My Heart Journey

 The other day I saw a post on FB for a rescue dog that was ready for a home.  It was a Husky, of course, female about 8 months old.  Just for the hell of it I went on the rescue website that was for Huskies.  I forget the name of it, but I found myself reading the articles they had on how to bring a new rescue home and the steps to take, things to do or not do in order for a successful start.  I was very impressed with this information the rescue group offered, so much so that I bookmarked the page.  I was feeling some peace.  Just letting my mind stay open and following my heart.  Then I looked at the dog page, just to look.  I wasn't picking out a dog or having any inklings of doing so, I just thumbed through the pages.  It was a nice feeling.  No commitments.  No pressure.  No desire.  Other than to just let my heart explore the possibilities.  My heart, you know, the one with a wall around it trying to keep my three in there.  The one with all the pain and sadness.  The one that hurts so much I don't know if I want to live sometimes.  Yeah, that one.  So when I ended my journey with peace in my heart, I thought, "Maybe this isn't the end."  Maybe it is the start to a new beginning.  Maybe when the right dog comes along, I'll be able to embrace on a new heart journey.  Just saying.  💗

Remembering my girl, Blaze. One year anniversary

That white streak is how Blaze got her name.

Little did we know she would give it a whole other meaning!

Blaze was born of Silver and Brut's litter.  She was the ninth puppy born.  And she was a natural born instigator.  Always starting something.  She was that way from the time she was born, until the time that she died.  It was an infectious quality she had.  I didn't always appreciate it, but learned to love her more for it.    

My first real memory of Blaze, (because her birth is a blur now) is when she was about 2-3 weeks old.  All the puppies would be settling down for a nap, getting all cozy with each other, and here would come Blaze pouncing on everyone with that baby bark, "Get up! Get up!  She was hilarious.  I still crack up when I think about it.  I can't stop laughing about it now. 

My flower barrel became a favorite spot in those early days back home.

 

My second vivid memory of Blaze is when her previous owners gave her back to us.  Our four dogs, were out back playing and Blaze's high pitched bark was rapidly firing off from the kitchen.   The dogs had rejected her when she came home and she so desperately wanted to play with them.  Well, I walked in through the door to the kitchen expecting to see her at the door, I followed her voice and there she was on top of the kitchen island!  Blaze was all fired up, shaking her tail and head and yipping with this huge smile on her face.  I was shocked!  This girl was crazy!  I even went so far as to put up a fence around the island table and the kitchen counter trying to stop her.   That lasted about a half a minute when I realized I couldn't use the table myself.  lol  I worked with her to stop jumping on the the counter and table, but I don't think it stopped until Chance came back.  She finally had another dog to play with and call her own.  

There was the time she jumped in the car when we went to visit her with her owners.  She was ready to come home then.  As it turned out about a week later was when they returned her to us.  She was so spot on!

I spent several months sleeping on the bathroom floor with Blaze.  She had been so hurt by her owners that she was a shell of herself.  She wouldn't sleep next to me at first, but over time she would lay down by my feet.  I remember how timid she was doing that, that I just held my breath when she did come on my blanket.  Tiny amounts of trust started in that bathroom.

                                   

After her spaying.  If Blaze could talk!

Blaze was so whip smart!  After the trust was built, there was no stopping her.  I was so intimidated by her intelligence.  Those wheels were also turning!  We were always trying to outsmart each other, but somehow it seemed Blaze was always on top.  I especially noticed it when we were on our walks.  That mind of her was always working on ways to pull me along.  I threw my hands up many a time walking her that I would just turn around and go home.  She was too much for me some days. 

I'll never forget the time Blaze and I had a frustrating day together and I was at my wits end.  It was my turn to sleep with her and I was trying to find a way for both of us to wind down for the night.  (This was before Chance had come back)  When I pulled out a tub of vanilla ice cream for us to share.  Blaze loved it!  She began to calm down and I began to come to.  She was so in love with ice cream.  That was the first time and it wasn't our last.  But I was loving our girls night together.  Blaze made everything she loved to do into the most exciting thing in the world.  I loved that about her.  Didn't matter what it was, if she was excited about it, she loved it!

Blaze didn't just dig...she built trenches!

One thing Blaze loved to do was run and being a part-time Husky she was born with the perfect frame and drive to pull a sled.  Don't let her 63 pounds fool you, she pulled me behind her effortlessly.  It was one the most beautiful things to experience, as she moved with fluidity and grace when she pulled.  It was breathtaking.  It came to her as natural as breathing.  As exquisite as she was, her long body galloping down the snow covered trail, there was a twist, she was still Blaze.  When she pulled she was on a mission, she knew she was in charge and she took that freedom to new heights every time when sledded together.  Her goal:  to look for dogs or go where ever the hell she wanted!  We were lucky though, we only had one encounter with a couple of dogs and their owner and just made it out of there alive.  (Something I'll share at another time.)  Blaze had a mind of her own and if she could get away with it, she did.   

Blaze was an amazing dog.  A little of everything you want and don't want in a dog.  Her spirit just vibrated with life, love and happiness.  As it still does today.  We were doubly blessed when she came back home and to have lived the life we did with her on Earth.  And we can't wait for our heavenly reunion someday.  

We miss you Sweet Pea.  You will always be our Baby Girl.

A chip off the ol' block.

Smiling in front of Daddy Dog Brut's roses.

A long overdue Zappa update

I don't know why it is so hard for me to write about Zappa.  Being that he is the last "puppy," I feel protective of him.  Also it is hard to write just about him without missing the others.  Not to mention we don't have that deep seeded bond like I did with the others.  Oh, we love each other and have our moments together.  He comes to me when he needs something or wants me to interoperate for him or if he is scared, but honestly our relationship is on a need to know basis.  

Zappa is Mark's dog, his heart dog.  Their closeness started the minute Zappa was born.  As Momma Dog Silver was a new mom, and was too busy cleaning herself up after the birth of her first born to take care of him.  Mark, took right over cleaning up Zappa, cutting the cord to get him ready for his new world and they have been tight ever since then.  And if that wasn't close enough for Zappa, now he has his heart boy all to himself and only has me to battle with for Mark's affection and love.  It was why the sleeping arrangements didn't work out between Zappa and I, he needed Mark.  I have felt hurt and rejected because Zappa will only let me get so close to him, but have learned how important and precious his relationship is with Mark and the opportunity to have Mark all to himself, that my feelings have grown to one of respect and adoration.  They both need this time together and each other, without my petty feelings getting in the way.  After all I took care of five dogs that I was able to have a special relationship with, it was Mark's turn to experience the beauty of having a heart dog.  

Zappa has come a long way this past year.  He is still getting his cold laser treatments on his hips, back and legs twice a week.  That is going good.  We switched to a closer vet for those treatments, as you may remember, Zappa stands in the van for the whole ride.  So, instead of standing for three hours round trip, he is only standing an hour, and it makes a huge difference in his recovery time.  We are still struggling to find a calming chew that will take the edge off Zappa's anxiety without drugging him.  Although, it is possible that we may never be able to curb his nerves about riding in the van and going to the vet.  We are going to try desensitizing him to car rides and the vet, to see if that helps.  Yeah, good luck with that!

In December his liver levels were slightly up and after having a ultrasound of his abdomen, all of his organs were great, except his gall bladder had some sludge in it.  Whatever that means.  But it is nothing serious, just part of old age and could be the cause of the rise in the liver.  

Our vet found a growth in between his front toes and had it checked out.  It wasn't cancerous!  Yay!  That was a little scary, but it looks like the growth is shrinking, which is also good news.  

It looks like Zappa has accepted us as his pack members, since losing his brother and sisters.  We are settling in as 3-pack group. (with a couple of cats on the side.)  I have no doubt Zappa still thinks about his siblings.  He still has moments of sadness and looks lost.  I think he misses having a dog around to be a dog with, but neither of us are ready.  I also know he enjoys all the special attention he gets being an only dog and I believe right now that makes up for not having another close canine around.  

Overall we are holding our own.  The year anniversary of Blaze's death is coming up in March with Chance and Fiona to follow in May.  Hard to believe it has been a year without them and having only Zappa.  Thank God we have each other or none of us would have made it through this alone. 

We are taking everything day by day.  Praying that Zappa makes it through winter to spring, is my only goal for him.  

Thanks for hanging in there with us.  

God bless.

 

Discombobulated

This was written at the beginning of February,2022.  I never got around to sharing it. This is just some of things Mark and I have been going through with Zappa. 

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We have been doing it since the first night Blaze came back.  Every night with only a few exceptions, for 13 years, hubby and I have been taking turns sleeping with the two packs.  Each night switching pillows and blankets between the two sleeping quarters.  Mark would sleep with one side while I was sleeping on the other and then the next night we would rotate.  

When Blaze came back, it was a difficult time all around, especially for her.  There was no way we were leaving her alone that first night and so I took first shift on the bathroom floor with my little girl.  With nothing more than layered blankets on a plywood floor and a silent prayer we began what would become a lifestyle that changed the course of our lives.  

We continued this pattern even after Chance, Blaze and Fiona died.  At first it was hard sleeping with the Front pack all alone, but over time it became healing and welcomed.  

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For the last couple of months my sleeping time with Zappa have been very stressful.  He was constantly waking me up and getting me up and down out of bed.  Eventually, I slept in the living room.  The beginning of the broken trust.  That went on fine for a couple of months, until he started again, waking me up and keeping me up.  Not good for either of us.  Finally after days of little to no sleep, we made the difficult decision for Mark to sleep with Zappa on a regular basis, while I took to the Front Dogs.  

The decision was good.  I was finally able to catch up on my sleep as my mental health had been wavering due so many sleepless nights.  

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It's been almost a week since sleeping "with" Chance and Blaze.  And I'm having a harder and harder time sleeping.  The decision for permanent sleeping arrangements, solidifies the big change that happened almost a year ago and I don't know where to sleep anymore.  I slept with the cats last night.  I'm in my chair at the moment.  I don't know where to rest my head.  I'm so discombobulated.   It is more than just a routine, it was our lives.  It was our dogs.  It was everything.  And it is over.  It is over.

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It has been a good month since changing our sleeping arrangements and things are finally settling down.  I am sleeping in Chance's and Blaze's bed and sleeping through the night without shifting places.  I feel grounded now and while it is still difficult sleeping alone, there is some peace.  

Now and Forever, Blaze

 Where has the time gone?  How did almost a year sneak under our belt?  Today, Valentine's Day marks Blaze's 11 months since she left us.  How have we managed, how have we lived without her for 11 months?  Seems like she was just here yesterday.  It doesn't seem fair or right, yet here we are.  

It wasn't so long ago that I was giving her kisses on her forehead.  Her favorite.  She used to visit me in the bathroom just for them.  

Or how giddy she would get trying to sit long enough for a treat with her wing-tipped ears wiggling with excitement.  

Two of my favorite memories of Blaze.  This is how I picture her.  Coming to get kisses and those floppy ears.  That's how I remember her.  

That's how I will always remember her.  

Now and Forever, Blaze.

Chance Wednesday

I was completely stressed out.  Mark had to shower for an appt. and left me on Skype with the cell phone company with a phone I know nothing about and a foreign voice that was breaking up.  If that wasn't bad enough Zappa started a barking raucous that could have woke the dead.  And calling from the computer, I was attached and couldn't move.  All this before I'd had a chance to get dressed.  Then the wood furnace blower shut off, that cat starting crying and my anxiety was through the roof.  

After the whole ordeal ended and I was finally able to sit down and try to relax, I said a small prayer of help, and held my head in my hands.  

Next thing I know Stone Temple Pilot's song, "Plush," came on and I started to giggle.  Then I was laughing.  It was Chance's day and he had ordered this one song, my favorite.  I could feel his head in my lap as the laughter turned to tears.  Oh how I miss my spiritual healer.  He understood me so well.  Which is why he was here today.  God knew exactly what and who I needed to help me through this stress spot.  

My day was so much better after connecting with Chance.  We still need each other.  It is not over....they are still here. ♥

From our good friends at Chewy...

 We've been ordering from Chewy.com for some time.   I even used to do reviews about them on the blog.  We've ordered almost anything dog or cat related from them and they have treated us well.  

But when this came in the mail today...it was just too much!

With this note:  We're so sorry to hear of your loss of Chance and Fiona and our hearts go out to you.  We know this time is tough and we're always here if you need anything.

Love, Chewy.com

Thank you Chewy!

My husband, Mark, is a talker.  He can block me out of a conversation in seconds flat!  And if anyone gets even close to his dog radar, he takes them for a 24 Paws of Love ride.  So last week, he was talking to someone at Chewy.com and then I hear his dog radar go off.  The next thing I know the Chewy employee was on the 24 Paws of Love blog and Mark is explaining all the dogs to him.  Not to mention all the videos we have on Youtube!  

I tell you this because we think he may have been the one that sent the flowers, in care of Chewy.  And if it was we would like to say "Thank You," you made our day.   

Animal people are good people.  You just have to find the right ones.  ♥

Happy Birthday to Zappa and the gang

January 2, 2022

 There may only be one cake and one set of candles this year, but it is representing the entire litter of ten that was born 14 years ago today.  

And Zappa was excited to have the whole cake to himself.  

He had no problem chowing down for himself and the others!!

Happy Birthday to the Power of Ten:

(L to R)

Grumpy, Blaze, Fiona, V-girl, Zappa, Rocket, T-bone, Angel, Red and Chance

They may be gone but never forgotten.