Brut Thursday-The Fight Within

Brut Thursday, a day late, but not forgotten.

I was thinking about Brut today.  My husband, Mark and I were a little huffy with one another and I my boy came to mind.

Nobody really understood Brut's anger issues.  I don't even think Mark could fully comprehend them, but I got it.  It made total sense to me once I discovered his puppy hood before us.  I knew what it was like to be betrayed and to fight for yourself by yourself.  From a depth that is scarring and sacred, you hold on to survive with that last breath.  Because it is all you have.  It becomes all you know as the fear swells in you, fighting to destroy everything you have, your heart and soul.  You become the fight you feared to save them.  Only to find you are killing yourself in the process. So you thrash harder not understanding why it hurts so.  But it is the only way you know.

I don't know how Brut and I ever picked apart all those needles in our gut, but we did it together.  I don't know that either of us "healed" right but learned in each other that we were not alone in our fight.  In fact Brut taught me how to fight and stand up for myself turning that turmoil inside out.

Brut had a way of calming me because I was understood.  Something I hadn't found in my journey until him.  I witnessed first hand the "home" life he had before me.  Vicious.  Daunting.  Many angry dogs all living on survival mode.  Scary.  It was no wonder Brut scared the crap out of me from a young puppy.  The boy was crazy with fear.  And hurting so deep.  Was it any wonder we bonded so deeply?

To say I was blessed with Brut is an understatement.  I don't know that there is a word for it that would do our relationship justice.  I miss my boy every day.  If I didn't know his spirit is right there for me, I don't know what I would do.  Connecting with Brut is my strength.  Knowing and healing with him brings me right back here.  To this blog to share my story of the greatest dog I have ever known.

 

Heart to Heart

Personal - Brut's Aggression Week

 I laid next to Brut with my head against his fur.  Just touching each other.  Not to be held or cuddled, just to be there.  I felt horrible.  I felt ashamed.  Brut understood.  More than any other dog in our packs, he knew better than anyone why I'd come to him.  
 I had lashed out at my husband.  It had nothing to do with him, but the pain of a situation I had no control over got to me and I threw my fear and frustration all over my him.  
 Brut and I stayed that way for some time.  I didn't have to utter a word as I drew from his forgiving strength.

One of the hardest things about Brut's aggression isn't the action itself, it is accepting him as he is.  While there is nothing more difficult than the fear of witnessing his assault on one of the other dogs, it doesn't compare to acknowledging, this is my dog.  More than once, Brut came to me afterwards with remorse.  Almost as if he couldn't understand why he reacted the way he did and would look to me for understanding.

 And as I laid there with Brut, in the comfort of his presence that was unshaken by my human flaws, I understood more and more why he had come into my life.  With the roles reversed, this beautiful, temperamental dog keeps teaching me the gift of accepting and understanding myself as well as each other.

  ********************************************************************************

  

Dedication Week-Accepting Brut

For every blogger that I have encounter, we dedicate this next post to you as part of our Dedication Week.  It is the collaboration of every tale you tell, every cute, funny story and every heartache that you share that has given me a place to come and be with those who understand what a dog's love means.  A love that is still transforming the nucleus of our personal dog universe and creating a trickle down effect. 

  The King 

I started out on dog forums in a desperate attempt for information and was chastised for Brut's dog aggression .  I took some hard blows from this forum right about the time my husband kept pressing about starting a dog blog.  I could barely fathom the thought.  It hurt bad enough to deal with a behavior that I could barely understand and I was certain blogging about him would open me to more criticism than I could bear. 

I honestly don’t know how or why I but I began to check out dog blogs.  Something must of sparked because I suddenly began putting our site together and despite all my fears and apprehension, I bit the bullet and we created the 24 Paws of Love. 

I was cautious, I felt my way through and the feedback was positive. I began to test the waters a little further, with THIS POST, and not one person slam me for Brut’s nature.  The ice broke. 

Just think about what you've been a part of

From that point I took each step in those icy waters and found other dog lovers who may or my not have understood, but were open and empathic to a degree that completely blew my mind.   

I began to change, which meant Brut began to change because I was able to be open with you about the real struggles, the issues, my fears and sorrows.  Your acceptance became mine and helped to speed up an evolution of change to bring us to where we are now.  I still can not believe it.

 The trickle down effect

The hardest thing about having a dog that is dog aggressive is accepting Brut as he is.  I would have never thought that my husband's crazy idea would change our lives in a way that were so positive and rewarding.  And whether you agree or not with our situation, your acceptance of Brut has created an impact on the 24 Paws of Love as a whole by helping a wonderful family of dogs in a bizarre circumstance to feel right at home.

Because as the saying goes around here:  "When Brut is happy, everyone is happy."  And we know he is happier than he has ever been.  :)

***Pee.S.  We are hearing rumors of snow flying the next couple of days.
Please keep your paws crossed!
Our last snow fall turned into treacherous ice and mud.
We are HUSKIES!!  We need SNOW!!**