© 2024 24 Paws of Love

Protected by Copyscape© 2010-2024 24 Paws of Love.com All content (pictures, videos and text) from this blog and its feeds may not be displayed or reproduced. Please request permission from Mark or Patty before using at 24pawsoflove@gmail.com Thank you.
Current blog look inspired by and dedicated to Chance, Blaze, Fiona and Zappa who all kicked ass against cancer and liver disease.

Brut Quote

Brut Quote

Monday, October 27, 2014

Brut Self-Love

I've needed dogs all my life, they were my mentors on love, but I never needed I dog as badly as I needed Brut.  He's been teaching me the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn and one that only he could teach.  Self-love.

I've been in a downward spiral of self hate for most of my life and living thru the memories of my childhood abuse (PTSD) only made things worse.

I think it is why I related with and loathe Brut's aggression.  It made me face myself and that was the last thing I knew how to do.

There was a part of me that loved his freedom and power to express himself.  Nobody walks all over Brut.  I struggled to reclaim that power in my own life.  To have the confidence and strength that would stop myself from my own self beatings.

And I hated Brut too for his aggression and the violence and cruelty it portrayed.  It became a cycle that I couldn't see.

I fought hard for my heart dog.  Even before I knew a word that described him.  Little did I know that every time I faced Brut, I faced myself.

Brut's aggression would go from 0 to 60 and back in a matter of breaths.  I took a little longer on my end of forgiveness.  

No matter if it was my fault or his for a fight, eventually I came around to forgiving him and most
important, I continued to love him.  And every time I loved him, a little piece of me was loved.

This awful, horrible being I grew up thinking I am, was chipping away when I was confronted with Brut and his aggression.  For I already knew the beautiful being Brut was. I was shocked to discover much later he was thinking the same thing about me.

It has taken many years of dog's unconditional love that kept me believing in love at all. It was Brut that started breaking down that self prison with every growl, snarl, and gnashing of his teeth to wake this girl up and set her free.



bichonpawz said...

This is just a wonderful post. I am so sorry that you went through that as a child. I can relate to much of what you said. Brut and you rescued each other. A match that was meant to be!

Unknown said...

Ditto Jeanne we so agree. Have a marvellous Monday.
Best wishes Molly

Golden Daily Scoop said...

What a wonderful, raw post. So sorry that you went through that. So glad that you and Brut are together, it was surely meant to be.

Kirsten (peacefuldog) said...

You have had an incredible journey and you write so eloquently, so beautifully about it. I hope you keep posts like that coming--they are an inspiration for other survivors. Dogs are life-savers for sure!