  A shot!  No pills!

And on one final note, today is a special day: Brut's passing on the date of 18th and Friday is the day Silver passed.  Put them together and you have today's day and date. They are always together in spirit, it's just that today is a little extra reminder of them.

Well, that is the latest from our neck of the woods.  Hope everyone has a great weekend.  Stay safe and warm!

What have you been up to?

Impossible Love

I really don't know how I would get through the day if it wasn't for hubby, Mark, the 24 Paws and our two kitties.

They are all my best friends and I couldn't ask for anyone better.  I love them more than life.  They are always there for me, always love me, and have helped me to love myself.  I couldn't be more honored or blessed to have them all in my life.  And I know I don't deserve such blessings, but God must have thought otherwise or I wouldn't be with them today.  Everything in my life has lead to this moment and everything I could have dreamed of is here.  If you would have told me 30 years ago that I could be happy, fall madly in love and have all the unconditional love possible, I would have never believed it.  Never in a million years.  Yet, here I am.  Yes, here I am.  Living, loving and tackling every sharp curve and obstacle in my way.  We are going to do it. I am going to do it with the help of my family and God.  We are going to do the impossible.  Because that's what we have...impossible love.

Blaze and Boxer's progress

Come out kitty, kitty!

For today's post we are going to flip you over to our cat blog, 36 Claws of Attitude, for the awesome progress going on with Boxer and Blaze.

Blaze having a high prey drive with Boxer her long term target, something we've been working on changing for some time.  Wait until you see what is happening!

You can click HERE to read all about their progress together.

Blaze and the kitty-kitty Update

Here kitty, kitty, kitty!

HERE I told you about my experiment with Blaze getting to know the cats.  Her high prey drive and previous owners have made it quite a challenge.

I've been sitting with Blaze in front of the cat's door, while she lies down and feeds on cheese pieces.  Then I will open the door and see if the cats are out and about.

This is really a good time to try, because the cats hibernate from the dogs during the winter months which makes for good practice to have the door open.  Although most of the time we just saw this:

An empty cat room, as the cats were snug in their bed.









Once Boxer was in front of the door with his back turned to us and stayed that way for a few minutes before leaving.

Come here, doggy, doggy, doggy!!

And the other time Boxer was on the desk looking down at Blaze who was doing a very good job of being calm and in control of herself.

I try to do it at least once a day, but I've been lacking these past couple of weeks.  No problem, we'll just try again.

I've been very impressed with my little girl.  She has stayed lying down, which is HUGE, and she's been staying calm and in control.  HUGE!!

So while it may not seem like much, Blaze is making great headway so far.

We will keep you up to date!

Why a calm Brut is not always a good thing

I'm so tired of dealing with Brut's aggression.  It is ugly, vile and violent.  The worst part about it is the longer it lays dormant, when it does rear its ugly head it is worse than in the beginning.  It is like a disease that progresses even when there are no signs or symptoms while the venom gets stronger and stronger.

For the most part Brut is a happy-go-lucky dog, believe it or not.  Moody at times but all in all there have been long strectches without any aggressive behavior.  And it seems this is where the killer lies, in wait, until all the brewings coming together when he becomes a stealth bomber, completely catching me off guard.  Brut goes for so long being calm and relaxed and happy that I drop my guard, little by little with him.  A leathal combination.  He gets bolder in his attacks and because they happen so quickly, I am missing the cues to intervene and cut off his course.

Like when this happened the other night:

Brut was alone in the living room, the rest of the Back Dogs were in the bedroom, so Brut could have some alone time with us.

I was sitting at the laptop on the couch, when I see Brut make a mad swoop in front me just as I noticed Boxer the cat come up beside me and Brut started to snarl.  It all happened very swiftly.  It didn't give me any time to react instead I was pretty freaked out and froze.  I was afraid to move, in case Brut would react.

Brut was being possessive of me and by me not responding I was telling him that his behavior was acceptable and that he had my permission to get rid of the intruder.

So he did.  He grabbed Boxer's head then immediately let go when I told him NO!

Tell you what, it was scary.

And this all happened in a matter of seconds.  There was very little I could do.

Boxer is OK. (thank God) Not a scratch on him, but he doesn't help the situation out very much either.  He will sit and confront Brut with no fear or brains (I swear) until Brut attacks.  Boxer won't run either, he will just join Brut for the staring showdown.  

I don't know what it is with all this strong willed blood in this house and the relentless stubborness to stand their ground.

I went over the incident over and over in my head and really I'm not sure there was anything I could have done different except maybe push Boxer away.  Since he was the irritant under Brut's collar, but since I froze, I don't know that I could have even did that.  The whole thing was so sudden and scary that I don't think I would have had time to do anything differently in that state of mind.  All I can do now is take a relaxed breath that no one was hurt and be prepared for the next time.

What about you?
Have you had any situations like this with other animals in your house?  How did you react?  Was your reaction positive or negative to the situation?  What would you do different?

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pee.s. there is finally an update to the cat's blog 

Do You Remember Us?

Sometimes it just takes the right timing

Rarely do I have a clear cut path in training.  I meander all over until I find the method that works for the dogs and I before trying to implement it.  I enjoy experimenting with different possiblities and exhausting all trial runs to know I'm making the best choices where both the dogs and I will be happy.

Open!  Open!  Open the door, Mom!!

One example of this was working with Blaze's strong prey drive with the cats whom she is separated from.  The cats' room is inbetween the Front Dogs and the Back Dogs.  Boxer and Leia have their own cat door into the Back Dogs section of the house, where they mingle with Brut, Silver, Fiona and Zappa.  The regular entrance door is on Chance and Blaze's side of the house.

I've tried a few different methods that involved tying Blaze up and opening the door for Boxer to come out.  When I've scheduled an actual training session these methods worked.  But like many things when you have 6 dogs and a household to run, they can get pushed to the back burner.  Where they simmer until the time is right to work on them again.

How long do I have to wait for the kitty?

Now I've done some on the spot training, with no treats and no real control of Blaze, that as you may have guessed didn't work out quite so well.  What I'm finding that all this time of back and forth, I believe I've found a way to try again with Blaze and the cats and most importantly, Blaze seems ready as well.

I sit at the doorway on the floor, have Blaze lay down behind me, and after some cheese pieces and staying in a down position, open the door to the cats' room.  She must stay in a down-stay while I treat her.  The first time there were no cats around, which was good.  Just practicing down-stay and not going into high alert with the door open is half the battle.  Today we opened the door and Boxer was in front of us eating.  Blaze's eyes stayed soft, her body was relaxed and we just sat there getting a belly full of cheese.  Then I shut the door.

Now that is fantastic.

Gotcha!!

As for the cats, I've broken some trust with Boxer and Leia with my on the spot training and must rebuild, but Boxer being most curious and laid back of the two will come around with Leia in the background.  Which is fine.

Too many times Blaze has been too excited and Boxer too curious, which has lead to Blaze grabbing Boxer with her mouth and nosing him with too much euthusiasm.  So taking it slow will be a good thing for all parties involved.  

It's a beginning with some foundation.  Not totally new.  But both at a time when we are willing and able.  And that's what makes it the best training.  May have taken several years, but well worth the wait.

I'll keep you updated!  ☺