Brut Thursday, a day late, but not forgotten.
I was thinking about Brut today. My husband, Mark and I were a little huffy with one another and I my boy came to mind.
Nobody really understood Brut's anger issues. I don't even think Mark could fully comprehend them, but I got it. It made total sense to me once I discovered his puppy hood before us. I knew what it was like to be betrayed and to fight for yourself by yourself. From a depth that is scarring and sacred, you hold on to survive with that last breath. Because it is all you have. It becomes all you know as the fear swells in you, fighting to destroy everything you have, your heart and soul. You become the fight you feared to save them. Only to find you are killing yourself in the process. So you thrash harder not understanding why it hurts so. But it is the only way you know.
I don't know how Brut and I ever picked apart all those needles in our gut, but we did it together. I don't know that either of us "healed" right but learned in each other that we were not alone in our fight. In fact Brut taught me how to fight and stand up for myself turning that turmoil inside out.
Brut had a way of calming me because I was understood. Something I hadn't found in my journey until him. I witnessed first hand the "home" life he had before me. Vicious. Daunting. Many angry dogs all living on survival mode. Scary. It was no wonder Brut scared the crap out of me from a young puppy. The boy was crazy with fear. And hurting so deep. Was it any wonder we bonded so deeply?
To say I was blessed with Brut is an understatement. I don't know that there is a word for it that would do our relationship justice. I miss my boy every day. If I didn't know his spirit is right there for me, I don't know what I would do. Connecting with Brut is my strength. Knowing and healing with him brings me right back here. To this blog to share my story of the greatest dog I have ever known.