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Current blog look inspired by and dedicated to Chance, Blaze, Fiona and Zappa who all kicked ass against cancer and liver disease.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
They're Just "Dogs"
I've been through many things in my life that nearly killed me in me in some way or another. The horrific life I've lived has left lasting emotional scars that have left their mark like a branding. The only constant through this hell has been animals, particularly dogs and the close contact I have been so blessed with through my life. Being able to look into those eyes, no matter what was happening, gave me the peace of mind and comfort to carry on another day, another hour, another minute, because all I ever saw was love. That piercing unconditional love that reached deep inside of me to let me know there was more than all of this. One dog started my journey that lead to every animal I ever encountered and those that I was so privileged to have in my life that has aided in this lifelong healing with every painful step I have taken. I can not begin to share my gratitude.
I have scraped the bottom of the barrel so many times in my life that I didn't know which way was up anymore. I have felt more worthless than one person should ever have to feel in a day, let alone a lifetime and I have never felt a reason to really be alive. This was more than being in a tough spot, it has been a way of life that I have been trapped in with no possible way out. Scary doesn't begin to describe it. So many times I didn't know if I was going to make it through, or if I even wanted to. Ideas I still struggle with on varying levels as far as my self worth and value because of my past and today was one of those days.
No matter how far I try to runaway in my mind, no matter what horrors from the past reappear to try and haunt me I have nine tangible beings that help keep me grounded and here. No matter how I feel, or what I think about who I am, it is the eyes and fur of these living being in this home that never let me get too far from the truth. Over and over they remind me every day of my value and worth to them and the many before them who shared in that same truth. They never let me forget how much I mean to them and how precious our love for each other is. They have taught me how to reach out to them all the while reaching out to me when I need it most. I can not begin to describe the countless times of this out pour of this unconditional love as they constantly rally to prove I deserve it. For if it wasn't for the many animals I met in my life, I would never know what true love was/is. Animals saved my life, over and over and over again. So many times I can't begin to count. I have never stopped depending on them and the biggest gift I got in return was learning that they depended on me as well. A concept I am still trying to understand to this day. I may never know 'why' but they have been teaching me each day to embrace it and who could ask for more than that?