Zappa bonding

I think I'm in the final phases of accepting the loss of Chance, Blaze and Fiona.  It struck me on and off throughout last summer, fall and this winter that it is just us three, Mark, Zappa and I.  And the closer the three of us bond the more apparent it is.  Our pack has gotten stronger and stronger, in ways I would have never thought possible.  I don't even know if I can explain it, but Zappa is like having all the dogs put together in him.  We are tighter than we have ever been and we are living and breathing on that strength.  A bond I would have never thought could happen, between Zappa and I, is happening.   

And I still can't believe it!

The Turkey Sandwich

 I've mentioned before that Zappa and I were never very tight.  In fact, he wasn't my favorite out of the bunch.  He was smart enough to get Daddy Dog Brut in trouble when Zappa was the one who started messing with Brut.  He knew exactly how to push Brut's buttons, and then cry for me and I, not seeing what happened, would blame Brut.  Once I caught on, I didn't care for Zappa or his antics.  Brut was my dog and Zappa was too smart for his own good.  To top it off, Zappa was hubby, Mark's dog.  So, even though I loved him, there was always a riff between Zappa and I. 

Rewind to almost 2 years ago when the Chance, Blaze and Fiona died:

Things were pretty rough.  We had just lost Chance 3 days before and it was our first day after Fiona died.  All our emotions were raw.  My lunches were always spent with the Front Dogs (Chance and Blaze) since their headquarters were in the kitchen.  And here I was sitting with this stranger of a dog all alone on the back porch and I didn't know what to do.  Maybe Zappa would like to share my sandwich.  So I ran in, fixed lunch, and offered him some turkey.  

He took it slowly and gently.  His eyes relayed he was still in shock and fresh pain.  I'm sure my eyes were a reflection of his.  For a moment we connected.  For a moment we were there for each other.  And for a moment our personal feelings for each other didn't matter.  For that moment we just were.  

For that moment, we were OK.

Zappa's laser treatment

Walking so much better with laser treatment.

 One of my favorite days of the week is Zappa's laser treatment day.  It has become such a bonding time for the three of us, as well as the vet staff, whom have fallen in love with Zappa.  

The day starts 3 hours before his appointment, when he gets his sedative, along with his daily supplements and if he's in the mood, breakfast.  I am not really a fan of giving the medicine, but there are some benefits.  For one, it makes him drop his guard and soften his aloof demeanor.  He changes from shrug-a-shoulder-don't-bother-me-dog to please-stay-close-to-me dog.  This is only exemplified when we get in the van.  Zappa can't sit or lay down in the van and so he stands in between our front seats, all the more bringing that physical closeness that we don't get on a normal day.  So these rides have become pretty special.  Sneaking kisses that I've missed out on, petting, hugs (for those sharp corners) and treats make it the perfect together time.  And if that wasn't enough, Zappa will ask for eye massages or pets by rubbing his head against my forearm.  Yes, these rides are a treat indeed! 

Standing on his own back legs.

The sedative doesn't knock him out.  He is very aware of what is going on and where we are going.  I only give him half of recommended dose otherwise it takes too long for him to recover from it. So, he still is nervous going to the vet.  The vet techs are so good with him and work well with Zappa, which makes for a good visit.  

We let Zappa go by himself in the back room to get his laser treatment.  It is a 45 minute procedure and this is where the second half of the fun comes in...meeting all the dogs and dog owners that come in while we are waiting.  They share their stories, we share ours and it is like a meeting of the dog minds.  I love this part of our trip.  There are so many different dog breeds and we have seen some really unique ones, every week is different.  

Even having a little playtime with no pain.

The ride home is much more relaxed.  Zappa is usually a little calmer and feeling less pain and now it is just a matter of getting home so he can rest.  It will take him about 24 hours to recover from the sedative and the trip itself.  A nap, a meal and more napping until bedtime.  Half way through the following day of his treatment, he will start waking up from the medicine and the results from the laser treatment are quite noticeable after that first day.  

And then we get to do it all over again the next week.  :)

Sometimes you've just gotta let the dog lead

The roads were snow packed and were suppose to turn icy sometime during the evening.  I was in a dilemma about who to walk and how many at a time.  My sciatica had been acting up all day and the pain was always less in the evening.  Back and forth with my decision, when I finally decided to walk Chance and Blaze, but separately.  I could use the reprieve on my back, but it meant two walks.

I hadn't completely given up on walking the Back Dog Trio, when Blaze and I started out, but I wasn't sold on the idea either.

The evening was misty, foggy and glowed in white between the overcast sky and the snow on the ground.  The soft white brightened the walk and gave a warm and cozy feeling.

Blaze set a quick pace, just enough for me to keep up with her without totally losing my breath.  There was a difference in her tonight, she was relaxed and comfortable and for once we didn't feel at odds with each other.  She didn't pull or tug or dart but kept her path forward.  With each step I was letting go of the day's worries and letting Blaze lead the way.

She walked with confidence without being dominant or demanding as we went this way than that.  When we met our turnaround spot, Blaze gently led me forward.  She wanted this time with me and our special walk together.  So we carried on along the path, just her and I in a quiet, peaceful manner.  Enjoying every step that didn't lead to pain radiating down my arm that held the leash to my lower back.  This was wonderful!

Somewhere half way through I realized the Back Dogs were going to have to wait until tomorrow for their walks.  This was too precious to give up.  I wish I really had the words to describe it.  With Blaze, I have always been intimidated by her wit and smarts.  So I have always went into many walks with her trying to outwit and control her.  It has only lead to her painfully pulling me every which way, especially in the winter time when she has that Husky energy.  The battle of wits leaves me exhausted, frustrated and in severe pain.  Tonight I just went with her.  Followed her. And she proved her trust and maturity, as well as love.  This isn't the first time this has happened.  There have been a handful of other times we have walked with her in the lead, but this was the first time that she didn't try to take advantage of it and that was truly heartfelt.  Blaze spoke of her trust loud and clear.  If I let her, she will guide me.

The power of this evening's walk was tested a bit as we got closer to home and Blaze tugged me the opposite direction.  She wasn't ready for the walk to end and I obliged her.  We walked a little ways downtown, then turned around to come home and that seemed to prove I was listening and heard her.  Such simple blessings.

Maybe if I don't lead with so much fear when it comes to Blaze, we will have more walks like this.  I know we can walk further this way, which I would really love.  I was so amazed by the definition she gave me of herself, that I was truly blown away at how much she took care of me on the walk.  Peace, understanding and simple unconditional love.  All a girl could really want.  Especially when it goes both ways.

Aren't dogs beautiful?

Brut Thursday- The Snow King

The night was still and quiet.  Not a sound could be heard but our own.  The bitter cold air seem to freeze our breath in front of us and the snow beneath us was crystallized.

The snow piles Brut and I sat on were the result of raking the deep snow off the garage roof.  I had to knock them down for fear of one of the dogs getting on the garage roof, they were that high.

It seemed as if the world had just stopped moving that frigid night.  Brut sat erect and elongated listening for the faintest sound.  Ears slowly moving with bat radar this way and that.  The rest of the dogs had gone in, but not Brut, my winter die hard, he climbed the top the snow pile and smiled.  He was in his element.  We both were and I climbed to the top to sit next to him.

I carefully followed the ears and head of this magnificent snow beast.   Keeping a  close eye of that little twitch of alertness when he connected with a resonance.  I shifted my eyes to his line of sight and turned my head with his.  And we sat that way for some time.  Syncing in alignment we were mindful of each other and the world around us.  So simple and true we sat close together, his bristled fur just whispering across my jacket.  This was us, the two snow dogs of the household that left me with a memory as clear as the stars that chilly night and a friend that lays in my heart, forever.

   

Brut Thursday- I Was Never Disillusioned

The first time Brut ever came face to face with another dog was with our part-time neighbor's dog.  Brut was just six months old, full speed into puberty when the chocolate lab ran up to the road to greet us.  Brut became fully charged.  Barking, lunging, pulling like the devil to get at this dog.  I wasn't too shocked, but I didn't know what to do but stand and hold Brut away from this dog who all but just stood there.  Finally, someone called the dog's name and he took off.  I was shaken, but OK.  Brut on the other hand was on ready to take on the world and anybody else that got in our way.  I don't know if he ever did settle down as we continued on our walk, but I was glad when it was over.  At the time I didn't think anything of it really, Brut had already shown me with Silver that he had a problem with dogs, I just knew I'd have to be very cautious on our walks from now on.

Brut never gave me the option to be disillusioned that he might be friendly with another dog outside of his pack.  Heck, he had enough issues within his pack, he wasn't going to take kindly to any dogs outside of it.  There was no guess work when it came to Brut.  He wasn't kind of friendly then not, or friendly with some and not with others, he disliked them all and he made no bones about it.  Brut wasn't afraid to show how he felt and his intentions and reacted as such.  As much as I didn't like this 'quality' Brut made it quite clear and for that I am grateful.

Why am I grateful that my dog aggressive dog made his actions loud and clear?
 I think the most important thing I learned was that Brut didn't lie.  Brut went over the top with every emotion he was feeling from day one, in a language I could understand.  He never faked it. Whatever he did he was real with it and was big with it.  He really felt and expressed himself in such a huge way that it couldn't be missed.  And I really miss that about him.  I really do, including his ornery ways that made him really stand out from any dog I have ever known.  

How do I describe this moment?

Silver looked at me then looked away listening to Daddy singing his lullabies in the bedroom to Zappa and Fiona.  Our bedtime treat routine interrupted as she listened intently from the living room, lying on the couch next to me as if the song was for her and her alone.

I could feel the tears welling up immediately.  "Silver, I'm so sorry," I said as I gazed at midnight face.

If there was a dog I took for granted it was Silver.  She was so different from all the other dogs and it was hard to fit her in sometimes.  She tended to get lost in the shuffle.