Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

Where are they?  Don't they know it's past dinner time?

We were on our way home from an out of town appointment that's close to about four hours round trip not including the office visit.  About an hour from home, I start to worry a bit about the dogs.  Hoping they are OK, knowing it is past dinner time and I start to get excited about seeing them again.  It's then that I start thinking, I don't know if I could ever do an overnight trip without the 24 Paws, because about an hour before getting home or by the fifth hour we're away I start worrying and thinking about how much I can't wait to see them.  Sure I can't wait to take a break and get away, I've even dreamed of taking vacations, but really I can't stay away from the dogs for too long.  They are my sanity, security and comfort that I start to long for when we do leave for short day trips.

Not to mention the wonderful woo-woo greetings we get and how happy we are to see each other.  How do people live without that?  Or how about the dog owners that completely ignore that enthusiastic welcome?  It is too precious and sweet not to rejoice in reuniting with each other.  I don't even get up from my chair or leave the computer when hubby comes home after a long day of work.  I should be so passionate in my hello to him like the dogs are.  :)

Your home!  Your home!  Your finally home!

It had been a long day for everyone so I took a little special time with each dog to tell them how much I loved them.  Belly rubs, hugs, scritches, kisses to thank them for being the great healers they are for my body, soul and mind as I got them ready for bed.  And my day was complete.  Couldn't ask for better.  It was just great to be home.  Home with the 24 Paws of Love.

Does anyone else feel like this?
  

My little wing girl

My husband had just run for a bottle.  Silver was giving birth standing up and my husband had caught the first two and had so far done most of the work.  Silver began contracting and pushing again, I yelled for hubby, but it was too late she dropped a goo covered black furball in my hands.  Now I was going solo.  I pulled off the sac, tied and cut the chord and rub this little black jewel until she made her first cry.  I continued to dry her off while Silver finally settle down in the whelping box.

Our first black puppy and our first girl.  There was no doubt I was keeping her after she was born in my hands.  After the white wingspan on her chest we gave her the name Angel.


My absolute favorite baby picture of Angel

After witnessing Fiona, the only white female and the runt of the litter, I was torn as I watched Fiona fight with profound determination to keep up with her brothers and sisters.  I don't know what it was about this little girl, but she had my attention.  Zappa was a given, now Fiona, do I keep Angel as well?

(l to r) V-girl, Zappa, Fiona and Angel

Angel was a natural Husky escape artist and was the first and only one to get out of the whelping bed as well as back in.  She always used the papers I had on the floor and there was more than one time she climbed up on the bed and I woke up to her furry face in front of me.  She was smart and witty and cute as a button.  And I wanted her so bad, but I didn't think 3 puppies would be a good idea.  

We were down to two puppies that needed homes, both black and white dogs, when my friend called looking for a puppy, I knew exactly which one...Angel.  

I think I'd known for some time Angel wasn't meant to be with us, it was just so hard to let go.  

She lived a wonderful life, hunting, going to her family's cabin, learning to dog sled and she had a home full of love.  

Tuesday night, the night she was found, I held her in my hands and remembered that first day she touched them.  

And as she was buried, I was so grateful she was home surrounded by the love of two families who loved her.

Thank you so much for this blogging community and all of your help, support and condolences.  We thank you all so kindly from the bottom of our hearts as we grieve the loss of our Angel.  May an Angel be smiling down on all of you today. 

Blog the Change 4 Animals- LOVE

 

We really don't have an important cause or a grand message to give for this "Blog the Change 4 Animals" post, except we keep coming back to one thing...

If you have struggled with knowing what LOVE is (like I have), watch your animal and they will show you.

Almost like a wedding vow, they will show you how to LOVE, for better or worse, for richer or poorer until death do you part.

It is that real.

It is that awesome.

It is LOVE.
 And we can do all things with it.

 Like the famous Beatles song:

All you need is LOVE, LOVE is all you need. 

Early Monday Memory Edition-Happy Father's Day Brut!!

Brut's favorite place to sleep, the puppy blanket

In lieu of Father's Day today we decided to celebrate Daddy Dogs all over the world with an early edition of Monday Memories by honoring one in particular, our own Daddy Dog Brut!

Since Brut isn't your average dog, it stands to reason he wasn't an average father by far.  :)  When Brut was with his puppies, I couldn't carry a camera because I was so busy keeping watch that Big Bad Dad wasn't getting too rough or overwhelmed with all his kids.  So I don't have any still pictures of the proud father and his pups.

No matter how nervous or cautious I was when Brut was out, I was surprised over and over again how calm and gentle he was his puppies.  Brut's eyes would lite up as he tried to comprehended all the love that was pouring from these ten puppy hearts, in a way that said, "For me?"  The love he was never able to receive in his own puppy hood he was absorbing ten fold through his own children.  They gave him everything he needed: the puppy hood he never had and to be a dad all at the same time.

Can you feel the love? 

  Watch how Brut never steps on one puppy!
 (I've posted this video before, but it is one of my favorites and I thought quite fitting for today)

To watch on YouTube go HERE

Happy Father's Day to all you Dad's out there!

The Two Amigos

Zappa and Fiona at 4 months old

Some extra quality time with Zappa and Fiona is always a treat.  Everything about them is extra special.  Zappa and Fiona are the two puppies we kept from the litter and have been here since day one.  They are the two 'good' kids.  They are great walkers, calm and quiet in the car,and they will tolerate other dogs.  They are well mannered, calm and secure.  They are a perfect example of Brut and Silver’s best qualities. They are both a little smarter and a little wiser than the generation before.  Not that they don’t each have their own set of quirks and behavior issues, but on an overall basis, they are the dogs with the even temperament and disposition. 

When I set aside that special time for them, I am always so amazed.  They have taken everything that shines in their father and mother and created it to be theirs, in their own way, with their own personalities.  The biggest difference about Zappa and Fiona is something I’ve never witnessed in any dog I have ever met, being loved and kept from the time of conception and birth.  There is an inner calmness and security that centers from within them.  It is like nothing I have ever seen before.  There entire lives were based on love.  A love that is more than just absence from abuse and/or neglect, but a wholeness and oneness of themselves that radiates from their being.  I dare say it is phenomenal.  And that I really can’t explain it.  In a world of pain, hurt, and suffering of so many humans and animals, Zappa and Fiona show you that there is such a thing as true love.  Almost like touching heaven. 

When I had to devote most of my time to Chance and Blaze’s return (two pups from our own litter who were abused and brought back) they quietly waited for me.  In the throws of my own healing they helped me understand the love that existed in them and selflessly gave of it.  And while we only had moments were short, their true love glowed through all of it. 

I used to have such a hard time with the amount of contentment Zappa and Fiona had compared to the gratitude and energy Chance and Blaze had, slowly I am beginning to understand.  The amount of love they have always been given is greater than what all of the dogs and my husband and I have ever had all put together.  I know it is something I can not begin to fathom,  having a full lifetime of love.  It is almost unbelievable.  And  yet I am able to look into Zappa and Fiona's eyes everyday for the proof that such a love exist.

 

I think we did the right thing.  

Everyone Needs a Snoopy :)

I'm not really a big Charlie Brown fan, but I have always loved Snoopy and his sidekick bird Woodstock.  For some reason my husband was watching the Peanuts special, "Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown" this past weekend and I sat and watched the last half of the show with him.

Here's a little intro from where I picked it up:
The character, Linus has a heart-shaped box of chocolates he wants to give to his teacher, and wants her to be his Valentine.  For some reason in the middle of the classroom's Valentine party, the teacher leaves the building, while Linus tries to catch up to her to give her the candies.  Only to watch his her leave with her boyfriend.

It was the following scene that got me with Linus on the bridge. (Check video clip HERE)
  
The mood was heartbreaking and I found myself begin get a little teary.  Until...they showed Snoopy and Woodstock behind the bush, catching the chocolates and gobbling up all of Linus' anguish.

I busted out laughing as I could truly relate.  How many times have I thrown all my pain and sorrows on my dogs who just lavished it up like chocolates, while transforming my tears into love?  Countless.  I can not tell you how many "Snoopy's" have saved my life and are still doing so today.

So to all of the Snoopy Dogs out there, Happy Valentine's Day!  Think what a better world it would be if we all had a Snoopy!!

 Snoopy times 6   

Something Wagging Challenge-Boxer

I could write out a long in depth post about what lead to taking on this challenge with my competitor in question, but simply put; I've had resentments towards Boxer because he isn't my former cat, Sparky and Boxer has resentments, well, because he is a cat!

THIS IS NOT A 'NORMAL' CAT
I was completely disillusioned by Sparky and two previous cats (all whom have passed on) who were mellow, affectionate, and cool as cucumbers and I thought all cats were that way.  Then I got Boxer and suddenly I was dealing with this wild, obnoxious cat who demanded my attention and didn't care how he got it.  And while I would like to blame his behavior on the dogs, he has always been this way.  More dogs just gives him more reasons to be ruthless.

Just let her try to sit down!!

MY LAP WAS OUR BATTLEGROUND
Every night the war would begin with this 16 pound cat, who according to the vet was not overweight, where we would have our battle of wills.  He would stand on my lap, I mean just stand there on my tired-end-of-the-day-legs like dead weight.    Then he would slowly turn around, doing his 'claw dance,' butt in my face all the while jerking and knocking me with head butts that had the force of a miniature ram.  I in turn would hide my arms behind my back, or try to get him to lay down, until my sensitive nerves couldn't take it anymore and I would push him off my lap.  Or I would try to pet him, hoping to calm him and it would only rile him up more.  I almost dreaded our nightly visit and these battles only fueled my angry feelings towards him more.

SPARKY NEVER ACTED LIKE THIS
And there was my struggle.  I'd missed my heart cat so much, I just couldn't accept that Boxer was nothing like him.  I hadn't even realized that I'd had built up these resentments towards Boxer because he wasn't Sparky.  A few months ago I became aware of how much these thoughts and feelings were hurting our relationship and that I needed to change the course we were taking. 

Look deep inside...or else

THE HEALING PROCESS BEGAN
I began by letting go of Sparky and focusing on Boxer.  I started practicing more patience and kindness with Boxer, but we were still struggling with his demands for affection. So when Pamela's Challenge came along, I seized the opportunity to improve our lap time by using simple "ignore and reward" technique.  When he was quiet on my lap and/or being gentle, I would pet him.  When he got too pushy, I hid my hands.  It was simple. And it worked.  Not only did our lap time improve, but our over all relationship took a dramatic turn. We are not having those large uproars on my lap every night.  Now, we are enjoying each others company and I am beginning to see Boxer for more of who he is, rather than who he is not.

I am sure I am not alone when grieving for another animal to misplace those hopes onto a new one.  Boxer was never going to be Sparky and I still missed Sparky more because of it.  Their personalities are almost bipolar to each other and it has been difficult letting go of that, not to mention that these differences created a situation with a type of cat, I'd never dealt with before.  It was frustrating because I have discovered I don't know cats like I do dogs and I didn't know what to do.

Pamela's challenge gave me a way to acknowledge what I started with Boxer and our healing process and helped me to focus on one aspect of our relationship-the time on my lap.  If I accomplish nothing else with Boxer except this, I have conquered everything.  Our evenings together are almost like heaven now and I'm finding myself falling in love with that little booger all over again.      

   

Yep!  I got her back.

I mean seriously, who can resist all this mancat savvy!!

A special thanks to Pamela and her Something Wagging Challenge that gave Boxer and I what we had been missing.  Our relationship.

 It's a DOUBLE BLOG HOP!!  JOIN US!!



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And the Saturday Blog Hop!!  Hosted by Life with Dogs, The Two Cavaliers and Confessions of the Plume.

24 Paws Crossed For You...

For everyone who's going through some sad losses and tough times our paws are crossed for you.

We may not know all of you, but we understand the pain of losing a furry loved one or one who has an illness.

We'd like to send a special prayer for our friends KB and K,

May the Power of Paw carry all of us. 

Monday Memories-Do You See What I See?

Our first summer with all six dogs...

My husband pulls out these photos and begins his story

 She interrupts him in a voice of quiet awe and says, "These dogs are loved."

A cashier at a feed store saw what we felt in our hearts.

She could tell just from the photos.

They were the most loving words I'd ever heard from someone I didn't know and needed to hear so badly during such a difficult time as we began this journey with two packs of dogs.

Her words still ring in my head when I feel I am not enough for them.

 I swear they were straight from heaven above.

I needed to "hear" them again today. 

Has a stranger ever touched you with such powerful words?

Monday Memories/Happy Birthday Puppies!!

 One day old

Today is a very special Monday Memories.  Today is the "puppies" 4th Birthday!!  Zappa, Fiona, Chance and Blaze.  Four years ago today our eyes were opened to the wonder and miracle of ten healthy puppies as entered this world, four of which we have today.  Memories we still find ourselves in awe of and have become the bulk of many post for Monday Memories. 

Today we have a special guest speaker who would like to share his thoughts about that day and the many that have followed....so take it away Daddy!

Never would I have ever thought in my wildest dreams that I could be learn as much as I have since that early morning when Brut and Silver's puppies were born.  Since that day I have learned more about life and love than I have ever learned before. 

ZAPPA:  The first one we welcomed that early morning as I watched in amazement of his birth. I felt an instant unexplainable bond with Zappa from the moment I took care of him when Mommy Silver didn't know what to do after giving birth.  A bond that has continued to grow and deepen as we seem to think alike and have the same personalities, like we are twins.  It is hard to put into words this connection between us but that has been there from the first time I touched him, I think Zappa may be my heart dog.

FIONA:  Fiona was the last puppy born and when she got stuck in the birthing canal I had to pull her out. Ever since watching her grow from being the runt of the litter to catching up with her siblings we have had a strange, but wonderful relationship.  She reminds of someone I know who is trying to tell me something but can't because she is a dog.  Fiona always looks at me with those eyes of wanting to tell me something, something she just can't seem to relay to me.  On more than one occasion, I have said to my wife that Fiona's sweet, sassy attitude reminds me of my sister who passed away 15 years ago and sometimes it feels like she is right there living through Fiona.

BLAZE:  We couldn't have picked a better name for the 9th pup, born just before Fiona.  It seems as soon as Blaze was able to open her eyes and see what was going on she became the instigator.  Blaze was always the last one to go to sleep and was always trying to start something with the other pups.  Four years later...she's still the instigator and the last one to go to sleep.

When Blaze first came back, I would take her on the job with me and every time I would look out to check on her, she would be lying on the dashboard of the van.  She became my Dashboard gGrl.  Of course she is the only one of the dogs who could fit on the dashboard.  It was these car rides that we bonded as we both tried to heal from the abuse the happened to her with her previous owner and a friendship that continues to grow today.

CHANCE:  When he was the born, we called him Blue for the blue ribbon to separate him from his two white brothers.  He was the second biggest and though I don't remember as much as I wish I did when he was young, but I do remember when Chance came back home to us and the impact it had on me.  After Chance left, we would visit once a month and he seemed to be doing OK but when they didn't want him no more was when we noticed how thin he was.  For the first few months Chance would be in the front yard, sitting by the fence, just looking.  Looking for something or someone.  He was glad to be with us, but you could tell he missed his first owner, a boy.  He was so sad and it took some time for him to accept the boy wasn't coming.  It was a blessing for all of us that Blaze had been returned and that Chance was with his favorite sister again and he began to come around.  

Now Chance/Blue isn't Blue anymore and is doing well.  He is my Scooby Doo dog, goofy, serious and full of love.

I will always be amazed and awed at what I have witnessed from the beginning until this Happy 4th Birthday of Zappa, Fiona, Blaze and Chance.  How four inch puppies have become full grown dogs.  So every night when I sing "Rock-A-Bye Baby," I realize how grateful how our 24 Paws of Love Family has made this "little boy's" dreams come true.  The have become what they have taught me about myself, life and most of all love

Happy 4th Birthday

 Fiona, Zappa,

.

        Blaze and Chance!!

Thanks for ROCKING our world!!

Love,

Mom and Dad

Christmas Peace

May you find all your little lights of love.

Returnable

I was once loved.  Then I wasn't.  Somebody cared for me, only to drop me off somewhere else.  I thought I found my furever home, turns out furever can be short.  I used to snuggle up tight with my family, now all I have are concrete walls.  I thought I'd found love, only to find I wasn't what they were looking for.

"She almost pulled my arm off going after another dog!"  "He threw up in my car!  He's got to go!"  "Her markings clash with my new couch!  I need to upgrade."  "We tried him out for a couple of days and we just don't like him anymore.  Do you have something else?"

I am wanted and then unwanted. I am needed until I am unneeded.  I am loved but I have become a problem.  Don't they see how much I love and want to be with them?  Please don't leave me here.  Please.  I promise I'll love you more than you'll ever know.  Please don't forget me.  I won't forget you...

**Dedicated to all of those "returnable" dogs who are hoping to be loved.

Happy Birthday Brut!

First, the bad news, our computer is at the V-E-T and things aren't looking so good.  There is a chance it won't be coming home with us.  :(  We will do our best to post and visit as we can. 

Today is the last day for the Brut Birthday Bash Give Away and we will post the winners as soon as possible. So make sure you enter HERE.  

With that said, we could not let the Birthday Boy's big day go by without laying it on him.

I have been finding myself in a bit of a sentimental mood as Brut’s fifth birthday has been approaching. As we lay next to each other while he tore apart one of favorite forbidden toys, just because, I began to realize this was the dog that changed everything I thought I knew about dogs. It is because of him that I had to channel my creativity and explore my out of the box thinking. Brut is the one who challenged me like no other dog could and let me question those traditional ways of thinking. It was Brut who bent me to the brink and then would pull me back through. He was the only one who could grab my attention and burrow into those deep walls that I held myself a prisoner in. He was the only one who could to break this heart open and build it anew from the ground up.

Five years of blood, sweat, and tears of a raw love that has transformed everything I ever knew about the true meaning of love, that I can not even begin to put into words…

Who would have thought that this little guy would change my whole life?

Happy Birthday Brut.

Thank you for being exactly who you are!

Love, Mom and Dad

Monday Memories-Boxer

Three weeks after burying Sparky, I did my habitual check of the pet section of the classifieds.  Free kittens.  My heart was pounding and I began to shake a little. The house seemed so empty without my favorite cat and it couldn't hurt just to call...he had two kittens, one of them was a black and white male.  Just what I had always wanted.  The guy tried to give a further description but I was shaking so bad, I didn't a word of what he said, except to get directions.  After I hung up, I remember feeling the guilt of betrayal.  What the heck was I doing?  How could I even think of another cat when Sparky was still so fresh on my mind?

Something kept pressing me forward.  When I saw the little kitten, I was memorized.  I was in a total state of shock.  This little wild guy was the cat I'd always dreamed of having.  Solid black, with white paws, belly and face.  He was so precious.  He looked like Sparky, but he was all his own.  I couldn't believe any of this was happening.  He was like a dream come true.

We headed into town to pick up some extra's for this little bundle of joy, when while I was holding him, he pooped in my lap.  While a natural reaction, I began sobbing, as my husband pulled over.  Maybe this isn't such a good idea. I said through my tears.  I took his accident as a sign that this was all wrong.   The enormity of taking this little guy home became suddenly overwhelming.  I didn't know if I was ready for caring for this kitten, when I was still so heavily grieving my heart cat.  How could this feel so right and so wrong all at the same time?  But a little voice inside of me kept saying, he was the one for me.

We called him Boxer for his white paws and his boxing action.  Boxer was born outside, wasn't litter trained or weaned and was like a wild tom cat.  He was one of those crazy kittens that climbed up the screens, curtains and anything else he could reach.  He was the first cat I didn't have de-clawed and he was just plain wild.  He didn't like to held, never sat on my lap and seem to never tire of tearing all around the house or playing with toys for hours upon end.  He had no problem livening our household right up.

An amazing thing happened as I watched this little bundle of wild abandon, little pieces of my heart began to heal.  Since Sparky was over year old when I got him, watching Boxer was like watching Sparky as a kitten.  Sometimes I would be laughing out loud and other times I was in tears as I grieved and rejoiced in Boxer's spunk and personality.  Nothing like the mellow mood of Sparky, yet so many times, I saw that Sparky look in Boxer's eyes.

Did Boxer replace Sparky?  Never.  But he gave me something to hold on to so I didn't fall through that gaping hole in my heart and gave me just what I needed to heal and love again.   

            And now I can't sit down without Boxer plopping on my lap.          

Love X 6

If after a 1,000 days of lies, one wag of love dissipates all of them...

Imagine what six can do.  :) 

The Boy and the White Dog

The big white dog took his stance, announced his turf and looked around wondering who would challenge him.  A young boy came from behind the line of trees to the open corner of the fence and the white dog met him with a simple warning bark. “ GO AWAY!”  The boy did not flinch or scream nor jump or run, he simply backed up slowly and walked away.  

The boy watched the white dog with curiosity, questions posed deep in his mind, with the determination to try again.  The white dog had settled down as the boy carefully snuck behind the trees, giving it one last go to earn this dog’s trust.  Again the white dog slide into the corner and was stopped before he could bark.  The boy took to the trees as the white dog claimed his victory.  

As I watched this interaction with pure fascination, I was completely entranced with this dance between a tough playing dog and a brave boy and was humbly brought to tears.  For three years I have seen the aftermath of the cruelty that children have done to this white dog and all it took was one to approach with simple love to make me believe again.  

To the little boy, who tried with the determination and heart to get close a child-fearing dog, you gave a narrow minded woman a new found hope and opened her eyes to the possibilities.

Thank you for believing.  Your courage and love will not be forgotten.

Monday Memories-Lucky Ducky

 Lucky Ducky

(sorry about poor quality.  It was difficult to get a good picture.)

Last spring I had the chance to incubate a duck egg.  It was one of the most fascinating experiences of my life.  There is a process called "candling" where you can see inside the egg to gauge it's development.  By taking a box with a light on the inside and placing the egg over a small hole cut at the top of the box, in a dark room you are able to see the growth of the cells inside the shell wall.

What started out as a small heart and veins running through the entire inside, developed into a "jumping embryo" until it had filled half of the egg and was difficult to detect movement.  For some reason it really surprise me when the embryo started moving and you could feel life through the shell.   It was something right out of cell biology and was the most bizarre and beautiful thing I had ever witnessed about the beginning of life.

Due to the nature of incubating my time was completely invested in this little egg.  I had to turn the egg three times a day at regular scheduled intervals.  Due to the poor quality of the incubator I had to constantly regulate the temperature as it didn't have a thermostat and there were some scary moments when the temperature spiked or dropped.  Even when the temperature was fairly stable it still fluctuated and I had to continually check and make adjustments throughout the day and night.  I also had to maintain the humidity inside the incubator.  I was on constant alert with this little guy and did plenty of worrying and fretting like any new mother-to-be who had the responsibility of this tiny life in their hands.  

Sadly my baby duck died before he could hatch.  I took his death pretty hard as I had watched this incredible life form before my eyes.  I had already had a name picked out:  Lucky Ducky.  It wasn't original but it fit him.
It was such a blessing to witness this miracle of life and was heartbreaking that it ended as quickly, but I have never forgotten Lucky.  He now quacks freely with two of our other ducks that passed on before him.  There was something about actually witnessing the beginning of life that changed the way I view life and impacted me very deeply.  Who would have thought that an egg could bring about such love?  Watching Lucky grow was an awesome example of the miracle of life and the love that surrounds us.

Here is a youtube video of a 9 day old chick that shows the "jumping embryo":  9 day old chick embryo
Here is another one that shows at day 15:  Candling Duck Egg Day 15

A Special Thank You

My husband and I have come across much negativity about love and devotion to our dogs.  We are always surprised by how much there is, even from dog lovers.  Whether it is random strangers or people we have known, they just do not seem to understand and for some reason feel the need to let us know.

When my husband started coming up with the idea for this blog, I was very skeptical.  Who in the world would want to read about our dogs?  I didn't know if I was ready for all the negative feedback that I was certain we would get, but decided to give it a go anyways and wrote our first post.

The response we got was overwhelming.  There were actually others who were crazy in love with their dogs and were just as whacky about their canine companions as we were.  The support and encouragement were phenomenal and we completely fell in love with the our new community of dog blogging.

We have shared in the fun and laughter, as well as the tears and pain of your dog's lives and we couldn't be enjoying ourselves more.  You have helped us combat the cut downs and criticism that we have been up against while bringing our dog's lives into your home.  We can not begin to thank you for being part of our lives and sharing your stories with us.  We would just like to tell you how we appreciate your blogs and what they have done for us.  We would like to express our gratitude for helping to change our lives.

We at 24 Paws of Love would like to thank you for being the great dog blogging community that you are.  A special thanks for everyone who has visited our little corner of the web and taking us in.  For all of you that are crazy enough to blog about your dog, Thank you.  You have made this such a great place to be!

**And a special thank you for those that posted on yesterday's post, Confessions, thank you for your support and encouragement.  We really needed to hear your kind words.**  

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And now join us and all the other pet lovers for the Saturday Blog Hop.  Hosted by Life with Dogs, Two Cavaliers and Confessions of the Plume.

Confessions

 The Two Packs

When we developed into two packs, I felt rushed to immediately integrate.  When I found that wasn't going to happen I struggled with many inner demons for all the things I had done wrong and the reasons why the dogs could not combine.  If I wasn't being judged by others, I was doing it to myself.  I took on the impression that not having the dogs living as one happy pack was just wrong.  I have hung my head in shame many a time when asked if the dogs were together yet and almost three years later they are not.  I was a failure to myself and my dogs and few understood.

So now what?

Hire a trainer, fix the problem.  Seems easy enough.  Until you take in account our resources for help were very limited.  A bad experience with the only behaviorist for miles and a trainer on the phone who automatically claimed our situation hopeless and deemed getting rid of one or more dogs was our only solution.
These were our "options."

So we did the best we could, with what we knew, with the circumstances we were given.

Countless times I have beaten myself over because we had two packs of dogs and not being able to change the past.  For those first few years, I was in a panic about fixing what I thought was a problem and wanted to change everything that was wrong with it.  We "had" to.  As if it were part of some unbreakable law.  There was a must, an urgency that the dogs needed to come together, or else.  There was an internal pressure of  pushing an imaginary deadline over my head, as I tried to force things in my mind to come up with a solution that I could never find.  All the while managing the best I could while my husband worked to feed our two packs and so we could have a place to sleep.

About six months ago, I noticed a settling down of the dogs.  After all of the uproar of changes that occurred over such a short period of time, things had finally plateaued and begun to even out.  As this shift took place, I found myself breathing again.  We had made it through the worst of all the changes and problems and I suddenly found myself comfortable with our home and the living arrangements of the dogs.  I found for the first time, that I was OK with having two packs and felt secure in our reasons for it.  I was content with the progress that was happening within each of the packs and was enjoying it.  Most importantly, I found I was happy with our arrangement and that I loved the diversity and uniqueness of it. The dogs were really beginning to thrive and I realized that having two packs of dogs was a pretty cool set up.

While I still find myself with twinges of jealousy at other homes that have multiple dogs that get along and have never had to consider or would consider separating as an option, when I come home and look in my dogs eyes, I know we made the right decision. I have no desire to make any drastic changes or moves in uniting them, another decision I am finding myself quite comfortable with.  It has brought a peace of mind and the ability to relax and quit forcing something to happen that isn't necessary for the well being of our dogs.  No one is hurting due to being separated, there is no suffering on anyone's part because they are not all together, and if anything there is less suffering because they are not together.  All of their needs are met.  And I can live with that.  It is more than OK because I would rather have our home be set up under these conditions than get rid of some or all of the dogs.  It is more important than the fact that our household doesn't fit what is considered to be standard and normal.  For so long I thought having two packs was a horrible, unjustifiable problem that needed to be rendered or our household would never survive and because of this I have suffered these years of guilt for feeling like less of a dog owner who should loose her dog owning privileges. If it wasn't for the dogs themselves, I would have never made it through in following our beliefs and what was best for them.  It has been a painful road, but a rewarding one as we had to break our own ground in order to follow our hearts and trust in the will of the dogs.

And if I had it all over to do again?  I would make the same choices but with a clear conscious.

So we may never fit in at the kennel club, we found our solution for our six dogs and have found a way to have a happy and healthy home.  Every choice we made has been based on their well being and out of love for them.  What I thought was so awful and shameful, has turned out to be a gift that I appreciate and enjoy.  By letting go of all of the things I thought "should" be, I have been given a chance to revel and marvel in the life of having two packs of dogs, guilt free, and that my friends is a wonderful blessing I treasure.