Sometimes you've just gotta let the dog lead

The roads were snow packed and were suppose to turn icy sometime during the evening.  I was in a dilemma about who to walk and how many at a time.  My sciatica had been acting up all day and the pain was always less in the evening.  Back and forth with my decision, when I finally decided to walk Chance and Blaze, but separately.  I could use the reprieve on my back, but it meant two walks.

I hadn't completely given up on walking the Back Dog Trio, when Blaze and I started out, but I wasn't sold on the idea either.

The evening was misty, foggy and glowed in white between the overcast sky and the snow on the ground.  The soft white brightened the walk and gave a warm and cozy feeling.

Blaze set a quick pace, just enough for me to keep up with her without totally losing my breath.  There was a difference in her tonight, she was relaxed and comfortable and for once we didn't feel at odds with each other.  She didn't pull or tug or dart but kept her path forward.  With each step I was letting go of the day's worries and letting Blaze lead the way.

She walked with confidence without being dominant or demanding as we went this way than that.  When we met our turnaround spot, Blaze gently led me forward.  She wanted this time with me and our special walk together.  So we carried on along the path, just her and I in a quiet, peaceful manner.  Enjoying every step that didn't lead to pain radiating down my arm that held the leash to my lower back.  This was wonderful!

Somewhere half way through I realized the Back Dogs were going to have to wait until tomorrow for their walks.  This was too precious to give up.  I wish I really had the words to describe it.  With Blaze, I have always been intimidated by her wit and smarts.  So I have always went into many walks with her trying to outwit and control her.  It has only lead to her painfully pulling me every which way, especially in the winter time when she has that Husky energy.  The battle of wits leaves me exhausted, frustrated and in severe pain.  Tonight I just went with her.  Followed her. And she proved her trust and maturity, as well as love.  This isn't the first time this has happened.  There have been a handful of other times we have walked with her in the lead, but this was the first time that she didn't try to take advantage of it and that was truly heartfelt.  Blaze spoke of her trust loud and clear.  If I let her, she will guide me.

The power of this evening's walk was tested a bit as we got closer to home and Blaze tugged me the opposite direction.  She wasn't ready for the walk to end and I obliged her.  We walked a little ways downtown, then turned around to come home and that seemed to prove I was listening and heard her.  Such simple blessings.

Maybe if I don't lead with so much fear when it comes to Blaze, we will have more walks like this.  I know we can walk further this way, which I would really love.  I was so amazed by the definition she gave me of herself, that I was truly blown away at how much she took care of me on the walk.  Peace, understanding and simple unconditional love.  All a girl could really want.  Especially when it goes both ways.

Aren't dogs beautiful?

My Therapy Dogs at Work

Dear Friends,

It has been a rough couple of days for me dealing with my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  I had a trigger that set off a chain of reactions and I really struggled today.  Thank Goodness for the dogs.  When I felt I was splitting from myself, I cuddle with one of them and it grounded me.  It is probably the reason my post aren't very cute and funny.  My dogs are my lifeline.  They always have been.  And maybe having "therapy dogs" all my life to help me through my childhood abuse and the aftermath of it has given me a different perspective than some might have about dogs.

When I'm in this scathed state of body and mind, I relive that which was done to me and I am frozen and emotionally paralyzed.  Deep in my mind I'm calling for help and when that call comes to surface, I will have the strength to go to one of the dogs, who is open to receive me and just smother them with kisses and cuddles until I feel feeling once again rush to my brain.  That's when I know I'm OK and I am safe and well cared for.  That's what they do for me, unfreeze my brain and let me feel their love wash over me.  And this has been ongoing since I was very young and it is the way I survived.

I don't know that I could every really describe how that really feels, but the above is close.  I can go from feeling death to life with just a furry touch.  And it is so wonderful.  I bounced back quickly today because I had that rejuvenation with the dogs.  And I know everything is going to be OK.

   What better therapy than to cuddle with the 24 Paws of Love?

Brut Self-Love

I've needed dogs all my life, they were my mentors on love, but I never needed I dog as badly as I needed Brut.  He's been teaching me the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn and one that only he could teach.  Self-love.

I've been in a downward spiral of self hate for most of my life and living thru the memories of my childhood abuse (PTSD) only made things worse.

I think it is why I related with and loathe Brut's aggression.  It made me face myself and that was the last thing I knew how to do.

There was a part of me that loved his freedom and power to express himself.  Nobody walks all over Brut.  I struggled to reclaim that power in my own life.  To have the confidence and strength that would stop myself from my own self beatings.

And I hated Brut too for his aggression and the violence and cruelty it portrayed.  It became a cycle that I couldn't see.

I fought hard for my heart dog.  Even before I knew a word that described him.  Little did I know that every time I faced Brut, I faced myself.

Brut's aggression would go from 0 to 60 and back in a matter of breaths.  I took a little longer on my end of forgiveness.  

No matter if it was my fault or his for a fight, eventually I came around to forgiving him and most

important, I continued to love him.  And every time I loved him, a little piece of me was loved.

This awful, horrible being I grew up thinking I am, was chipping away when I was confronted with Brut and his aggression.  For I already knew the beautiful being Brut was. I was shocked to discover much later he was thinking the same thing about me.

It has taken many years of dog's unconditional love that kept me believing in love at all. It was Brut that started breaking down that self prison with every growl, snarl, and gnashing of his teeth to wake this girl up and set her free.

   

the Power of One-on-One Attention

White Dog Army from White Dog Diaries Online made an important comment that I thought I would share and expand upon.

"One-on-one is so crucial especially in families with big packs."

I found it as a coping tool that when all the dogs were too much at once, I would take one and run away with them.  I still do.  I've found the best way not only for me, but the dogs as well is taking that one-on-one time with each and every one.  It's taking that quality time and giving it all to one, be it 15 minutes or an hour.  And as many of you commented on this post you felt the same way.  Having and giving that complete individual attention with each dog makes for a happier pack and makes the pack easier to manage.  

Taking that special time with one dog, they loosen up out that strong pack mentality and are a little more carefree with letting more of their true personalities show.  There's no pressure or threats or vying for your attention, they have all of you and they have no problem giving all of themselves to you.  It's in those moments and quiet time when you really bond and forge a new level of true love.  You understand each other better, there's a little more peace of mind and you embrace these secret meetings like nothing else matter but you two.  The time together is priceless and immeasurable.  It is precious and true and is so vital in staying in tune with each individual dog and the pack as a whole.  And being a solitary person, taking that one-on-one time just came natural to me when dealing with a "crowd."  It is like sharing secrets that the others will never know.  And it is those secrets you share in a look in the hustle and bustle of the pack that you know will hold true forever.     

Loyalty

No you won't find it anywhere like in dog.  And it seems it is more than a lost idea or concept, when it comes to people.  It is almost nonexistent.  People are swayed by the way the wind blows, like shifting reeds in the fields.  They could learn a thing or two, if they were willing to open their mind to it and the beauty that exist when there is loyalty and trust between two beings.

A beaten dog keeps crawling to its master, why?  I believe they are trying to plead their loyalty.  Dogs will do ANYTHING to prove their loyalty to said human.  Dogs are here for them no matter what, if they would just turn and look into those merciful eyes.  Dogs will forgive if they will just let them.  And no matter what dogs will always love them.  

Dogs will stand by your side, through the thick and thin of life, emotions, mistakes and even the a misguided deliberate action.  It is more than just counting on them, they are engaged 120%.  To walk by your side, next to you until the very end of time.  Devoted like no other creature on this earth.  Devotion that never gives up on you and that never dies.  Devotion like that I have seen in Chance, Blaze and Brut who still forgive their abusers and will carry their loyalty to the grave for them.  Loyalty that stakes a claim in your heart and seals your fate with them, whether you want it or not.  Whether you accept it or not.  Whether you like it or not.  It is there.

And when you embrace that special moral quality that makes a dog a dog, you will open your senses to the ways and wonders of a love that is like no other.  One that sings in the rain, howls at the moon, and runs like the wind, setting your spirit free.  It rings though your soul and grounds you to your very being.  For there is nothing like that devotion, that loyalty or love that brings the heart of humans to the ground, if you let it.  If you will take the chance and are willing, you will find the real meaning of true, honest to goodness, pure hearted loyalty.